


Call the Darkness Light

by my_silent_hour



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 59,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_silent_hour/pseuds/my_silent_hour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam, a Fallen angel, is in love with Tommy and makes a bet with his guardian angel (Brad) for Tommy's soul, with Adam's freedom at stake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Adam watched the bassist shrug his instrument off his shoulders and kneel to place it reverently in its case. He looked up as he locked the metal latches on it, a shock of blond hair falling over his too warm, too sincere, too beautiful eyes.

“Thanks again,” he said in a voice that seemed small, even for his little body.

“Great job,” was all Adam could manage to say. He heard one of the men on his team tell the boy that they’d be in touch. As soon as the door shut, Adam sighed. “Well, it has to be him.”

Monte laughed, the insufferable, know-it-all bastard. “Figures.”

“He was good.”

Monte made little slashes on his notepad. “We’ve seen at least four just today that were better.”

“Yeah, but none of them got it,” Adam argued. “That kid got it.”

“What won you over?” Monte asked, his smirk making Adam’s hand itch to slap it off his face. “His pretty face or his tiny ass?”

“He fucking quoted Velvet Goldmine, Monte,” Adam snapped. He grabbed the notepad from Monte’s hands and glanced at the names. “Tell me, will Jamie, Rob, Ethan, or…what did this guy call himself…Satan’s Spawn…be a better fit in my band?”

Monte took his notepad back and crossed out names, defeated. “No. You’re right.”

“I do occasionally think with my brain instead of my dick, you know,” Adam joked to lighten the mood, and the men from his label chuckled. Monte cracked a smile as well. “Call him tomorrow, not tonight. Let him sweat a little. And make it clear that if he works for me, he’s going to need a style change. The eyeliner was great, but we’re going to have to ditch those baggy jeans. Tell him to throw out everything in his closet that isn’t skin tight.” Adam’s smile was slow. “That was me thinking with my dick.”

Monte mockingly saluted him and stood, packing up his stuff along with the other men. Adam waved them on, savoring a few precious moments of silence in the small studio room after they left.

Tommy Joe Ratliff. Height: perfect. Weight: just right. Cheekbones: sculpted. Eyes: gorgeous. Ass: …

Adam laughed at himself. It was a great ass.

“Why this one?”

Adam would have jumped at the disembodied voice had he not been used to it. He shrugged in its general direction as brilliant golden light burst from midair and then slowly faded, forming a solid figure that was at once new and familiar. Adam looked away as his old friend took the chair next to him, stretching out long, skinny wings behind himself as he did so. He put a white sneaker-covered foot on the table.

“Good to see you.”

“I asked you a question.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “Diva,” he accused, then a smile broke across his lips. “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?”

“He’s not bad for a human.” His visitor’s white wings fluttered at that, as if objecting to the statement. “But there are a million just like him, so why this one, Azazel? Or what is it you’re calling yourself now… Oh yes. Adam. Fitting, you know. If you’re going to lower yourself to their form you might as well take the name of the original one. The one that screwed it all up.”

“You were just as in love with Adam as everyone else,” Adam chided.

“Still am,” his visitor said, and the meaningful look in his eyes made Adam’s skin flush. “But that’s neither here nor there. Why Tommy?”

“I can’t explain it. I saw him and, I don’t know. I just wanted to know everything about him. That sounds so dumb.”

“It does. Dumb and dramatic, the two biggest human faults. Goodness, you really get into the act, don’t you?”

Adam ignored him. “I have to have him.”

“You can’t have him.”

Adam’s head jerked up and he narrowed his eyes. “I can, Uriel, and I will.”

“No, actually, you can’t. See, Tommy’s mine.”

Adam’s heart sank. “You’re his Watcher?”

Uriel rolled his eyes. “Honestly? You didn’t know that?” Uriel snorted. “Here I was thinking maybe you just chose him to make me jealous. And call me Brad. I’ve been going by that name for a quarter of a century now. Catch up.”

“Brad,” Adam repeated and made a face. “Awful name.”

“Shut up, _Adam_.”

“You’re really his Watcher?” Brad nodded and Adam felt his hope leave him in a rush. Uriel – Brad, whatever – was good at his job. Too good. That was probably the reason why Elohim, the Lord of Heaven, hadn’t ever promoted him to Archangel. All that precious talent would go to waste.

And it meant there was no way in the Nine Circles of Hell Adam would get his hands on Tommy’s soul.

Adam drew in a breath and huffed it out. Human form or not, Azazel never backed down. “Do you know who I am on Earth now? I can offer him almost anything he wants, even without my powers.”

“Why? So that once you have him he’ll hate you for an eternity cause you’re the one who duped him out of Heaven? Do you really need another little slave to chain to your bed?” Brad laughed and then sobered. “Sorry about Kris, by the way. But that wasn’t my doing. Cassiel was his Watcher. You put up a good fight, though. You even threw that stupid singing contest for him, didn’t you?”

Adam didn’t bother answering. He fumed instead. “Cassiel’s improved, then. I must have taken forty souls from him last decade alone.”

“He may have asked for my advice once or twice.” Brad laughed lightly. “I admit. Tommy’s perfectly your type.”

Adam let his eyes run down Brad’s form. The Earth had circled the Sun nearly ten thousand times since he’d called Brad his lover, but the memories of him never faded. Uriel had always been the most beautiful angel Adam had ever seen, even more beautiful than Lucifer, though he could never admit that out loud. And Tommy… well, Tommy was certainly as close as any human could get to that kind of beauty. Adam’s pathetic human body tingled at the mere thought of the bassist.

“I’m not going to give up on this one. If I have to drag him out of Heaven after he dies, I will.”

Brad sat back, his nimbus brightening and swelling as he absorbed Adam’s words. Adam watched his old lover’s intelligent eyes as he thought it over.

“I’ll let you have him.”

“What?”

“I’ll let you have him,” Brad repeated, slower and louder, as if Adam was a child. “If I can have you.”

Adam paused. “The only way you can have me is to Fall yourself, since there’s no way Elohim will let me back into Heaven. And I’m not sure He’ll still want you if you give away your ward’s soul.”

“He wants you back, Adam. At any price. You were the best Destroyer He had. A mere human soul is nothing in comparison to having the Angel of Death back in His collection.”

“No.” Adam shook his head. “If you want me, just Fall. Join us.”

“Never,” Brad spat in disgust. “I respect their lives too much to join Lucifer.”

Adam laughed hollowly. “You Watchers are so ridiculous. You adore your little wards even though you know they’re beneath you, yet somehow they’re too precious to take and touch. You could have Tommy right now if you wanted. All you’d have to do is reveal yourself.”

“I could, couldn’t I?” A devious smile crept across Brad’s face, and Adam had to concentrate on keeping his form. His wings were dying to flex and spread and launch him right at Brad’s pretty little neck. Brad noticed, of course, and his eyebrow arched playfully. “But I won’t. I don’t prey on humans like you Fallen do. But this one you can’t have unless you become mine. You know you can’t defeat me, Adam. Your many temptations are no match for my gentle guidance. So let’s make a deal.”

Adam cursed. Brad’s words were true. Even the weakest of the Watchers could have more influence on a human than one of the Fallen, especially if that human happened to be spiritual. He’d seen the tattoos on Tommy’s arms. Horror villains and demons. The kid knew there was something else out there. Shit.

“If you let me have him, he’s all I get in exchange for an eternity of kissing Elohim’s ass and being your—”

“Don’t say something you’ll regret, Adam. It wasn’t a hardship to be my lover. I know how you felt about me. Otherwise you wouldn’t have put up with me for three hundred years.” Brad’s eyes, while issuing the warning, merely seemed sad.

Adam sighed. “I know. But still… I don’t have to bow to anyone now. I can have whatever I want any time I need it. And if I leave that now, I’ll have to deal with Lucifer’s wrath and be without Tommy after he dies, since I’ll have sent him to Hell. Meanwhile, you’ll be a hero for bringing me back to Heaven. I’m not getting much out of this deal, the way I see it. So, no thanks. I’ll try on my own.”

Brad’s form remained unchanged, but his glimmer faded just a touch. Adam knew he’d said just the right thing.

After a few moments of silence, Brad spoke again. “Fine. I’ll give you time.”

“Time?”

Brad nodded. “Time with just Tommy, completely free of any intrusion from me. I’ll give you until the year’s out. If you win his soul, fine. Take it. Drag him to Hell. But if not, you’re mine. And God’s.”

Two months without Brad standing in the way. It was easier than taking the proverbial candy from a baby. In other words, way too easy.

“What’s the catch?”

Brad drew close to Adam so that their faces were almost touching. His wings spread out around them and Adam immediately felt himself enveloped in comfort and love. “He’s my ward, Adam. I won’t let him walk into Hell blindly. If you want to win his soul you have to do it without any tricks. You have to do it without him getting anything in return. He has to give it freely.”

“He has to fall in love with me.”

Brad nodded. “So in love that he feels it’s worth his soul. So in love that an eternity in Hell is preferable to being with God.”

Adam shivered. New Years was just over two months away. Two months wasn’t much time, not when he had to convince someone to give up their eternity. But it was Tommy. Beautiful, amazing Tommy. The boy that had made him forget Kris’s name. The boy who had almost made him beg Lucifer for the chance to be human for real.

“You’re on, Uriel.” He reached out and cupped Brad’s jaw, drawing their faces together for a chaste kiss to seal the deal. “How mad is Elohim going to be when you lose Tommy’s soul on a bet?”

Brad’s lips curled. “He’s going to be so happy when He hears his favorite voice back in the choirs of seraphim.”

“I never said anything about singing for Him,” Adam said dryly, smiling. “You didn’t come here on Tommy’s behalf, did you?”

“Not at all. Elohim figured I’d get you back one way or another, and this opportunity presented itself.” Brad licked his lips. “And I might get something out of it as well, so, yay for me.”

“Don’t you remember the effect I had on you, Uriel?” Adam chided. “Do you really think a mere mortal stands a chance?”

Even though Brad’s face remained locked in a mocking expression, a cloud of fear passed behind his eyes. He shrugged it off. “You’re going to look so gorgeous screaming my name. All of Heaven will hear it.”

And then Brad was gone, leaving gilded dust swirling in his wake. Adam slouched down into the folding chair and leaned his head back.

“Jesus Christ, what have I done?” he asked no one in particular, although he half expected the Son to answer. Dejectedly, Adam stood and stretched, letting his charcoal and black wings unfold. He’d just made a bet with a Watcher. Lucifer, he was sure, already knew by now. It was time to go to Hell and face the music.

~~~//~~~

“Azazel. Azazel, Azazel, Azazel.” Lucifer grinned like the Cheshire Cat from behind his giant desk. “What am I going to do with you?”

Lucifer didn’t look angry, but then, he was a master trickster. Adam walked forward, sitting tentatively in the chair Lucifer offered him. Adam looked around himself. The office always changed, depending on Lucifer’s mood. Today it looked like he was having fun with the myths about himself. His desk was merely a plate of glass over a pile of human skulls, there was a huge fireplace lining the wall behind him, also made of skulls, and a few tritons hung decoratively from the walls. Last time he’d been in the Fallen’s headquarters, located deep in the Fourth Circle, the office had been Zen-like, with serenity fountains and bonsai trees all over the place.

“Love what you’ve done with the place.”

Lucifer laughed. He was only a few days older than Adam, but Adam thought he looked a lot younger. His face was smooth and unblemished and creamy white, thick blue-black hair fell, shining, to his shoulders, and his eyes were as black as midnight itself. Adam had of course seen Lucifer in his most monstrous form, they all had. In the days after the Fall he’d ruled over the whole of Hell in that form until the chaos had changed into efficient organization. It wasn’t something Adam particularly wanted to witness again. He much preferred this version.

Lucifer got up and turned to look at the fire, his form long and graceful in profile. “Did you think you could make a deal with one of the Watchers and escape the consequences?”

Adam tensed. “I expect punishment, Lucifer. But I’m confident I can win this soul. It will be worth it in the end.”

“This is not just between you and your old lover, Azazel. Elohim is trying to get under my skin.” Lucifer turned, looking like his depiction in a thousand paintings with the flames leaping up behind him. “You are one of my oldest, most trusted companions, and by far my best Destroyer. There is nothing quite like watching you wipe out an entire city with a plague or some force of nature. A million lives in one fell swoop. You’re brilliant, and if He wins you, He will most certainly get under my skin.”

Lucifer sat, leaning over his desk so that his black eyes bore straight through Adam. Adam tried bravely to hold the gaze. “I won’t let this come to a war, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

“No, you won’t, because you have to win this bet now, don’t you?” Lucifer cocked his head. “Unless you want to be Uriel’s plaything for eternity. And I’m sure you don’t want to deal with my reaction. So you will win this. I’ll help if necessary.”

Adam gave his head a quick shake. “I have to do this on my own. Without my powers.”

Lucifer sat back, staring at Adam with distaste. “My sources didn’t tell me that. Hmmnnn…”

“You don’t think I can.” Adam was a little hurt by Lucifer’s doubt.

“Oh, you can. I’ve been watching that boy. His looks more than make up for his lack of brains.” Lucifer sighed. “It would have been a whole lot easier to just use your powers. But I suppose if it’s too easy to get, it’s not worth having. Is he going to be worth it, Adam? That’s what you’re calling yourself now, right?”

Adam nodded. “Yes. He’ll be worth it. You saw his soul. He’s beautiful.”

“Indeed.” Lucifer rose from his chair and came around the desk, standing behind Adam. Adam felt his strong fingers tracing along his jaw line. “And so are you.”

Adam’s wings fluttered and folded tightly against his back. It was time for Lucifer to express exactly how displeased he was. His hands ran over Adam’s cheeks, down his neck, over his chest. “I’m glad you don’t disguise yourself too much for those fans of yours. They should get to see at least some of your beauty. Of course, if those women had any clue that you could tear them limb for limb by just thinking it, they might not think so kindly of you.”

Adam didn’t dare laugh. “My punishment, Lucifer?”

“Oh now, Adam. You know I don’t punish. You have complete freedom to do whatever you like. If that goes against my wishes, well…then perhaps you need a little reminder of who really has the power here. But punishment? No. That’s beneath me.” Lucifer tugged on Adam’s hair, bringing his head back sharply. His lips closed over Adam’s, more a promise of pain than a kiss. “But you may have just started a war with Elohim. You need a rather large reminder.”

Lucifer released Adam’s hair and as soon as he did, searing heat burst through Adam’s form. Adam cried out and fell to the floor, grasping at his skin. It was on fire, all of it. Even his wings. The burning pain even covered his eyes and he closed them tight and screamed. The pain only got worse. Adam curled on the floor, sobbing and begging for mercy.

Through the pain, an icy hand touched his cheek. “I hate hurting you, Adam. Don’t make me do this again. You have to win.”

Then, as sudden as it had come, the pain was gone. Adam lay still, clutching his sides, his wings wrapped around him pitifully. Lucifer stood over him, smiling wide.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just do what needs to be done. Make Tommy yours so that you can remain mine.”

Adam uncurled and tried to push himself up, but his arms felt too weakened by the pain. Lucifer pushed a boot-covered toe into his shoulder.

“Did you really think I was done with you?”

That just that short moment of pain was all the punishment he’d receive was too much to hope for. “No.”

“Good. I’ll expect you in my quarters every night this week, unless you’re with Tommy. Get there before I do, Azazel. Don’t make me wait.” Lucifer offered his hand and Adam took it, letting himself be pulled up. A week as Lucifer’s lover wouldn’t be hard at all. Much preferable to more pain, though Lucifer did have some exotic tastes. But Adam was familiar with Lucifer’s needs, having been his lover more than once in the past. And Lucifer could be quite generous when he was in the mood to be.

“I’ll be there,” Adam promised and turned to go, but Lucifer caught his cheek in his hand. His grin was arrogant and self-satisfied.

“It must be hard to live with this face, with so many beings wanting a part of you.” Lucifer kissed Adam’s lips and sighed contentedly. Adam felt desire blossom from where Lucifer’s lips had touched him down his neck and chest. That’s why he was Lord of Hell. He was the most tempting of all the Fallen. “I bet sometimes you hate Elohim for making you so pretty to look at.”

“Among other reasons,” Adam said with a smirk and left Lucifer’s office, feeling the Dark One’s eyes on him with every step.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam sat on the corner of his hotel room bed, leaning over, trying to convince his poor human form to breathe. His cell phone rang and he picked it up, glancing at the unknown number before throwing it on the floor. Probably just another random media outlet, wanting another interview.

“You’ve really done it now, haven’t you?” Adam winced at Brad’s voice. The bed shifted slightly with Brad’s weight. “Pissed off all of conservative America and probably some of your fans too, all in time for your CD to drop tomorrow. And of course, shoving your tongue down Tommy’s throat on national television. You’re just determined to lose this bet, aren’t you?”

Adam straightened his back, making all the blood rush out of his head. He almost leaned against Brad but thought better of it. “Did you hear what that little slut said to me before we went on?”

Brad chuckled. “All that stuff about making it sexy and, what was it… tarting it up?” Brad laughed again. “If only Tommy knew that saying that to you was like offering another hit to a junkie. You Fallen and your lust for human flesh. It’s pathetic. And it’s nothing short of a miracle that you stopped at kissing. I half expected you to bend him over on top of that keyboard.”

“Shut up, Brad,” Adam growled. His fingers dug into his thighs as he told himself to stay calm. “It’s just so much worse in this body. Humans are so fucking weak. I’m tired all the time. I’m hungry all the time. I’m horny all the fucking time.”

Brad chuckled again and lay back on the bed. “Then stop. For just a little while.”

Adam considered. The door was locked and security was tight on him tonight. No one would get into this room and discover him. He nodded and closed his eyes, concentrating on shedding his human features. His dark wings stretched out, spanning almost the whole room, and his body itself became bigger, warmer, and it swam in a halo of deep silvery light.

“Much better,” Brad said, smiling as Adam stretched out next to him and they wrapped their wings around each other, creating a little fortress against the harsh electric lights.

“Feels good,” Adam murmured against Brad’s shoulder, and the Watcher hummed in agreement.

“How much trouble are you in with Lucifer?”

Adam didn’t answer directly. “He’s worried this will start a war.”

Brad hummed again. “It might.”

“It won’t. I won’t lose.”

Brad shifted, studying Adam intensely. Adam lost himself in the warm, golden brown of his old lover’s irises for a moment. “Tommy’s really excited about playing for you. He feels like this is the first break he’s ever had. He really admires you. He thinks you’re really talented and that your ideas are going to change the industry.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Brad stared at him. “So you know what kind of soul you’re taking. He loves music. He loves shaking things up. And he lives for both. He’s completely wide open and he’ll let everyone in if they want. He deserves much more than you can give him.”

Adam scowled. “You’re saying this, after you offered his soul in exchange for me?”

“Yeah,” Brad said, nodding with his eyes downcast in shame. “But now that we have this particular deal, I want you to hear this. I know you only want him to satisfy your own lust, but if you’re going to take him, I honestly hope you fall for him too.”

“You want me to be like a Watcher and love him like you do.”

“No, I want you to love him more than I do, if you have to take him to Hell.” Brad shook his head in resignation. “Never mind. He’s on his way to your room. Time to be human again.”

“Give us some privacy, huh?” Adam asked as he shrank back into his human form.

“I told you I wouldn’t intervene. But I’m never far,” Brad warned and faded to only a whisper of light before disappearing completely. As soon as he was gone, there was a knock at the door.

Adam rose to answer it, casting a glance toward the mirror first to make sure his form was in place. Tommy stood on the other side of the door, his hands snaking nervously through his streaked hair.

“Tommy. Come in.” Adam waved his bassist in, locking the door behind them. Tommy continued to pull at his hair, his foot tapping the carpet in a familiar rhythm. For Your Entertainment. He was still wearing the boots from the show as well as the pants, but he’d replaced the glittery top with a black wifebeater. For being such a small guy, the muscles in his arms, chest, and stomach were remarkably defined. Adam told his traitorous body to calm the hell down. “I’m glad you’re here because I want to apologize again. I should have warned you. Or asked your permission or something. But I was just so crazy up there tonight. I haven’t really figured out how to handle the adrenaline yet and—”

“Yeah, yeah, man. I know. You were all hopped up on adrenaline and it was a rush and Lady GaGa inspired you and all that,” Tommy said, cutting straight through Adam. “I’ve had to listen to your team repeat all that bullshit to me for the last hour, on top of being prepped for interviews since everyone’s asking me shit now. That’s not why I’m here.”

Adam wasn’t quite prepared for this side of Tommy. So far, Tommy had been nothing but laid back and enthusiastic and polite, if you didn’t factor in his penchant for practical jokes. He had no idea that Tommy also had balls. “Why are you here, then?”

“I want to know if all this is really what you want me to say or if it’s just your team. You don’t actually think you did anything wrong up there, do you?”

Adam thought through his onstage antics. Shoving his crotch in some guy’s face? Check. Simulating finger fucking a female dancer? Check. Flipping the bird on national television? Check. Making out with his adorable bassist? Yes please.

“No, of course not.”

“So you’re not going to apologize, right?” Tommy demanded. “Because it sure as hell sounds like you’re making excuses now.”

“I won’t apologize. But I do need to soften this a little.”

“To keep the fans happy.”

“I don’t give a shit what the fans think, Tommy.” That was true. If not for wanting to be around Tommy, he would have given up this pop star charade long ago. “If they were true fans they would have expected it from me. But if I’m not allowed on network TV anymore, it’s going to be hard to get a career going. For me and by default you.”

Tommy’s pretty face softened. “Right. Okay. I see what you’re saying.”

Adam dipped his head so that he could look into Tommy’s eyes. “So do this now. I promise, we’ll shake things up. I haven’t sold out or anything, okay?”

“Okay, man.” Tommy nodded, his fringe falling into his eyes. “I guess I’ll go. Sorry if I kept you up.”

“You didn’t. I’ve been fielding calls ever since I left the stage.”

“Yeah. My phone blew up. Everyone wants to know if there’s something going on between us.” Tommy snorted but then looked up at Adam, cocking his head. “Why did you kiss me, anyways? Any of those dancers would have let you.”

Adam stared at Tommy’s lips and licked his. “I didn’t want to kiss any of my dancers.”

“Oh,” was all Tommy said in return. He looked at Adam, dazed and a bit nervous. “But…why me?”

“Come on, do I really have to say it?”

Adam watched with concern as the warmth in Tommy’s eyes cooled. “Monte wasn’t kidding when he said I was your type, was he?”

Adam shook his head.

“Was he kidding when he said you’d hired me because of my looks?”

Adam cursed Monte to the Ninth Circle. “Everyone in the band has the same kind of look, Tommy. The audience expects it.”

“I’m not talking about my style, or what the audience wants to see.” Tommy’s scowl made deep creases in his forehead. “So, I’m just your hired eye candy? You know, I am a good bass player. I’m fantastic. And I can cover anything else, too. Keys, guitar. Fuck, I’ve even played the set in the past.”

“I know all of that. And your audition was very good–”

“Just not as good as the others.”

Adam sighed heavily. This whole conversation was far, far away from his control. “Not really, no.”

Tommy stepped close to Adam so that the heat rising off his body made Adam feel light-headed. He had to struggle to keep his wings hidden. “But I had a better ass, right?”

When Adam’s only answer was a sheepish wince, Tommy muttered, “Fuck you,” and stalked away, his creepers clunking on the carpeted floor petulantly.

Adam stood alone in his hotel room, wondering how the fuck he’d managed to screw things up so badly, so fast.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” he heard Brad’s voice say from thin air. “God’s going to have some great assignments for you when you get back. I hear He’s contemplating a few more plagues.”

As Brad’s laughter faded into the beyond, Adam briefly thought of trying to sleep for a while, but then he remembered his duties with a groan. On top of one of the shittiest days in his whole life, he was expected at Lucifer’s.

“Damn it all to Hell,” he mumbled, and then he closed his eyes and willed himself to the Fourth Circle.

~~~//~~~

As luck would have it, the next morning as Adam left for rehearsal, Tommy was already at the elevator, waiting. The little blond scowled at him and then turned to glare at the lit up floor numbers above the door, as if willing them to hurry the hell up. When the doors opened, Tommy made a sweeping gesture. “After you, boss,” he said, a cold smile spreading over his lips.

Adam sighed and stepped in, standing behind Tommy as the doors shut and the air around them filled with discomfort. The little bell dinged as they passed a few floors on their way down.

“Enjoying the view?” Tommy asked, turning his head slightly to see if Adam was looking. Which of course he was.

“Yes,” Adam answered honestly.

“Good. Get your money’s worth.” The doors opened and Tommy practically ran out.

“Tommy,” Adam said, and began to jog after him when Lane caught him. She babbled on about their schedule for the day as Tommy joined the rest of the band members in the lobby, checking over their equipment. Adam watched helplessly as the band was herded into a van and he and Lane tucked themselves into a sleek black car. While Lane continued to give him careful instructions for the day at hand, Adam tuned her out.

“So, I’m curious.” Brad appeared, curled up in the passenger’s seat and looking back at Adam amusedly. “When did you first notice my Tommy? I mean, you trailed after Kris for what, ten years? So when did it start with Tommy?”

Ten years, Adam thought with disgust. Helping him through that stupid karaoke reality show, setting everything up so perfectly, only to be told thanks but no thanks. Son of a bitch.

With a sigh he cleared his head of Kris and thought of Tommy. He talked, knowing Lane wasn’t hearing a thing. “I think he was two. Maybe three. I heard his laughter over everything in Hell, like it sought me out, so I went up to investigate. He was playing with toy trucks with his babysitter or something. I don’t know, it wasn’t his mom. He was a beautiful baby. Like one of ours. A pure white, gleaming soul. And I knew that as soon as he was old enough to make decisions for himself, I’d add him to my collection.”

Brad straightened a little, his wings flexing uneasily behind his back. “You tracked him longer than Kris, then. Why bother with Kris at all? I get that it was convenient to build this persona on Earth for Tommy later but…”

Adam shrugged. “Kris didn’t look like one of us. He was easier to love because of that.”

Adam was aware that his sadness filled the car and that even Lane felt it. She stopped her incessant babbling to look over at him. “Are you alright?”

“I may have said the wrong thing to Tommy last night.”

Adam felt her eyes on him. “Want me to talk to him?”

“No, I should handle it myself.” Adam looked over at Brad, who was staring at the white van in front of them, keeping watch over his charge. “He’s different, isn’t he?” Adam asked.

Brad dragged his eyes away from the van to meet Adam’s. “I don’t know that he is, Adam. Your infatuations change so quickly I get whiplash. I don’t know why he would mean any more to you than the others did.”

The hurt in Brad’s voice was sharp and Adam was about to argue that he’d given him at least three hundred years so it wasn’t just mere infatuation when the car came to a halt.

“We’re here!” Lane announced, trying to be chipper.

Rehearsal was even worse than Adam expected. He’d thought Tommy would be aloof and stay as far away from him as possible, when in fact, he did the opposite. Every chance he got, Tommy rubbed up against him or danced his perfect little human body around him or draped himself over him. After four hours of that, Adam could only hope that Lucifer would be in a giving mood that night. But it didn’t end there. Monte suggested that they all go grab a beer afterward, and Adam tried to make excuses.

“I should get home. You know, pack for New York and feed my fish or something.”

Monte rolled his eyes. “You’ve got people to do that now, Adam. Come on. No lame excuses.”

Adam looked at Tommy, who tossed his bangs out of his eyes and gave him a sly smile. “Yeah, come on, Lambert. No excuses.”

Adam grumbled an answer of assent and piled into a cab with his bandmates. Monte chose a little lounge on the west side that was private enough for Adam, and small enough that anyone with a camera would get noticed, quickly.

To Adam’s horror, Tommy climbed into a small leather couch with him, snuggling up against him like a housecat. He smelled…so good. So deliciously human. Sweat and skin and hair product and powder. And his thin body arched against him and over him and all Adam’s body could do in response was wave a white little flag of surrender. But worst of all, more than anything he could sense with his human body, was the glimmer of Tommy’s soul, so bright and nearly untouched that Adam could feel it more than Tommy’s warmth and smell it more than Tommy’s hair gel.

Adam took Tommy’s chin in his hand and raised the other man’s eyes to his, focusing on looking past his large black pupils. Want me, he commanded silently, and felt Tommy’s breath hitch.

“No, Adam.”

Adam heard Brad’s warning right next to his ear, though no one at the table heard it at all. Adam sighed and released Tommy from his powers. The bassist rubbed his eyes and blinked hard once or twice.

“Sorry. Forgot.”

“Don’t forget again or the deal’s off.”

Then Brad’s voice was gone. Tommy was still leaning against Adam but there was distance there now, physically and emotionally. Adam knew he’d spooked him, but it was probably for the best. The little tease needed to know what he was messing with.

His warning didn’t seem to last long, unfortunately, and with the aid of alcohol Tommy seemed to forget what had occurred with remarkable speed. Soon he was all over Adam again, his legs dangling over Adam’s lap, his hand making little back and forth stripes all over his chest. When the others in the band left to find another drink, Adam snatched Tommy’s hand away from him and hissed, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“My job. This is why you hired me, right?” Tommy said, his voice dark and sinful. His fingers curled around the hair at the nape of Adam’s neck. “Is there anything else I can do for you, boss?”

Every single cell in his obnoxious, miserable human body wanted to push Tommy to his knees and take him up on that offer, or at least call his bluff, but the immortal part of him was way too strong and too smart for that.

“Not right now, but thanks for offering. I’d hope you’d be worth more than what I’m paying you anyway.” Adam stood, practically knocking Tommy to the floor, and stretched leisurely as the rest of the band made it back. “I’m off. See you on the plane.”

Tommy looked confused and pissed off as Adam strode out. That night, alone in the privacy of his own home for the first time in days, Adam once more became Azazel. He uncurled his wings and flexed his muscles and flew around Los Angeles until most of his frustration dissolved. Then he closed his eyes and willed himself to Lucifer’s quarters.

“You’re in luck tonight, Azazel,” Lucifer said. He was standing next to his gigantic bed, a smirk on his handsome face. “Just as you’d hoped, I’m definitely in a giving mood.”

Adam stared in grateful awe as Lucifer transformed himself into the carbon copy of Tommy Joe Ratliff, and once the transformation was done, Adam leapt on him, merging with him desperately and without pride, even as Lucifer’s mocking laughter filled his ears.

~~~//~~~

 

Flying in a plane was useless to someone used to simply thinking himself from A to B, or at the very least going for a relaxing flight above the clouds to his destination, courtesy of his strong black wings. But Adam couldn’t very well explain that to his record label, so here he was, cooped up in first class with the rest of his band. Tommy, thank Lucifer, was tucked into a seat a few rows back, chatting in a low voice to LP. Every time Adam caught his eye, the kid scowled.

As the plane soared away from LAX towards New York, Adam shut his eyes and tried to sleep. Even taking on his celestial form the night before hadn’t combated the fatigue he always felt as a human. Stupid mortal body…

The plane stuttered and jerked and Adam’s eyes flew open. Brad was watching him in the seat facing his, keeping an eye on both him and Tommy. “Relax. Unless your boss called for it, no one on this plane is going to die any time soon. Just minor turbulence. Sleep, Azazel.”

Adam nodded gratefully and shut his eyes.

“Just one question before you do.”

Adam opened his eyes again. “What’s that?”

“Why didn’t you know I was his Watcher if you’ve been tracking him all these years?”

“The question isn’t why haven’t I noticed you, it’s why have you been hiding yourself?” Adam yawned and covered his mouth. “My guess is you wanted to use him as leverage. Because you knew how I’d feel about him. I felt a pull toward all your wards, and this one is more incredible than the rest. Of course I was going to want him, and you were hoping I’d make a deal. How far off am I?”

Brad smiled a little, half pride, half embarrassed, and shrugged. “Not far off at all.”

“So why now? Why does God want me back now?” Adam snuggled back into the cushions, impatient for sleep. “Didn’t He say we’d never be welcomed back to Heaven? So what’s He planning that He needs me for?”

“You know I can’t answer that.”

Adam nodded. “I know. But I also know you wouldn’t be trying to win me back if His plan was something that would hurt me.” Adam briefly lost himself in a distant past, when the angel Uriel had come to him tearfully, warning him of one of God’s most horrific plans.

Brad stared at him with the same warm brown eyes that had held so much concern for him so long ago. “You’re right. Trust me, Azazel. Losing this little bet might be the best thing for all of us.”

Adam wondered what Brad meant, but sleep closed in on him rapidly and Brad faded until there was nothing in front of him but an empty plane seat. Adam slept dreamlessly and woke just as the plane touched down in New York.


	3. Chapter 3

Almost as soon as the band started rehearsals for The Morning Show, Tommy was back to his infuriating routine. Every break, every tune up, every change of key was an excuse for Tommy to flatten himself against Adam’s body and grind his hips. Adam played along, fighting fire with fire, grabbing Tommy’s ass and hips every chance he got. That only spurred Tommy on, and his touches became bolder, more obvious, until Adam noticed the crew tittering nervously and Lane came up to whisper in his ear.

“Cool it, Adam. We’re on probation here. We can’t risk being pulled from this show too.”

Adam nodded to her and looked at his band. “Can we take five, guys? I need a break.”

Adam snuck outside, away from the crowd that had already started to congregate to tape the show. He leaned against the cold brick of the building and shut his eyes, trying to gather his wits and his strength. A metal door opened behind him and Adam cringed as he heard familiar footsteps coming his way. When he opened his eyes, Tommy was looking up at him, leaning against the brick like a smaller mirror image of him. He was smiling.

“Lane says we have to cool it or CBS might not let us perform, which would certainly be the last nail in the coffin for my career.”

Tommy reached out and trailed a hand up Adam’s arm. Adam felt his skin tingle in spite of the many layers of fabric protecting him from NYC’s abysmal winter weather. “Is that what you want? You want me to stop?” Tommy purred.

Adam jerked his arm away and straightened. “Would it fucking matter if that’s what I wanted?”

Tommy stared at him, silent and stunned, and then his small body shivered.

Adam felt his chest constrict. “You’re cold,” he said, and reached up, removing the scarf he had wrapped around his neck. “Should have dressed warmer. Half of our performance is outside.” He looped the scarf around Tommy’s neck twice and tucked it into his hoodie.

Tommy absently touched the material around his throat. “You should wear this.”

“You’re cold.”

“You’re the singer.”

“Tommy,” Adam warned in his boss voice, “it’s yours now.”

Tommy touched the scarf again and whispered, “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it. You sounded really good just now. Don’t let Monte drown you out, and keep your head up a little more. But you sound really good. Don’t wreck this for us. For yourself.” Adam watched Tommy’s brown eyes widen and knew he was listening to every word. “We could have everything we want. We just need to be smart about it.”

Tommy nodded slowly and Adam went back inside, leaving him to stew in his own thoughts.

~~~//~~~

 

The performance and the interview had been kickass. He’d nailed it vocally, and then he’d held his ground with that idiot news anchor who had kept trying to get him to apologize for his AMA antics. On top of it, Tommy had kept a respectful distance from him since their talk behind the studio. To celebrate, Adam bought his band and team a few rounds at a club a friend had highly recommended.

Being a human, Adam decided, was much easier when you were drunk.

It was well past midnight and about six cocktails in when Tommy once again found Adam and planted himself in his lap, smearing whiskey-flavored kisses against his lips and neck.

“Did I do a good job today, boss?”

Adam caught Tommy’s chin in his hands, forcing him to stop his kisses. “Yes. Why are you doing this, Tommy?”

The blond licked at Adam’s mouth. “Earning my keep.”

Tommy kissed him again, deep and hungry. All the things inside Adam that were rational and logical told him he should tell Tommy to stop, tell him that he was sorry again and this was wrong.

But it wasn’t just the human part of Adam that hoped Tommy wouldn’t stop. The immortal part of him was reeling, lured by the sparkling soul behind Tommy’s eyes. Adam was aware that people were staring, that most likely someone had out their cell camera, and that his tight jeans weren’t hiding his thoughts very well, but Tommy’s touch was so intoxicating, and it was such a relief to kiss him.

But then Monte’s voice cut through his bliss. “Going to give the boy a raise, Adam, or does he have to let you fuck him first?”

Tommy pulled his mouth away from Adam’s, laughing. “I’ll need more than a raise. I think a car, maybe a trip to some tropical island…”

Adam pushed Tommy off of him and left the club without looking back. He turned into the nearest alleyway and leaned against the outer wall of the club, cold bricks against his back for the second time that day. He slid down until his ass hit the colder pavement below and curled his knees into himself, hugging them close. His thoughts came all at once, scattered and loud, and he couldn’t focus his mind on any of them long enough to understand them.

How had he thought he could do this? Not only was he unable to use his usual tricks and temptations on Tommy but he’d also completely overestimated his strength. Keeping his human form all the time was draining his energy completely, and the body itself was so lacking, he could hardly think of anything but his next drink, his next meal, or his next fuck. And shit, the need for human contact actually hurt. As one of the Fallen it was like a drug anyway; physical contact was just a gateway to the soul, after all. But the senses humans had heightened the experience and made it so sharp and so strong that the need for it far outweighed any other. And the only one who could really soothe that need was being indescribably cruel. Not that he didn’t deserve it, admittedly, but still, Adam had to wonder how such a pure soul could be so unkind. And why did he still want him regardless?

“Adam?”

Adam looked up to see Tommy approaching cautiously, squinting in the dim light. He had no energy left to deal with Tommy’s bullshit.

“Go away, Tommy.”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Adam raised his head up and when his eyes connected with Tommy’s, Tommy stepped backward in surprise. Adam knew he must have looked like shit. Even worse, he probably wasn’t disguising his form correctly since he was so tired. Just a small dose of his natural, neon blue eyes would have frightened any human. He tried desperately to tone them down.

“Jesus, man, are you crying?”

“Why, going to make fun of me for that too?” Adam watched Tommy wince. “Look, I get that I’m an asshole and you’re pissed and that’s why you’re doing this, but I can’t take this, okay? I really do think you’re talented and I think there’s a whole lot more to you than your ass. And I know you’re angry but I thought you were a better person than this.”

Tommy shrank a little and he tucked his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, looking for all the world like a scolded child. Adam lifted a shaking hand to his forehead and pulled his hair, trying to relieve the headache building behind his eyes. Christ, he needed some sleep, and he needed out of this body.

“That was really shitty, what I said in there,” Tommy said quietly, looking at his shoes.

Adam shrugged his shoulders against the wall and gazed up at the cloudy, reddish black sky. “I deserve it. Well, some of it, I guess. But I can’t take this teasing, Tommy. That’s not fair, okay? And I’ll have to replace you if you keep it up because it…”

Adam didn’t finish his thought. He didn’t want to tell Tommy how much it hurt to be so close to him and then be shoved away, to know nothing Tommy had done this last week was genuine. He didn’t want Tommy to know that his longing for him was almost too much for him to handle. Then suddenly Tommy was kneeling next to him, looking him directly in the eye.

“I won’t do it any more. I’m the asshole. And I usually am a better person then this, I was just…so pissed off when Monte said that.” Tommy gnawed on his bottom lip. “Then to hear you say it was true…”

Adam watched Tommy’s face change, the creases in his forehead deepening. “So we’re both assholes. But whatever my reasons for hiring you, you’re still the best fit for the band.”

“Nah, man. Whoever played the best would have been the best fit, but thanks for saying so,” Tommy said. He stood back up and offered Adam a hand. Adam let the smaller man help him up and they’d started to walk back toward the club when a gaggle of girls walked by and eyed them both greedily before breaking into fangirly squeals.

Adam made a face and Tommy chuckled as the girls passed by, all turning around to get pictures of Adam on their phones.

“I have to admit, it’s been kind of fun to be the envy of every girl and guy around the last few days,” Tommy said, smirking a bit.

“You could have it all the time,” Adam suggested and then grimaced at himself. “Sorry, I really will try to be professional.”

Tommy merely chuckled again and looked at Adam, his eyebrow arched with curiosity. “You could have anyone. Why bother with the fourth best bassist?”

Ouch, Adam thought.

“I obviously can’t have anyone. You’ve made that clear enough. I suppose a professional relationship will have to do.” Tommy’s face fell at that. They stood in front of the club, Adam looking downward in the vain hope that he wouldn’t be recognized. “Enjoy the rest of your night. I’ll see you in the morning. Can you just tell Lane I walked back to the hotel?”

“You’re not coming in?”

Adam shook his head. “No. I’m tired. It’s been a Hell of a week and I have more interviews tomorrow.”

“Shouldn’t you walk with someone?”

Adam had to laugh at that, and as he did, he felt his hidden wings flex. “I’m a lot stronger than I look, Tommy Joe. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m not worried I just…” Tommy faltered and looked for words. “You still seem upset. If you need some company—”

“No, but thanks. I think I want to be alone, to know that don’t mean I’m not lonely.” A grin spread over Adam’s face.

“Did you just fucking quote Bon Jovi?”

Adam bit his lip to restrain the laughter in his throat. “Yep, and a ballad at that.”

“Dude,” Tommy shook his head in mock disappointment. “How can you be lonely, anyways? You’ve got people around you all the time, and pretty boys always hanging off you.”

Adam reached out and pressed his palm against Tommy’s cheek. Tommy closed his eyes. “I guess I’m not talking about that kind of lonely. Have a good night.”

Adam waited until Tommy was inside the club to turn back into the alley and will himself to Lucifer’s quarters. It was his last night with Lucifer, thankfully, but that also meant that he only had seven weeks left. He appeared in Lucifer’s room with a sigh, and the leader of the Fallen turned to him, flashing a bright smile.

“Don’t look so glum, Azazel. It’s our last night together. Let’s make it count.”

Lucifer winked wickedly and Adam braced himself for anything. If Lucifer wanted to make it count, there was no telling what tricks he had up his sleeve.

~~~//~~~

 

The next day, after what seemed like at least a million interviews, Adam retreated to his hotel room, showered off his stinking human body, and slipped into sweatpants. In mere hours he would be on a plane back to Los Angeles, and then back in the rental house that at least afforded him enough privacy to stretch his wings. Lane called to check in briefly, then Adam flopped onto the spongy hotel bed, content to flip through channels until he nodded off. About five minutes into dreamland, there was a knock at the door.

Adam opened his eyes and cursed.

“It’s Tommy. Get up.”

Adam turned his head and Brad was curled up next to him on the bed, eyes sparkling with mischief, his wings slowly waving behind him in a calm, soothing rhythm.

“You knew he was going to visit me and you let me shower? I didn’t even dry my hair!”

Brad giggled. “Too late now. Have fun, Azazel.”

Just as Brad disappeared, Tommy knocked again and Adam got up. He tried desperately to shape his hair into something presentable before he opened the door.

Tommy stood on the other side, clutching two paper bags with grease stains on them and grinning. “Lane said you were hungry.”

Adam’s groggy brain struggled. “How did you…?”

Tommy shrugged, still grinning. “I called Lane to check our flight time and she mentioned that she was trying to find food for you that would go with your diet. I told her I’d go get something cause I was hungry too.”

“And you got…”

“Burgers. Well, cheeseburgers. Fries. The best in New York, or at least that’s what I’ve been told.”

Adam eyed the greasy bags skeptically. “Lane told you to get me cheeseburgers.”

Tommy lowered his arms, defeated. “No. Actually, she told me to get you a spinach salad with avocado and sprouts and no dressing. I thought this was a better idea.”

Adam felt his stomach rumble with hunger. He smiled back at Tommy. “I like how you think. But Lane’s going to kill me.”

“I’ll carry it to the grave,” Tommy promised. His eyes glinted with naughtiness. “Besides, you’re not going to gain any weight from one burger. And I’m trying to apologize here.”

“You’ve already apologized,” Adam said, but he was reaching for one of the bags in Tommy’s hands.

Tommy followed him inside the room, kicking the door shut behind himself. “I know. And I think you’ve forgiven me. But that still hasn’t stopped me from feeling bad about it.”

“Stop. Although, if your guilt gets me burgers, I’ll take it.” Adam sat on the bed and removed a burger – wrapped in wax paper and dripping grease – from the bag. He unwrapped it reverently and sighed in pleasure when he took his first bite. Tommy sat next to him, watching him hopefully.

“Good?”

“That may be the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.” Adam stopped chewing, his eyes going wide. “Don’t tell Drake I said that.”

Tommy laughed. “Where is Drake, anyway? I thought he was supposed to join you on this trip.”

“Drake and I are always on again, off again. Right now we’re off again. I think this time we’ll stay that way.”

Tommy eyed him sadly as he munched on a handful of fries. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s for the best. There just wasn’t a spark there, you know?” Adam chewed slowly, savoring every ounce of fat. He didn’t want to talk about Drake. Drake had been so easy to take, almost soulless from the start. There was no victory in that. He’d follow Adam around like a little puppy for the rest of his life, and when he died Adam would have a room made up for him in his house. Adam sighed. He probably wouldn’t even visit him that much. It was all so meaningless. But Drake had wanted easy fame, Adam gave him that, and now Drake was his. An eternity for fifteen minutes.

“So you’re single?”

The question caught Adam off-guard. Not the question itself, but the tone in Tommy’s voice. It softened with something more than curiosity. Interest, maybe. He nodded. “Looks like it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Adam laughed and took another bite, talking through chewing. “Stop saying that.”

Tommy shrugged and picked out a burnt fry from his pile. “It’s just that last night you said…”

“I said what?”

Tommy looked down. “You said you felt lonely.”

“Is that why you’re here, Tommy? Cause you feel sorry for me?”

Tommy looked horrified. “No! I’m here because I wanted to apologize again and give you the best burgers in New York. It’s just…dude…you shouldn’t be lonely. You’re the most awesome singer I’ve ever… like, Robert Plant or some shit. And the arrangements you did on Idol were just sick. I just can’t believe you spend any time alone.” Tommy made a face and grabbed his hair. “Fuck. I just sounded like a fangirl.”

Adam reached out and patted Tommy’s knee. The tiny bit of contact made Adam feel awake again. “It’s okay. I like that the members of my band believe in me.”

“I totally do. You’re going to be huge, you know? Like Madonna or something.”

Adam watched as Tommy polished off his burger. The candor and sincerity behind those words was exactly the reason why Tommy’s soul was still so good. The kid didn’t say or do anything if he didn’t believe in it.

“I want to show you something,” Adam said and crawled off the bed to rummage through one of his bags. He pulled out a thick manila folder and tossed it, narrowly missing the pile of fries next to Tommy.

Tommy wiped grease on his pants and took the folder, opening it cautiously. “What is it?”

“Comments and scores from the band audition.”

Tommy let his eyes search Adam’s for a few seconds before turning back to the folder’s contents. Adam watched Tommy sort through pages of Monte’s notes, his notes, and the label rep’s notes as he finished his fattening meal. It was only when Adam picked up the phone and called room service that Tommy tore his eyes away from the documents.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Beer,” Tommy answered without hesitation.

Adam chuckled and ordered something he’d seen Tommy drink in the bars and a chocolate milkshake for himself, which made Tommy grin. Adam shrugged. “Might as well go all out if I’m gonna break my diet.”

“So these were the guys who played better than me?” Tommy asked, holding out a list in Monte’s handwriting.

Adam glanced at it and nodded, then he picked up several more sheets of paper, all corresponding to the names on the list. “They played better in the audition itself. But that was just playing. These two couldn’t cover anything but bass and we would have been screwed if Monte had to miss a show, so they were out. The guy with the top playing score couldn’t blend his voice with mine and he had the stage presence of a cardboard cutout anyways. And this guy…”

Adam pointed to the name of the freakiest bassist of them all. “He actually asked if it would be okay if he bit off the heads of bats while we performed. So he was out.”

Tommy laughed quietly.

“What I’m trying to say is that even without my inappropriate opinion of your ass, it would have been you. None of these other guys would have cut it in the end. They may have beat you on the playing, once, but you’re more talented overall and you’ve been beating the hell out of them since. So…”

The way Tommy smiled made Adam feel a bit tingly. “Thanks for showing me this. And thanks for picking me, regardless. I was beginning to think I’d never get a gig like this.” Tommy paused to roll his eyes. “And of course I almost fucked it up cause I was angry.”

God Himself could not have stopped Adam from reaching out and brushing his thumb over Tommy’s jaw. Tommy closed his eyes, reveling in the comforting gesture, while Adam felt strength flow from Tommy’s body to his. “I know what it’s like to be judged on looks, not talent, and I would have been angry too. I’m really sorry for making you feel that way.”

Tommy wrinkled his nose. “Okay, I think we’re going to have to stop apologizing to each other now.”

Adam laughed. “Yeah, let’s move on.”

There was a knock at the door and Adam got up to answer it. The hotel employee’s eyes drifted past Adam and into his room, taking note of Tommy before thanking Adam profusely for the tip. Adam closed the door, sighed heavily, and toted the milkshake and a few bottles of beer back to the bed.

“Ten bucks says that waiter is calling the National Enquirer right now.”

Tommy took a beer out of Adam’s hands, twisted off the cap, and took a deep drink. “Can’t be any worse than what this last week has been like. Do you know people are asking me over Twitter what you taste like? What the fuck?”

“What did you say? Glitter mixed with rock and roll?” Adam’s tongue was planted firmly in his cheek.

Thankfully, Tommy got the joke. “Of course. And green tea.”

Adam laughed and sucked up some of the chocolate shake, aware that Tommy was still watching him.

“How is it?”

“Almost better than sex.”

“I worry for your sex life.”

Adam laughed again and took another drink.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Tommy asked, not waiting for Adam’s answer before flipping on the TV and looking through the movie selection. “You okay with horror?”

“Horror’s fine, as long as it’s not those stupid Saw movies. God awful.” Adam flopped over on his belly with Tommy, both of them balancing their drinks until the bed stopped shaking. “And do you really want to watch a movie with me? You’re not just feeling sorry for me, right?”

“Dude, in spite of my recent behavior I usually don’t do shit with an ulterior motive in mind.” Tommy took a swig of beer, thoughtful. “Okay, so maybe I do have another motive.”

“What’s that?”

“Just want to get to know my boss, if that’s okay,” Tommy said quietly, but there was humor lacing his voice. “Might not be bad to be friends with a guy who not only has an awesome voice, but thinks I have a hot ass too.”

Adam rolled his eyes at that but had to fight the urge to touch Tommy again, or kiss him, especially since he was so close and the smell of him was so distracting.

“Oh, we’ve gotta watch this one! There are these zombies cause this whole town was infected with some crazy disease, all except for this family…”

Adam lost himself in Tommy as Tommy lost himself in the horror flick. It was nearly 4am before Tommy fell asleep, on top of the comforter and blankets and cheeseburger wrappers, and Adam was still watching him.

“Not going to sleep?” Brad asked, reappearing on the other side of Tommy.

Adam shook his head. “I’m afraid I might relax too much and he’d wake up and see my wings.”

Brad said nothing in return, but looked at Tommy’s peaceful face. “You know who he reminds me of?”

“Yeah,” Adam breathed, looking at Tommy too. He knew Tommy couldn’t hear them, but he still felt the need to whisper. “He doesn’t really look like Jareth, but there’s something about him that reminds me so much…”

Adam felt Brad’s gaze, heavy and concerned. “Jareth was your favorite son.”

Adam laughed, shaking his head. “I didn’t have a favorite, Brad. But Jareth seemed a little more fragile. Like he needed more of my protection. I guess maybe because he was the youngest.”

Brad continued to look at Adam. “Tommy’s not fragile.”

“Not like that, no.”

“That doesn’t mean he won’t break, Azazel.”

Adam jerked his head up, meeting Brad’s eyes for a fierce, hot second. Brad’s brown eyes glinted back, and Adam felt himself relent. “I know.”

“Sleep now. He won’t wake until I let him, I promise.”

Brad’s wings stretched up and out, encasing both Adam and Tommy in warmth and secrecy. Adam raised his head to look over Tommy’s to Brad. “Thanks, Uriel.”

And Adam drifted into deep, undisturbed sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

“This seat taken?”

Adam looked up at Tommy, whose bi-colored hair fell into his eyes, and grinned. “Want the window seat or the aisle?”

Tommy cocked his head. “Window, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Window seats aren’t made for my long legs. But they’re perfect for little elven boys.”

“For the last time,” Tommy said, hoisting his duffel bag into the seat’s overhead compartment, “I did not order the Lord of the Rings.”

“Oh, so it was just randomly playing when we woke up this morning?”

“Randomly. You must have hit a button on the remote or something while you were sleeping,” Tommy accused as Adam stood and they danced a little in the plane’s aisle before finding a way to get Tommy into the window seat. When they were both sitting comfortably, Tommy tucked in by the window and Adam with is legs stretched out into the aisle, Adam turned to him and snorted.

“Admit it, Ratliff. You’re only a step away from dressing up as Legolas and going to conventions and shit.”

Tommy laughed. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Adam felt himself blush. “Besides, I didn’t exactly see you turn it off.”

Adam chuckled and leaned his head back against the seat. Neither of them had directly addressed the fact that they’d woken during a particularly loud battle scene of Lord of the Rings to find themselves wrapped around each other. Neither of them had acted weird about it, though, either.

Tommy yawned.

“Long flight, if you want to sleep,” Adam offered.

Tommy made a face, his lips pouting just a smidge. “I just woke up. Seems a little silly to go back to sleep. I just, I don’t know. I woke up tired, which is weird, cause I slept like the dead.”

Adam felt the little hairs on his arms stand up at that. He shrugged. “Maybe since we didn’t really go to sleep until four in the morning you could allow it just this once.”

Tommy looked at him sideways before turning away with a smirk. Within minutes the plane was taxiing down the runway and lifting into the air. Tommy kept his gaze on the window as New York City passed by, his hands gripping the arm rests so tightly that his knuckles were bright white. Adam smiled a little at that. If only Tommy knew he had the best guardian angel in the universe, he’d never be scared of anything.

When the gray, dark day gave way to clouds and then the stunning blue of the bright sky, Tommy turned back to Adam with a yawn and a sheepish smile. “Okay, maybe just a little nap.”

“Want a pillow?”

“Nah,” Tommy said and leaned his head against the window. “Just don’t let me sleep too long, okay?”

Adam nodded, though he knew he’d let Tommy sleep the whole way to L.A.. A whole night sleeping next to Tommy had renewed Adam’s energy entirely, but he had no doubt that the night had left Tommy drained and weak. Humans simply didn’t have the fortitude to be in the presence of the divine for so long.

Adam shut his eyes and tried in vain not to think about the way Tommy smelled, or the way his thigh was resting against his, or the tingle of warmth that his glowing soul radiated. He breathed deep and listened.

Brad wasn’t visible but he was close by. Adam could hear the slight flutter of wings, could feel the dull hum inside his chest that told him another immortal was near. Over that and the drone of the engine, he could pick out Monte’s voice in conversation with LP. Adam had nearly forgotten they were in the seats behind him, though they were the only people in first class. Adam listened to his band mates chatter about music and girls and drug experiences for the better part of an hour before two things happened.

The first was that Tommy shifted and laid his head on Adam’s shoulder.

The second was that Monte noticed.

“Looking a little cozy up there, Lambert.”

Adam felt himself smirk. “Shut it, Monte.”

Monte leaned over the seat and looked down at his and Tommy’s heads. “He didn’t come back to his room last night. Don’t deny it.”

Adam carefully turned his head so that he could see Monte and not wake Tommy. “Nothing happened. He just wanted to apologize more.”

Monte’s pleased-as-punch expression fell as he stared down at Adam. “Everything okay, then?”

Adam sighed. It was dizzying how quickly Monte went from total douche to good friend. But he was, in spite of himself, a good friend when Adam had the need for it. That’s why he’d kept him around all this time as a human. “I guess so. He just felt really awful. I guilt tripped him pretty badly, though. I mean, he was being a dick but still.”

“Yeah, well, he was really fuckin’ angry, dude. I just said it kind of kidding, you know? And he looked like he wanted to rip you apart.” Monte rolled his eyes. “Sorry. If I had known he’d take it that personally—”

“Don’t worry about it. And hey, if you’re going to keep talking to me, how about you move your ass over to that seat so I don’t get a kink in my neck.” Adam waved to the seat across the aisle.

Monte laughed but did as Adam suggested and LP moved in front of Monte, leaning into the aisle as well so they could all talk without shouting. Adam watched as Monte glanced almost warmly at the sleeping boy on his shoulder. “He’s a fucking kick ass guitarist. Pretty decent guy too. He was just mad, you know? And I didn’t help matters.”

Adam glared at Monte but it was innocuous. “You seemed to be having a good time.”

Monte laughed a deep, full bellied laugh. LP joined in with a snort.

“You’re just an easy target.”

Adam snorted at that and leaned slightly into Tommy’s hair. It smelled like the hotel shampoo. When he looked back at his band mates, LP was grinning and Monte was rolling his eyes.

“Hey, LP, tell Adam about your mom’s new thing. That’ll keep him from molesting Tommy while he sleeps.”

LP’s grin grew bigger. “So my mom’s having a séance this weekend.”

Adam straightened his back involuntarily, and Tommy grumbled something in his sleep at the movement. “What? Why?”

“The new house she bought has a ghost.” At Adam’s dubious glare, LP continued with a laugh. “No shit. Things fly off the counters, doors slam shut, lights dim. The whole works. So she’s having her friends over to talk to this ghost and see if they can get it to leave.”

“Is she getting someone like, experienced with this sort of thing to come?” Adam asked with concern. Coldness swept over his skin, and he felt Brad’s presence more strongly than before. Brad didn’t like this conversation either.

Adam’s concern was met with a shrug. “I guess a friend of hers has done this before.”

“She needs to be careful.” Adam turned to Tommy with a start. He hadn’t noticed Tommy waking at all, and here he was, speaking Adam’s exact thoughts out loud. “If she opens the doors to the other world, she could be inviting a whole lot of crazy stuff in. Much crazier than a ghost. Sometimes people just get lost on their way to the other side and need guidance. The ghost probably isn’t trying to be scary.”

Adam shook his head at Tommy, who was yawning. “No. Ghosts are there for a reason. They can’t let go of something, or they don’t want to go on.” Adam felt himself flush at the stares of his friends. “Just my opinion. I don’t think anyone gets lost. I think the path has to be clearer than that.”

Tommy cocked his head at Adam. “I don’t know, man. One time in high school we went out to this cemetery and played around with a Ouija board—”

“Dude, those things are fucking scary,” Monte cut in.

LP just laughed. “No they aren’t. It was always someone messing with that little pointer thing.”

“Well, whatever. My point is,” Tommy continued with annoyance, “we talked to a ghost claiming he was nine years old, that he’d died from the flu and he couldn’t find his way to Heaven.”

Adam shook his head again. Children would be the last to get lost of anyone. They still remembered the way. But Tommy either ignored Adam’s disagreement or didn’t see it, and he was going on.

“But seriously. She needs to be careful. She could be inviting something a whole lot more dangerous than a lost ghost into her home.”

The gravity of the situation seemed to sink in, and LP finally gave his attention to Tommy in full. “Like what?”

“Demons, dude,” Tommy replied and Adam felt the cold on his skin prick him all over. “And those are ten times harder to get rid of than ghosts.”

A few ticks of stunned silence went by before Monte broke the tension with a guffaw. “Seriously? You believe in that crap?”

Tommy opened his mouth to defend himself but Adam already had that covered. “He’s right. Demons are real and they’re just looking for a host, so if your mom accidentally invites them in, things could get really dangerous.”

“Looking for a host…” Monte scoffed, but LP was focused on Adam.

“What do you mean, Adam? You sound like you know a lot about them.”

Adam felt Tommy and LP eyeing him apprehensively and wished like hell he could just go back in time and not enter this conversation at all. He tried to shrug it off casually. “Nah. Probably just something I heard at Hebrew school or something. I mean, they used to try to scare us with old legends and stuff.”

“And they told you one about demons?” Tommy asked, enthralled.

“Yeah, I guess so. At least, I remember a story about why they exist.”

“I want to hear it,” LP said seriously. Adam could feel his worry about his mother radiating from him.

Adam shook his head. “I wouldn’t want to bore you guys.”

Tommy nudged Adam with his elbow. “We’re not gonna land for hours. Entertain us. Besides, I want to know.”

Adam thought about it. He felt Brad’s entire being will him to say no, and that may have been the reason why Adam grinned and looked at his companions and said, “Okay. So in the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth…”

 

 _  
_

_In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth, and the Earth was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the Abyss and a mighty wind swept over the waters. So God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light, and it was good. Then God separated the light from the dark, and He called the light day, and the darkness night, and although it was good, it made God sad, for the night was too quiet and the day was too lonely._

 _And so on the second day, God created companions, the Sons of God, and He named them angels. And as God gathered the water into seas and drew up the earth into mountains, the angels helped and watched and they loved their Father for all the wonders He had done._

 _On the third day, when God created all the plants of the Earth, they praised Him further, and He taught them the secrets of His creations, and they saw that it was good._

 _On the fourth day, God made the great luminaries of the sky, the Sun and the Moon and the Stars, and He taught the angels how to use them as guides and how to note the passing of time, and they saw that it was good._

 _On the fifth day, God created the animals of the sea and of the skies and He taught the angels how to care for them, and they saw that it was good._

 _But on the sixth day, God said to the angels, “Let us make Man in our image, so that they can have dominion over the creatures of the deep and of the air, of the plants and the earth and the stars.” And the angels watched as God created Adam and Eve in their likeness. Perfect, beautiful beings that had bodies of flesh and blood and bone and spirits that shined like the stars themselves, and the angels agreed that Man was good. So God said to Man, “The night and the day, the sea and the land, the plants and the animals and all the stars are yours. Go forth and multiply, fill the Earth with Our likeness.”_

 _So God led Adam and Eve to the Garden of Eden, where they lived happily until the day that they ate the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, and God became furious at their betrayal and cast them out of the Garden. He cursed them with pain and sickness and mortality, and called a group of angels to bring death to them. He called these angels The Destroyers._

 _But because He still loved the humans so, in spite of their betrayal, He also called forth a group of angels to protect them from harm, because they could not protect themselves. He named them Watchers, and He matched every human soul to a twin divine spirit of a Watcher._

 _The humans flourished and multiplied, and as the angels fulfilled their duties, they could not help but notice how beautiful the sons and daughters of Man were, how precious and fragile they seemed, and some of the angels fell in love with humans. Destroyers and Watchers alike fashioned themselves bodies of flesh and blood and took the humans as lovers, and loved the humans as they loved each other. The women became pregnant and bore the children of the angels, whom the angels named the Nephilim, the giants, and though they were of flesh and blood like their mothers, they had the divine spirits of their fathers. They were larger, more intelligent, and far more beautiful than mere humans, and their fathers loved them deeply._

 _The angels began to teach the Nephilim the secrets God had taught them: how to read the stars, how to use plants for healing, how to craft weapons from the metals of the earth, how to beautify themselves, and how to tend the land. With this knowledge, the Nephilim became independent and did not see God as something to revere. When God saw that they did not see Him as wondrous, He became angry._

 _He gathered His best Destroyers and His best Watchers: Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, and Azazel, and said, “Prepare for a Great Flood. I will send rains to wash away these arrogant half-breeds and their mothers, and the humans will become faithful again.”_

 _And so His best angels scattered and the rains came, and the Nephilim were drowned in the deep waters of the Flood. But because their spirits were immortal, like their fathers’, the Nephilim lived on. They went to the Lord of Heaven and begged for entrance, but God cursed them back to Earth, dooming them to an eternity of suffering for their transgressions, forever walking the Earth without a body to possess, but unwelcome in Heaven or Hell._

 

When Adam finished his story, he blinked slowly, centering himself back in reality, back in 2010. LP, Monte, and Tommy stared at him with frightened expressions, expressions mixed with just a touch of indignation as well.

“So…” LP finally said after a few minutes, his voice barely audible over the roar of the plane engine, “you’re saying demons were the angels’ children? They don’t have bodies so they like, possess other people to get one?”

Adam nodded. “Usually with the hope that the human will die and their spirit will follow theirs into the afterlife.”

Adam looked at Tommy, who was biting at his lip nervously, his thin brows knit together as he concentrated. “But they were just kids? The…Nephi…”

“Nephilim,” Adam offered. “And no. I mean, some of them were grown when the Flood came. But yeah, some of them were just…children.”

Adam swallowed and hoped to Hell that none of them noticed how small and tight his voice had become.

“Shit. I’d be angry too if God drowned me and doomed me for all eternity,” Monte said, chuckling uneasily. “No wonder they’re so nasty in the movies. I’d be trying to possess people all the time. Still man, better warn your mom about this crazy stuff. If it freaks Adam out enough to dig up repressed memories of Hebrew school, it’s gotta be bad.”

LP nodded gravely. “Yeah. I think I’ll call her when we land.”

Monte quickly engaged LP in conversation but Tommy had turned away, staring out the window with a strange look on his face.

“Did I spook you?” Adam asked, trying to make his voice sound light and joking.

“I’m not spooked. Just…” Tommy turned to Adam and shook his head. “I don’t know. It was a weird story. You really believe it.”

“No,” Adam disagreed quickly. “It was just what I was raised with.”

“Yeah, I know, and now you’re into New Agey stuff and astrology. But it’s okay to believe some of that other stuff too, I think.” Tommy bit his lip and laughed a little. “I mean, my mom took me to church and stuff. Some of it stuck.”

“So do you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior?”

Tommy scowled at Adam. “Shut up.”

Adam laughed. “Kidding, kidding. What do you believe, then, Tommy Joe? Are you agnostic? Atheist? Or do you believe in God?”

Tommy turned toward the window again, his face softening. “My mom is pretty religious but I never really bought into it, you know? At least the whole church part. I think there’s something out there but…I don’t know if it’s what they talked about in church. I don’t think it’s as simple as that. I’m really sure that if there is a God, it’s not like the one in your story. So I guess I’m not Jewish.”

Adam chuckled. “Not a fan of a vengeful God?”

“How could you be?”

“Indeed.” Adam rested his head against the seat, surprised at Tommy’s thoughts. “There are always two sides to every story, though. Maybe there was a reason why God didn’t want the humans and the Nephilim to know all his secrets.”

“Well, if that was true, why didn’t he just punish the angels that taught them all that stuff?”

 _He did that too,_ Adam thought. _And then some._

“What do you believe?”

Adam turned sharply to Tommy in surprise. Tommy was staring at him, waiting for an answer. Adam inhaled slowly, then cleared his throat before replying, “I think I’d rather trust in planets and meditation for guidance than a god who murders innocents.”

When Tommy only gave him a strange look in return, Adam faked a yawn and closed his eyes. “Wake me before we land?”

“Sure, boss.”

“Why did you do that?” Brad’s voice said, echoing in Adam’s head, for his auditory pleasure only.

“Do what?”

“Don’t be obtuse. You know what I mean.”

If Adam’s eyes had been open, he would have rolled them. “I told him a story, so what?”

“You left out some crucial parts.”

“Just the most painful ones.”

“You made Elohim out to be the bad guy.”

“Wasn’t He?”

Adam opened his eyes. Brad was glaring at him from across the aisle, practically sitting on Monte’s lap. He leaned forward, his warm and bright face looming in front of Adam’s. “You’re the bad guy, Azazel. You and all the others that go around seducing humans for their souls.”

Adam moved his face closer to Brad’s, unflinching. “Call me what you want. But at least this way I never lose them. Isn’t that exactly what you’re trying to do to me?”

Brad’s angelic face flashed red with anger before he disappeared, leaving only the feeling of rage behind.


	5. Chapter 5

_Just do it, you coward,_ Adam willed with a skill acquired over thousands of years, and the man he was watching picked up the pistol on his desk and raised it level to his eyes.

 _They’re all going to find out that you’re a fraud. Do it now. End this. Get out while you can._

The man turned the gun so that the barrel stared him in the eye.

 _You’re a fraud, Lewis Holmes. A fraud and a hypocrite. Your soul isn’t God’s, no matter what you tell your followers. You sold it long ago. Get out now before they find out._

Lewis Holmes, pastor of Zion Evangelical Church and televangelist to many an American soul, pulled the trigger and shot himself in the face.

Adam sighed with relief and waited for just a few seconds in the precious silence that followed the gun shot. Dark cherry blood seeped down the man’s neck onto his expensive leather desk chair, then dripped onto the hardwood floor. His head fell, quite luckily, onto the ledgers that would tell the American public just how much money Lewis Holmes was pocketing from the church collection plate.

Adam cleared his throat and waited. One…two…three…

Sherri Holmes burst into the office to see her husband, dead, and shrieked in horror. The next second, Lewis was beside him, crying.

“No. I can’t go yet.”

Adam shook his head, his wings straightening to points behind his back. “Your contract did not include a clause specifying how much time you had. Lucifer wants you now.”

“You’re the voice I heard,” Lewis accused, and Adam didn’t dignify it with a response. “I’m not done. It wasn’t meant to be like this.”

“That is not for you to decide.” Adam turned his gaze away from the pool of blood toward the pathetic soul of the man next to him, shaking his head. “Televangelism? Really? Did you think saving other souls would redeem yours? That God would intercede on your behalf?”

The soul of Lewis Holmes nodded dumbly, staring in horror as his wife clung to his lifeless body, staining herself red.

“They’ll be ok. Your wife and kids. That was in the contract.” Adam turned his eyes from the scene in front of him and looked once more to Lewis. “But God is powerless here. Your soul wasn’t His to save the second you signed. Come with me, Lewis. It’s not so bad. After a few thousand years you won’t remember there was another option.”

Seconds later they were in Lucifer’s office, his boss beaming at his handiwork.

“Only my best Destroyer could have done that so easily.”

Adam gave Lucifer a polite nod. “Is there anything else tonight?”

“No,” Lucifer said, his handsome face relaxing. “Go see your pretty human. Win him for me too, okay?”

Adam smiled and left Lewis Holmes in the hands of Satan, falling onto his couch in his L.A. apartment as a human. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Tommy’s number.

After that, he needed to see a pure soul.

“Tommy?” Adam said as a high tenor voice groggily greeted him. “Are you busy?”

“No, man. Just snoozing. What’s up?”

“I’m starving. Let’s go eat.”

“Sure. Where are we—” but Adam had already hung up and was in his Mustang, driving off to Burbank for his bassist.

“Burritos,” Adam said as Tommy opened the door to his studio apartment. “Burritos, beer, and then the original Nosferatu. You promised you’d show me that one.”

Tommy’s eyes went all soft. “Burritos, beer, and a silent horror movie? Fuck a professional relationship. Marry me, Adam Lambert, and have my babies.”

“Okay, but I’m not ruining my figure for kids. You’re going to have to man up for that.”

Tommy chuckled and waved him in. “Just let me grab a sweatshirt.”

Adam stepped in. The small apartment was kind of a mess, but in that adorable, “I’m a guy so I don’t pick up after myself” kind of way, not in a gross kind of way. Adam had only been there once before (as a human, anyway), to deliver his music to his new bassist personally. In his real form he’d seen the apartment more than he cared to admit.

There was a flat screen on the wall, a new addition since the last time. Oh, the joys of a steady paycheck. It was tuned in to CNN of all things, and Adam watched the images flicker by as Tommy searched through his closet. The news anchor segued to a shot of a house flanked by emergency vehicles, and people gathered on the street outside, holding candles and signs and flowers.

Tommy shrugged into a black hoodie and watched the screen. “That one guy, you know the one that shouts ‘Give us the blessing!’ and heals people by hitting them on the forehead? That preacher dude? He shot himself in the head.”

Adam nodded, staring blankly at the TV. A shot of Sherri Holmes filled the screen now, her mascara running as she told viewers to pray for her fatherless children. “Lewis Holmes. I know of him, yeah.”

“My mom watched him all the time. She’s probably all upset.” Tommy zipped his hoodie. “Great message, though, right? Jesus makes you happy, then BANG! A bullet in the brain.”

That exact message had been the point.

Adam reached onto a coffee table and grabbed a remote, turning off the TV. By now, Lewis Holmes was settled into the Eighth Circle and there was no need to think about it anymore.

“Burritos?” Adam asked.

“Burritos.”

The place Tommy suggested they go was only a mile or so from his apartment, and it was the kind of place that was little more than a carnival stand made permanent. But Adam trusted his expert opinion on burritos and climbed out of the car with him, waiting and watching warmly as Tommy ordered for him at the window. Just as the woman behind the glass handed Tommy a huge brown paper bag, a shriek came from behind them.

“Oh my god! Adam Lambert!”

Adam felt himself wince and turned to face what he hoped wouldn’t be a bat shit crazy fan. What he saw when he turned was much, much worse.

It was a teenage girl, flanked by a few friends, but behind the girl’s bright blue eyes was a foreign, restless soul, battling for space and control within her body.

Adam’s reaction was swift but subtle. He stepped in front of Tommy and squared his shoulders, looking into the girl’s eyes directly. He heard a screech erupt from inside her, followed by a desperate, frantic plea.

“You can help me. You can get me in. He’s going to let you back in! You have to help me. Please! I can’t do this anymore!”

Adam reached out and laid his palm flat against the girl’s cheek. The demon inside her calmed in response. “I will plead with Elohim on your behalf if I re-enter Heaven, child. I wish I could do more. I know you’re suffering. Please leave this poor girl alone. She hasn’t wronged you. Leave her in peace.”

As soon as he implored the demon, it left the teenage girl’s body, and the girl gave Adam an exhausted, awed smile that was all human. “Will you sign my notebook?”

Adam signed what looked like her biology notebook and waved to her giggling friends, and when that was done he took Tommy by the elbow and led him back to the car.

“What the hell was that, man?” Tommy asked as soon as they were safe inside. “What was her problem? Do you deal with that shit every day?”

Adam glanced at the girls in his rearview as the Mustang tore out of the parking lot. “Not quite that level, no. Are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah,” Tommy said, rolling his eyes. “Thanks for acting like my bodyguard, by the way. But for the record, you’re the one they’re after. What was she saying? It was so high pitched I could hardly hear it.”

“What did you catch?” Adam asked nervously. His human legs felt like Jello. Face to face with a demon. That hadn’t happened in years.

“Just some shit about getting her in somewhere. What was she talking about? A concert?”

“Who the fuck knows…” Adam mumbled, trying to brush it off.

“You’re good, though. You calmed her down. I thought she was going to lose her shit.”

Adam smiled. “Sometimes you just need kind words. People get nuts when they’re nervous.”

Shit. A demon. Had it sought him out or was it merely a coincidence? And…what demon was it? Adam felt a dull ache beginning in his heart. It had been too long. They’d been cursed to the point of being unrecognizable. For all he knew, he could have been talking to Jareth, or Malin, or Karael, or Rumen…

He couldn’t even recognize his own children. _Damn Elohim… He should be the one in the Abyss…_

“You okay? You’re sweating.”

Adam swallowed and tried to smile at Tommy. “Just shaken. Sorry. Not really used to this yet.”

“Maybe you should invest in a bodyguard,” Tommy said, no trace of humor in his voice at all. He was dead serious.

“Worried about me?”

Adam looked over at Tommy and watched his face flush. “Hey, if someone pulls a Selena on you I’m out of work.”

Adam chuckled, his nerves calming a bit with Tommy’s playfulness. Christ, his soul was beautiful. “So it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you like me?”

Tommy grinned a little and turned to stare out the window. “I do like you. But it’s really more about the money.”

Adam laughed again, and after he parked on Tommy’s street, he reached over and cupped Tommy’s face in his hand, much like he’d done with the possessed girl at the burrito stand. The parallel to it made him feel shaky all over again. “Sure. All about the money. Not at all about the fear that you’ll never know what it’s like to kiss me for real.”

Tommy’s pale skin turned bright red at that, but his ego refused to be bested. “Cold, hard cash, Lambert. That’s my true love.”

“I thought your true love was burritos.”

“Shhh. Keep your voice down. My wallet might hear.”

When they were inside the apartment, Tommy dug in the fridge for beer and Adam mumbled something about needing to splash his face with water and locked himself in Tommy’s small bathroom. Before he could even call for him, Brad was there, sitting on the edge of the tub.

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Adam yelled at him.

“It wasn’t one of yours,” Brad said, his voice soft. Kind. Sympathetic. “Adam, listen to me. It wasn’t one of your children.”

Adam stilled. He let Brad’s words wash him with relief and he nodded, his eyes closing so that Brad wouldn’t see his stupid human tears. He was thankful to hear that, and oddly disappointed at the same time. “How do you know?”

“Well, I don’t for sure. But I didn’t sense them.” Brad shook his head. “I think news of our bet is traveling fast. They’re going to search you out, now.”

“I can’t help them.”

“No, but you can see how it would make them hopeful. If Elohim lets you back into Heaven, they might have a shot too.”

“He won’t.”

“He might, Adam.”

“He fucking won’t. You know that, Uriel.” Adam balled his hands to fists. “If He didn’t need me for something, He wouldn’t have asked you to win me back. So what would He want with a few hundred insane Nephilim? What could they possibly do for Him? Merciful god, my ass.”

“Shh!” Brad hissed. “You know He is.”

“Ah, I arrive just in time to hear Uriel defend his vengeful master. Lovely.” Lucifer solidified next to Adam, a sneer painted onto his angelic face.

“As if you have a right to call anyone vengeful, Lucifer,” Brad spat, but in spite of his bravado, the angel shrank away from Lucifer with both fear and disgust.

“No matter,” Lucifer purred, his arms snaking around Adam’s waist. “I’m thankful for the way He is, whatever you want to call it. Without Him, where would I be? I certainly wouldn’t have my most precious Destroyer, or a kingdom of my own.”

Brad’s eyes flashed with fire as he looked at Adam in Lucifer’s embrace. “Kingdom? Hardly. More like a hopeless wasteland.”

Lucifer pushed black fringe out of Adam’s eyes and smiled lovingly at his favorite angel. “Call it what you want, but from where I stand, the view is lovely.”

A hot blush crept up Adam’s neck and he looked sheepishly at Brad, who was fuming. His white wings stretched out dangerously before tightening again. “Enough, Lucifer. We know who wins this game in the end. It’s written.”

“He may win the war, but this battle is mine.” Lucifer pulled Adam closer and gave him a soft kiss on the lips before turning to Brad with a mocking smile. “Azazel will win that boy’s soul. He’ll never be yours again, Uriel.”

At that, Brad seemed to literally explode with anger, disappearing with the help of blinding flames.

“That was cruel of you.”

“It was. You know, I think he hates that you took me for a lover more than he hates that you Fell.” Lucifer kissed Adam slowly on the neck. “Apologize on my behalf later?”

“Of course.”

“And if it doesn’t work out with Tommy tonight, you’re welcome in my chambers.”

Adam felt his mouth curve into a grin. The idea wasn’t half bad.

“But I hope for both our sakes that I won’t see you.”

Adam pulled back from Lucifer and winked. The sounds of Tommy opening bottles of beer drifted through the door. “Me too. Later.”

“Later,” Lucifer said and disappeared just as Adam opened the door. Tommy was waiting with a cold one in hand.

“You okay?”

“Great,” Adam replied honestly, looking past Tommy’s irises into his white soul. “Time for vampires and burritos?”

Tommy nodded, his smile slow and sly, and took Adam by the hand. “My futon is very comfy, I swear.”

Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand and let himself be led. Burritos, beer, vampires, and Tommy on a comfy futon. Life was heavenly.

~~~//~~~

Even with Tommy’s precious soul next to him, Adam slept fitfully, his dreams filled with the sounds of rain, crashing waves, and the mingling screams of children. When morning came and he opened his eyes, he found himself curled around Tommy’s smaller body, and Brad’s wings hugging both of them close. Adam raised his head and looked past Tommy’s poufy blond hair, smiling at Brad and saying, “You’re too good to me.”

“Just making sure my charge doesn’t wake up to see an angel in his bed. I’d surely lose the bet, then.”

Brad’s loving grin told Adam that wasn’t the whole truth. “Lucifer was mean yesterday.”

“Well, that is his nature.”

“Still…” Adam sighed. “He asked me to apologize.”

“No matter. Just remind him next time he takes a cheap shot at me that you gave me a few centuries while he only got a measly decade or two.” Adam chuckled, his voice sleepy and deep. Brad stared at him. “Do you dream of them often?”

The dreams filled Adam’s thoughts again and he shook his head. “No. But I should have expected it last night, after…after the demon.”

“I couldn’t do anything unless it came after Tommy. I would have warned you if I could have.”

“I know,” Adam said, and just then Tommy stirred in Adam’s arms. With a wink, Brad disappeared and Tommy opened his eyes.

“Morning.”

They shifted, the futon squeaking underneath them. They didn’t untangle their limbs from each other in the slightest. They just rearranged, drawing each other a little closer in the process. “Morning. This is the second time in a week we’ve woken up like this.”

Tommy buried his head in the crook of Adam’s arm and said, muffled, “So what does that mean?”

“You tell me.”

“I think it means you make me sleepy.”

Adam laughed. “I think it means you still want to kiss me for real.”

“Hmmn,” Tommy said and lifted his head, pretending to ponder it. “Maybe you’re right.”

Adam leaned over Tommy, his lips hovering over the blonde’s for a teasing second before planting them sloppily on his forehead with a laugh. He rolled off the futon, leaving Tommy pouting behind him. “Do you have coffee?”

“In the cupboard above the maker, and you’re a tease, Lambert.”

Adam reached down for his shirt then thought the better of it. He liked the way Tommy’s eyes scanned each and every freckle on his chest. He strolled into the apartment’s kitchenette. As he prepared the coffee it occurred to him that he could open the fridge, make coffee, watch TV, and take a shit all at the same time in the tiny little studio. He sighed. He was going to have to start paying Tommy more.

Tommy joined him in the kitchenette, shirtless as well, thank Lucifer, and Adam handed him a mug of thick, muddy coffee. Tommy took a sip, sighed appreciatively, then placed the mug on the counter. He leaned against Adam and Adam wrapped his arms around him. Adam closed his eyes and let himself enjoy Tommy with all his human senses. His skin on Tommy’s skin, warm and tickling and beautiful and fragrant. Under that pretty pale skin, Tommy’s heart was beating slowly and weakly.

“Are you okay?”

Tommy pulled back, his face scrunched with confusion. “Just really tired. How come I’ve been waking up tired?”

“Maybe you’re getting sick.” It was a possibility that Tommy was indeed getting sick and it wasn’t just his body’s reaction to being close to Adam all night. Even the weakest humans had the ability to form some sort of tolerance to the divine after a while, so it would have been odd for Adam to have sapped his energy so completely. Adam put his own mug down and placed a hand on Tommy’s forehead. If Tommy had known what Adam really was, he could have just looked into his eyes and scanned his inner body for illness. As it was, he had to take the normal human route. “You feel warm. Why don’t you take today off and sleep?”

“I don’t want to miss rehearsal.” Tommy was adamant.

“We’ve got practically all the arrangements worked out, so it’s not a big deal if you miss. Besides, it’s better to miss now and get healthy than spend a week in bed later cause you were too stubborn to take care of yourself.”

Tommy stuck his tongue out at Adam. “Alright, Mom.”

“Back to bed, then?”

Tommy cocked his head. “You’re coming with me?”

Adam’s smile was slow. Tempting. “There’s a few hours before rehearsal.”

Adam steered Tommy back toward the futon and they both crawled underneath the covers, wrapping their bodies tightly together again. The presence of Tommy, his smell and his light and his being, were intoxicating, and Adam couldn’t help himself. He pressed himself hard against Tommy, his lips moving against Tommy’s neck, not really kissing, just grazing.

“If you’re trying to drive me crazy, you’re doing a great job.”

Adam mumbled laughter into Tommy’s skin. “Sucks being teased, doesn’t it?”

“I thought we’d moved beyond this. Forgive and forget, all that?”

“I forgive, Tommy, but I never forget.”

Tommy pressed a hand on Adam’s chest, pushing him away just enough so that he could look him in the eye. “Don’t. I know I fucked up, and last week I was really angry but… I’m not lying anymore, okay? I like you. And I don’t mean that I like you as my boss or as an incredible singer. I like how you get burritos with me even though you’d rather have sushi, and I like that you don’t seem freaked out by my messy apartment, and I like that you ask me questions and seem to care about my answers. And I really like how I don’t feel like I should lie to you or make myself look better for you. So don’t do this, okay?”

“Hey,” Adam said softly, pushing himself up on an elbow. “I was just kidding.” He sighed. “Maybe it’s a little too soon to joke?”

Tommy stared at him for a second before giving him a weak laugh and letting his head fall against Adam’s chest. “Sorry. God, that’s embarrassing.”

“Tommy,” Adam said, and cupped Tommy’s jaw so that he had nowhere to look but directly into Adam’s eyes. “For what it’s worth, I like you too. And not because I think you’re incredibly sexy or because you play in my band. I like that you don’t hide yourself, that you don’t expect me to be a rock star all the time, that you don’t give a shit if I spill guacamole on myself or cover my eyes during the scary parts of Nosferatu. I like how you’ve somehow managed to like me in spite of what a jackass I am.”

“Of course I like you. Even when I was being a total dick, you gave me your scarf. How could I not?” Tommy shut his eyes and turned his mouth toward Adam’s palm, planting a single, open-mouthed kiss there. “This isn’t going to fuck up the band, is it?”

“I don’t know. Monte might get a little jealous.” Tommy snorted, which morphed into a yawn. Adam pulled him even closer. “Go to sleep. Maybe I’ll just cancel rehearsal. I’m tired too.”

That was a lie. Spending the whole night lying next to Tommy made Adam feel as if he could run a marathon, but he’d rather spend the afternoon in bed with him than rehearse for four hours.

“No, don’t cancel. We’ve got really important gigs coming up.”

“Yeah, if you consider Ellen and Oprah important.”

“Only a little,” Tommy replied, a laugh in his voice. “I mean, I’m sure you and me and Monte could wing it, but…”

“Yeah, LP needs some work.”

They both chuckled at that, and Adam felt Tommy shift just a bit, so that his gorgeous lean body was almost completely under his, and suddenly Adam wasn’t laughing anymore. “Now who’s teasing who?”

“Just trying to get you to kiss me for real.”

“Kiss you when you probably have the plague?” Ha. The Plague. That had been good times.

“You’re not going to kiss me cause you might get sick?” Tommy asked, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Gotta keep these precious pipes healthy.”

“No, you’re just chicken shit, Lambert. You’re afraid to kiss me for real cause you might fall in love with me.”

Adam grinned. “No, you’ve got that backwards. I’m afraid if I kiss you, you’ll never be satisfied with another man, ever again. And that’s just no way to live.”

“Sure,” Tommy scoffed. “You’ll ruin all men for me. Maybe even all women. Hell, you’re Adam Lambert. I bet you could ruin the entire human race for me and I’ll only be satisfied with beautiful, glittery aliens from here on out.”

“Something like that,” Adam said, barely able to contain his laughter at how eerily true that might be. “Don’t worry. I’ll kiss you soon, and then life as you know it will never be the same.”

“You’d better live up to that.”

“I will. You know I will. Even when I wasn’t really giving it my all I had you squirming.”

“Did not.”

“Did too. You may have just been trying to get revenge, but I got to you, Tommy Joe,” Adam said, biting at the cord of muscle in Tommy’s neck. “All the tell-tale signs. The shallow breathing, the speeding pulse…the boner poking my hip.”

Adam watched as Tommy turned bright red, even to the tips of his ears. “Shut up.”

“Just saying. Be careful what you wish for.” Adam snuggled closer into Tommy and tried to keep his mind on comforting him instead of the memory of his tongue inside Tommy’s mouth. “Get some sleep. I’ll stay as long as I can. Promise me you’ll call later, even if you’re feeling better?”

“I promise,” Tommy said, but he was already drifting into sleep, and Adam held him until his body relaxed and became as heavy as lead.

He looked small and pale on the futon as Adam got ready to leave, but Brad was there, sitting in the corner, watching. Tommy was in good hands. Without a word, Adam slipped out the front door and drove to rehearsal.


	6. Chapter 6

Adam slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and pushed his Mustang’s engine to the limit. Rehearsal had run over. Without Tommy’s strong bass beat, LP and Monte were off even more than usual and Adam had come dangerously close to pulling out his precious onyx hair and abusing his even more precious voice screaming at them. Now it was almost eight o’clock and Tommy hadn’t texted, only a few assuaging tweets to fans that hardly masked what Adam feared: Tommy was really sick.

He parked and almost flew up the stairs to Tommy’s door. Brad stood in front of it, blocking his entrance.

“Get out of my way.”

“He’s really sick, Adam. You shouldn’t see him now.”

Adam felt his guts twist as Brad justified his panic. “Let me pass.”

“Trust me, okay?” Brad’s brown eyes were pleading. “He’ll be fine. If he was that bad I would have made sure you, or someone else, was here. Just let him rest right now.”

“Uriel, I swear to the nine Hells, if you don’t let me pass I will turn the entire Pacific to blood. Do you hear me?”

The fear in Brad’s eyes was sharp and fresh. He nodded and stepped to the side. Adam burst through the door.

The smell of sickness inside the tiny apartment was overwhelming. Bitter vomit and salty sweat filled the air. Tommy lay on the futon, curled up as small as he could make himself. His t-shirt clung to his body, his hair was sopping with perspiration, and his skin was a sickly gray. He was barely conscious. Adam felt his heart thud against his ribs.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Pneumonia,” Brad answered, flushing with guilt. “Picked it up from someone on the plane.”

Adam went to the side of the bed, crouching down in front of Tommy. There was a bucket next to his knees and Adam winced. It looked like Tommy hadn’t been able to make it to the bathroom in a while. Adam bent his head and tried to look in Tommy’s eyes. The boy opened them once, meekly, before shutting them again and clutching his stomach.

“Brad, his fever alone could kill him. Why didn’t you get someone?”

Adam heard a whimper and turned. Brad sat in the corner, shaking his head slowly. “I couldn’t.”

Adam turned away from Brad and put his arms around Tommy’s waist gently. “Never mind that now. He needs Healing, and fast.”

“I can’t.”

Adam let go of Tommy and turned toward Brad again. “Brad, your ward is deathly ill. If his fever doesn’t come down—”

“I know, Adam! Don’t you think I know that?” Brad cried, tears gleaming in his eyes.

“Then why won’t you Heal him?”

“I can’t!”

“What the Hell kind of Watcher are you? He’s going to die!”

“He won’t die. I promise.”

Adam stalked over to Brad, his wings unfolding threateningly as he went, and he grabbed hold of Brad’s shoulders, shaking him violently. “What’s going on?” he snarled.

Brad whimpered. “I can’t Heal him. It’s part of the plan.”

“Part of the plan?” Adam all but yelled. “Whose? Elohim’s?”

Brad gave a feeble nod.

“Why?”

“His heart is supposed to be weak. For…for when Michael comes to collect him. Or when you do, if you win.”

Cold realization seeped through Adam’s human body. “That’s how he’s going to go? A weak heart? And what, you’re supposed to just stand by and watch him nearly die so that how ever many years later, whatever arbitrary time Elohim selected in His great, infinite wisdom, his heart will finally give out?”

Brad nodded again.

“Fuck you.” Adam turned and took Tommy in his arms again.

“You know I can’t do anything about this!”

“Yes, you can!” Adam lifted Tommy, holding his limp body close. “You can do what I did thousands of years ago and stop obeying His every command. You don’t have to watch people you love suffer. You can choose not to.”

“Where are you going? What are you doing?” Brad asked, following his charge in Adam’s arms.

“I’m going to Heal him.”

Brad gasped. “Adam, you can’t. The plan…”

“I don’t have to follow His fucking plan, Uriel. Lucifer freed me of that.” Adam felt Brad’s hands grab his arm. He shrugged them off easily and turned toward Brad with fury, Tommy hanging practically lifeless from his arms. “You want him to suffer? Do you want his heart to give out on him a few years down the road because of this?”

Brad couldn’t answer. Adam knew he couldn’t. No matter what he wanted, saying out loud that he didn’t agree with Elohim’s plan would earn Brad a place among the Fallen.

Adam felt pity for him, then, because he knew what it was like to feel so devoted to Elohim. “Look, I’m going to Heal him. If you try to stop me, I’ll hurt you. I’ll bring a whole army of the Fallen up here to hold you back.” Brad’s eyes lightened; he knew exactly what Adam was trying to do. “So, you really have no choice in the matter, do you? I’ve threatened you and you know that in combat a Destroyer could end a Watcher. There’s no contest. So there it is. You can’t really do anything to stop me.”

Brad nodded, his brown eyes communicating that he was thankful.

“I won’t watch someone I love nearly die when I have the power to Heal, and I know, in your heart, you wouldn’t either.”

Brad blinked and Adam turned, going into Tommy’s bathroom. He laid the boy on the floor and Tommy shivered and moaned. “Hold on tight, Glitterbaby. I’ve got you.”

Adam turned on the water and began filling the bathtub with steaming water. He looked up to Brad. “Salt?”

Brad nodded and left, returning within seconds with a canister of table salt. Adam dumped nearly the whole thing in and swirled the water around in the tub until it dissolved. Then he turned back to Tommy, who was shaking violently on the floor.

“I’ve got to get your clothes off you, Tommy. Can you sit up at all?”

As it turned out, he couldn’t. He could barely lift his head. Brad moved behind the boy, holding him up while Adam worked his shirt over his head and his sweatpants off his feet. Adam tried hard to hide the tears that formed in his eyes at seeing Tommy so frail.

“He’s awful, Brad. How long has he been like this?”

“He got really bad this past hour. If you hadn’t come by soon…”

Adam understood, and thanked Lucifer that he hadn’t been later. “I’m going to lift him into the tub.”

They worked together to lower Tommy into the tub and keep his head well above the water line. Tommy was barely conscious through the whole thing, mumbling through his fevered dreams and reacting only numbly when Adam touched his skin.

Adam worked swiftly, deftly, chanting in Hebrew at barely a whisper as his hands stroked over Tommy’s chest and abdomen. Thick, salty gray steam rose off the water, slowly at first, then faster the longer Adam worked. He could feel the sickness inside Tommy’s lungs, every speck of bacteria that gathered there, and he commanded it to leave Tommy’s body. The illness obeyed with reluctance, seeping slowly through Tommy’s skin, out his pores, to be washed away by salt water and evaporated in the steam.

“Open the window,” Adam ordered Brad. “Get rid of that bucket. Bring me some fresh clothes and put new sheets on his bed.”

Brad disappeared and once he was gone, Adam leaned forward and kissed Tommy’s forehead. It glistened with the sheen of a breaking fever. Relieved, Adam whispered a pledge not to leave his side in his ancient language. At that, Tommy’s eyes fluttered open and a faint smile overcame his lips.

“Adam.”

Adam had never been so relieved to see a pair of human eyes focusing on him. “Hey Glitterbaby. How do you feel?”

“Tired. So tired…”

Tommy shut his eyes, slipping back into illness-induced dreams. Adam let the water drain from the tub and dried Tommy with the towel he found hanging from the door. He picked Tommy up as gently as he could and carried him back out into the main room. Brad was tucking the corners of a blanket under the mattress. Adam lowered him on top of the blanket, and Tommy murmured something unintelligible and crossed his arms over his chest.

Adam turned to Brad. “He actually needs to cool off just a bit. Did you find clothes for him?”

Brad nodded and motioned to some pajamas that were neatly folded on the coffee table.

“Help me dress him?”

Brad nodded again, and as they worked to get Tommy’s limp body into clothes, the two angels only looked at each other once, turning away with embarrassment when they spied the tears in each other’s eyes.

Finally, when Tommy was clothed and tucked underneath the blanket, Brad spoke. “I’m really sorry, Adam.”

“I know. I know it hurt you to watch.” Adam tried to smile at Brad and almost managed it. “I’m sorry it hurt you.”

Brad nodded. “You know I love him. He’s my charge. He’s…he’s my whole existence.”

Adam reached out and pushed Tommy’s bangs off his forehead. He understood Brad’s words completely. “I know. I want to trust you with him.”

“You can trust me.”

“No. I know you’d never want to hurt him, Brad. But I also know it’s not really up to you.” Adam leaned down and kissed Tommy’s cheek. “If something like this happens again, I will fight you. I will hurt you if I have to.”

“If it comes to that, I hope you will.”

Brad’s brown eyes were completely serious, completely filled with remorse. Adam said nothing in response, but lay down next to Tommy and wrapped an arm around him. His lips were moving, forming words meant for his dreams, and Adam watched with silent worry. The fever was gone, but there might have already been some damage to his heart. There was no way to tell until he was fully healed.

“Adam.” Adam tore his gaze away from Tommy’s face and looked at Brad. “Did you mean what you said earlier? About loving Tommy?”

Adam looked back at the sleeping human in his arms. “I don’t know…”

“Because…” Brad started, leaning down close to watch Tommy too. “Because you did say it. And saving him just now…you acted like it, too.”

“Did I?”

Brad swallowed. “You acted like you had the night you thought Raphael hurt me. Remember? When I wouldn’t let him take my ward because Gabriel got the message mixed up and I didn’t know he was supposed to go to Heaven?”

Adam smiled, remembering. “It’s a good thing Gabriel cleared things up. Raphael’s talented, but there’s no way he would have survived my wrath, had you been hurt.”

“Yeah.” Brad took a deep breath and spoke as if his words might shatter and break apart. “And you acted that way…you know…when I told you the rains were coming.”

Adam was silent at that.

“I thought Tommy was just another soul to add to your collection. Am I wrong about that?”

Adam looked at Tommy’s face, his porcelain skin, his fragile features, the paleness and weakness of a human. Glowing underneath that, the pure, translucent soul that had become more than an obsession.

“I’ve had so many lovers, I’ve taken so many souls since I was created,” Adam said, his voice barely audible. “I don’t remember their names. Their faces blur together, as do their stories and their lives. Most of the time I don’t even remember how I acquired their souls, what their asking price was. But I never forget my children’s names. I remember each eyelash, each giggle, each kiss. I remember Danai like that. How beautiful she was when I first saw her, how she smiled differently at each of our children, how much love I felt when she told me she was carrying my child. I remember everything about her. Her smell, her voice…even the melodies she hummed while she went to collect water. And I remember you, Uriel. Everything from watching Elohim create you and sit you in front of me with a knowing smile, to how you cried out when I said those words of dissent so long ago, and Fell to Lucifer’s side. I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten anything about you.”

Adam shifted his gaze to Brad, who was looking at him as if it was he, not Elohim, who had placed the stars in the sky.

“And I don’t know what it means, but every memory I have of Tommy as a child, or a teenager…my heart keeps them filed away and I never forget. Just like you. Just like Danai. I can’t forget even the tiniest detail.”

“I suppose it’s been a few thousand years,” Brad said, trying in vain to smile. “You ought to be in love again.”

Adam shook his head. He didn’t want that. He couldn’t think about that, about what that meant, how stupid and dangerous it was.

“You know, I often wonder if I’d Fallen with you, after the Flood, if you would have taken me back. If maybe we’d still be together…”

Adam looked back at Tommy and knew that even if he answered yes to all the what ifs, his first look at Tommy would have ripped them apart.

Just then Tommy stirred, opening his eyes slowly, and Adam immediately cupped his face in his hands. “Tommy.”

“Adam.” Tommy squinted into the light, then into Adam’s face. “What happened?”

“You had a really high fever. I came by to see you and you were unconscious. Are you okay? How do you feel?”

“I’m so tired…”

Adam nodded. “Do you want anything? More blankets? Water? Something to eat?”

Tommy shook his head weakly. “Have you been here all night?”

Adam glanced at the digital clock sitting in Tommy’s windowsill. “I guess so. You were pretty bad. If your fever hadn’t broken I would have taken you to the emergency room. You should have called me.”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I was fine. It was just…suddenly I could hardly stand.” Tommy closed his eyes, his head lolling onto Adam’s shoulder. “I’m so tired…”

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Tommy folded himself into Adam’s arms and clung to him as if he knew Adam could make him better. “I dreamed that you kissed me.”

Adam smiled, his lips against Tommy’s hair.

“Was it everything you’d hoped it’d be?”

“Better,” Tommy said with a tired chuckle. “You had wings. Like an angel.”

Before Adam could question him further, Tommy was asleep again. Adam glanced around the room. Brad had moved to the corner, his wings wrapped around his knees as he watched his old lover and his ward.

“Will I take too much of his energy if I stay here with him?”

“He’ll heal faster with you here, either way,” Brad replied. “You steady him.” Brad was silent for a full minute before asking, “You really remember everything about me?”

“Everything.”

Brad smiled and hugged himself tighter with his wings, and with Brad keeping watch, Adam let himself follow Tommy into dreamland.

~~~//~~~

 

“Can you stand?”

“I’m not that sick.”

“Yes, you are. Or you were.”

Adam and Tommy locked eyes defiantly, at a stalemate. Tommy sat on the side of his futon, looking at the walk from there to the bathroom as if it were a trek up Everest. “I can do this.”

Tommy tried to stand and almost made it completely upright before his knees buckled and he collapsed back onto the hard mattress. Adam leaned over him, a victorious smile on his face. “Told you.”

“You don’t have to be so happy about it…”

“You were really sick, Tommy. In fact, we should probably get you to a doctor so he can check you out, maybe put you on antibiotics, or—”

“I’m not going to a doctor. I’m fine.”

“You know, I’ve seen you soaked in your own vomit, you don’t have to be all macho for me.”

Tommy growled in frustration. “Can we not talk about that, please? I thought we both agreed we’d never bring that up?”

Adam bent his head and kissed Tommy’s temple. “Sorry, Glitterbaby.”

“I just want a shower,” Tommy mumbled, relenting a bit. “I feel sticky. Like I went swimming in the ocean and didn’t shower off.”

“That’s almost exactly what you did,” Adam said, kissing down from Tommy’s temple to his jaw. “I used hot salt water. Old trick my mom taught me.”

Tommy murmured his thanks to Adam’s mother and tilted his head back so that Adam could lick at his neck. “I’m sure I taste wonderful, then.”

“Salty Tommy is my favorite Tommy.” Tommy laughed. Adam noticed his voice was still weak. He drew back, staring into Tommy’s eyes. “Let me help you into the shower. You can just sit under the water and rinse off.”

Tommy closed his eyes, embarrassed. “Yeah, cause that’s not humiliating. You’ve already had to bathe me once this week. God, I can’t believe you saw me naked…”

“Naked Tommy is my favorite.”

“I thought Salty Tommy was your favorite.”

“No,” Adam leaned down once more, kissing Tommy just left of his lips. “Salty Tommy is my favorite Tommy flavor. Naked Tommy is my favorite Tommy look.”

“Even sick Naked Tommy?”

“Even then,” Adam laughed but sobered quickly. “But I have to admit, I was a little too scared you were going to die to check you out. Much.”

Tommy smiled at that, but his eyes searched Adam’s. “I was that bad?”

“I really thought for a minute I would lose you.”

Tommy reached up, with a considerable amount of effort, and ran a hand through Adam’s hair. “Maybe that’s why I thought you were an angel. Maybe I was that close.”

Exactly.

“Yeah. Maybe. That’s a frightening thought. Let’s not think about it.”

Tommy nodded, then he grinned, a little of his pre-pneumonia playfulness revealing itself. “So when do I get to figure out what flavor of Adam is my favorite?”

Adam laughed, and despite Tommy’s protests, he lifted him easily from the futon and carried him toward the bathroom. “Honey, when you’re well, you can try all thirty-one flavors.”


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing Adam did when he got home, after seeing Tommy to his overstuffed leather couch and turning on the TV to the Discovery Channel for him, was call Lane. Rehearsal just wasn’t going to happen today. She, of course, had a fit.

“You brought him home?”

“His apartment’s so small. I can take better care of him here.”

Adam heard her sigh on the other end of the line. “Why are you taking care of him at all? We can get someone to fill in for him, but if you get sick we’re screwed.”

Adam grinned, knowing if Lane could see it she’d smack him. Or at least she’d want to. “I won’t get sick. I promise.”

Angels never do.

She sighed again and ended the call without a goodbye.

Next, he showered and went up to the roof of his condo. The sun was beginning to dip down into the western horizon, and Adam lay down on the warm cement, fairly certain he wouldn’t be seen. Closing his eyes, he willed his body to change. Slowly, human flesh gave over to something brighter, something much more powerful. Strong black wings stretched over the rough surface, glistening ebony and gold in the fading sun. Thick muscles and tendons replaced smaller, weaker ones, and his body stretched to its full length.

In his divine form for the first time in days, Adam felt like he could finally rest. He did not sleep, too afraid that Tommy would need him to give in to the exhaustion he felt. Instead he gave himself this: a few minutes with his wings spanned wide, warmed by the setting sun.

Feeling almost blissful, he went back downstairs and ordered food before settling into an armchair across from Tommy, and stared at a program on the Discovery Channel about birds-of-paradise, not really watching. Instead, he got lost in thought about how, exactly, he was going to spread Tommy out on his giant bed upstairs and make him his forever.

“They have pretty wings.”

Adam jumped. He looked over at Tommy, who blinked sleepily, his gaze focused on the TV. “What?”

“The birds. They have pretty wings.”

Adam couldn’t help himself. He was too curious. “Like mine?”

Tommy grinned, catching on. “No. Yours weren’t that pretty.”

“So I was an ugly angel?”

“That’s not what I meant, either.” Tommy flushed a bit, which Adam was thankful to see some color in his face. “Yours were black in my dream. Almost leathery. Not like a bird’s or like those stupid paintings you always see of angels with these big, fluffy white wings. Yours were more like a bat’s or a dragon’s or something.”

“Maybe I’m not an angel at all. Maybe I’m a vampire.”

“If you were a vampire, you probably would have laughed at Nosferatu instead of screaming like a girl.”

“I did not scream like a girl.”

“Yeah,” Tommy said, rolling his eyes, “you did.”

Adam got up and crossed to the couch and Tommy made room for him. They held each other tight underneath the blanket. Adam thought about Jareth, how he’d held his son like this on colder nights, when the boy was frightened of the wind.

“You’d make a pretty angel,” Adam said quietly. Then he giggled. “Or a vampire.”

“I think I’d much rather be a vampire.”

“Why?”

Adam felt Tommy’s shoulders shrug against him. “Vampires can do whatever the hell they want to do.”

“And angels can’t?”

“Not according to the story you told the other day. I mean, I suppose they can do whatever they want, but God gets kind of angry and smites them or whatever.” Tommy snorted, and twisted his little body around so that he could rest his head against Adam’s chest. “That story really creeped me out.”

“Why?” Adam asked, stroking Tommy’s back.

“I don’t know. It was so real the way you told it.” Tommy drew back, looking into Adam’s eyes. Adam felt his stomach flutter. “I mean, most people probably would have told it like the angels were the bad guys, but you kind of told it like God was.”

Adam felt his mouth go dry. “Well, I guess I just feel sorry for the children.”

“Me too. I looked some stuff up on that story before I got sick. About the Nephilim and stuff.”

Adam tried to smile casually. “And what did you learn?”

“Nothing you didn’t tell in your story, really.” Tommy bit his lip. “Just what the angels taught the Nephilim specifically. Hey, didn’t you say that it was the fathers of the Nephilim that taught them the secrets God didn’t want them to know?”

“Yeah,” Adam said, nodding. “Why?”

“Well, it’s just…” Tommy bit his lip again and then started to laugh. “Wow, sorry. Nevermind. I’m probably boring you out of your mind. But this stuff fascinates me. That’s probably why I dreamed about you with wings. I’ve been kind of obsessed with it since you told the story.”

“Glad I could capture your imagination.” Adam wiggled his eyebrows and Tommy laughed again. “So why did you ask me about the fathers?”

Tommy stilled, and Adam could see his soul take on the dimmer colors of sadness. “I didn’t know a few of the names you said, the names of the angels that helped bring the Flood. Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael…I think everyone’s heard of them. But I’d never heard of Uriel or Azazel, so I looked them up.”

The human heart in Adam’s chest sped up. He willed it to be silent. “And?”

“Uriel was the angel who instructed Noah on how to build the ark and the one who checked for blood on the doors during the plague in Egypt. He’s the angel of salvation and repentance and apparently, he’s supposed to rule with the other important angels at the end of time,” Tommy said, looking sheepish at his knowledge.

Adam nodded, knowing all there was to know of Brad. He could see why Uriel would have been mistaken for some kind of symbol of repentance to humans; throughout history, he’d been the angel that led the people out of danger, or toward it, depending on their fate. And they’d worked together that night in Egypt, Brad giving him permission to enter any house without the mark of God above it to harvest the souls within. One day, he would take his rightful place as archangel and help bring an end to the world.

“And Azazel?” Adam finally asked, his voice full of apprehension.

“Well, that’s what was so weird,” Tommy said, his eyebrows scrunching together. “God asked Azazel to help with the Flood, but Azazel is listed as one of the Fallen, one of the angels that had children with humans. He was the one who taught the humans and Nephilim about war and weaponry. So…wasn’t God asking him to kill his own children? Is that right?”

Adam felt the blood in his veins grow cold. “You’re right about most of that, from what I can remember. Azazel taught them the art of battle so that his children could defend themselves. And God did ask him to help with the Flood, that’s correct too. But angels don’t fall because they have sex with humans…or even because they fall in love with them, like the word might imply. They fall for disobeying God. So, you’re right about them not really being able to do whatever they want, I guess.”

“So Azazel fell for teaching his children how to fight?” Tommy asked, incredulous. “That’s dumb.”

Adam chuckled sadly. “No, Azazel fell after that. Whatever source you have is wrong. Azazel didn’t fall until the Flood. When he refused to help bring the rain and tried to save his children.”

Adam turned his head into the cushion of the couch, hiding his face as Tommy’s eyes studied him closely.

“You haven’t forgotten much from Hebrew school, have you?”

“I guess that story kind of stuck with me too,” Adam mumbled into the couch. “No wonder you hallucinated that I was an angel.”

“I don’t think it was a hallucination.”

Adam jerked his head up. “Of course it was.”

Tommy shook his head. “I don’t know. I was really close to dying, wasn’t I? What if I really got a glimpse into another world for a while?”

“No. Your fever was so high, your brain was probably showing you all kinds of weird stuff.”

“But it wasn’t just your wings, Adam. You were talking to someone else. I swear you called him Uriel. And then you spoke in a language I didn’t understand.”

Adam sat up, planting his feet firmly on the floor. “Whatever you saw, Tommy, was the result of dehydration and fever and exhaustion. Like you said, you were intrigued by the story, you got sick, and your mind twisted those thoughts into a weird dream. Whatever you saw wasn’t real. At least that’s what I’m going to chose to believe because I can’t even deal with the thought of you being close enough to death to see into the other side. So can we stop talking about it?”

Tommy shrank a little at the harshness of Adam’s tone. “Sure. Sorry.”

Adam sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I know it must have been scary for you but it was fucking horrifying for me to watch you like that.”

Tommy studied Adam again thoughtfully. “You really like me, don’t you, baby boy?”

“Nah. Just your ass and those talented, nimble, thin, beautiful fingers…”

Tommy grinned. “You like my fingers, huh?”

Adam briefly imagined those fingers wrapped around him and hummed. “Yeah. I do.”

“Well, I’m going to sleep again because I’m still exhausted. But if you’re here when I wake up,” Tommy paused to run a calloused finger up Adam’s arm, making him shiver, “I’ll put my fingers to good use. But you have to be here. And you have to kiss me.”

“You sure you can handle it?” Adam teased.

“I don’t know, but if we don’t try it, I might actually die. And we both know you don’t want that. Cause of my ass and fingers and all, not cause you like me.”

Tommy smirked, and it was one of the sexier things Adam had seen in his few thousand years on earth. “I’ll be here, then, and I’ll kiss you.”

“Like you’ve promised?”

Adam smiled. “Like, the war has ended, bend you over backwards in the middle of Times Square kind of kissing.”

“Deal,” Tommy said, shutting his eyes with a sigh. He was asleep quickly, and Brad appeared by his side.

“Don’t let him wake up until I return?” Adam asked.

“Where are you going?” Brad asked, his voice almost completely devoid of emotion.

“I have some Hard Rock thing I’ve gotta go to.” Adam stood and began to collect the things he would need: wallet, car keys, eyeliner. “Shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours.”

“Will you… I mean, when you get back and he’s awake, will you…?”

“I don’t know,” Adam answered, and Brad turned away, hiding his eyes. Something twisted painfully inside of Adam’s chest, knowing that his next words could cut Brad deeply. “I’ll move slowly with him as I would any human. But still… you might want to find something else to do for a couple of hours…”

Brad nodded slowly but didn’t look up, and Adam slipped quietly out the door.

 

~~~//~~~

Adam had watched Tommy for nearly all of his twenty-nine years. He’d seen Tommy’s first kiss, with a redheaded girl in the stairwell of his junior high. He’d also seen Tommy’s first kiss with a boy, nearly five years later, with a friend named Justin, both of them claiming curiosity but nothing more. But in the span of another year, after a few fumbled attempts and then finally learning their way around each other’s bodies, they couldn’t blame simple curiosity anymore.

Adam had watched that too, painful as it was. And he’d been there months later, when the bastard had broken Tommy’s heart. That had been even more painful. Since then, he’d watched a parade of lovers come and go through Tommy’s life. It was pathetic, Adam knew, and coupled with the new knowledge that Brad had been there, watching him watching Tommy, it was downright humiliating.

That said, all his watching gave Adam a distinct advantage: he knew all of Tommy’s weaknesses, his favorite spots to be touched and kissed, his kinks, his needs. That was why, when Adam laid a sleeping Tommy down on his big bed, he went straight for the skin underneath his jaw line, kissing and licking up to his ear and back down again while Tommy squirmed and mumbled in his sleep.

“You can’t use your powers, Adam, or the deal is off.”

Adam looked up at Brad, who stood next to the bed looking pained. Adam nodded. “Can I touch his soul, though?”

Brad hesitated before answering. “Yes. Touch it, but leave it intact.”

“It will be even more beautiful when I’m done with it.”

Brad nodded and disappeared into a ball of light, and Adam lowered his head and began to kiss Tommy once more. His skin tasted like pure human – salt and sweat and musk and a hint of soap.

“Adam…”

Adam drew back and smiled down at Tommy as he slowly opened his eyes. “Hey, Glitterbaby. How do you feel?”

“Very strong. Very healthy.”

“You’re lying.” Adam heard Tommy’s heart beat within his chest. It was still sluggish, still weak.

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to stop kissing me. So just believe what I say, okay?”

“I believe every word,” Adam mumbled against Tommy’s neck and resumed his kissing. Tommy inhaled sharply when Adam flicked his tongue out and dipped it into the valley his collarbone created. That was a spot Tommy had discovered when he was seventeen, with a boy who’d liked to nibble.

“Don’t make me wait any longer,” Tommy whispered, and Adam looked down at him. He’s was smiling lazily. “And make it worth the wait while you’re at it.”

Adam bent his head and captured Tommy’s lips with his, claiming them not with force, but with intent. His mouth slid slowly over Tommy’s, gently tracing Tommy’s lips with his tongue, wet and delicious. Tommy opened his mouth and let him in, rubbing the tips of their tongues together, unhurried, and Tommy whimpered and his body relaxed underneath Adam’s.

“Jesus God,” Tommy breathed when they broke the kiss. “If you’d just kissed me like that at the AMAs I would never have been pissed at you. I would have fallen for you right there on that stage like some sort of cheesy movie.”

“Are you saying it was worth the wait?”

Tommy closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m saying you shouldn’t stop.”

Adam’s lips closed over Tommy’s once more, and this time he was more demanding, opening Tommy’s mouth right away and pressing him hard into the mattress. Tommy arched underneath him in response and let his hands slide up Adam’s neck until he was holding fistfuls of Adam’s black hair. He pulled Adam down further into him, tongues scraping against teeth, teeth catching lips, causing just enough pain to be mistaken for pleasure.

“Fuck, you are good at this,” Tommy said as Adam dipped his head and bit into Tommy’s shoulder lightly.

“I can make it better.”

Tommy pressed on Adam’s chest, too weakly to actually move him but enough that Adam got the message and he pulled back to look at the human. “How?” Tommy asked, his voice one part curiosity, two parts awe.

Adam reached down between them to gather the hem of Tommy’s shirt in his hands, and he pulled it up and over Tommy’s head easily.

“Yeah, naked would make it better,” Tommy said with a tired laugh.

Then Adam’s hand was between them again, untying the drawstrings on Tommy’s pajamas, but not before he rubbed his palm hard over Tommy’s burgeoning erection. Tommy sucked in a breath and pressed himself up against Adam’s hand. “That would make it better too.”

But Adam had other plans. Less physical ones. He removed his own clothing and settled his naked body on top of Tommy’s cautiously. He was so small and still so sick, after all. Tommy groaned at the slight friction and rolled his hips against Adam’s.

“Want me to kiss you again?”

Tommy stared at Adam, meaning his glare to be harsh, but it was tempered by the wanting in his eyes. “God, Adam, please…”

“Okay,” Adam agreed. “Just relax, Glitterbaby. Let me kiss you, okay? Just follow me.”

If Adam’s words sounded strange, Tommy gave no indication. He merely nodded while looking longingly at Adam’s lips, and Adam kissed him again. Sparks raced through Adam’s body, all along his spine and up into his head, so wonderfully out of control and so amazing at the same time. This was the crux of being human; this is why Adam surrendered himself to a physical body as much as he could. The senses were such a beautiful thing.

Tommy stretched underneath him, his muscles flexing as he tried to spread more of himself against Adam. Adam tore his mouth from Tommy’s to whisper in his ear, “Shh. Just relax. Give to me, Tommy. Just give to me.”

Adam kissed him again, deeply, and ground his hips down against Tommy’s. Their cocks slid against each other, hard and hot, and Tommy cried out into Adam’s mouth. His arms tightened around Adam and squeezed.

“Tommy, listen to me,” Adam whispered again. “Let go. Give to me. Can you do that?”

Tommy wriggled underneath him, seeking the friction his body craved, and Adam held him down, stilling him. Tommy looked at him pleadingly. “I don’t know. I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Look at me,” Adam commanded while Tommy fought half-heartedly at Adam’s grip on him. He stilled when he looked Adam in the eyes. Adam saw a trace of fear in his brown irises, but a whole lot more desire. “Let go. Let me have control. Give to me. Let me have you. Can I have you?”

Tommy nodded slowly, his eyes half closed.

“Say it, then. Tell me I can have you.”

“Have me, Adam,” Tommy said, almost pleading. “Take me.”

“All of you?”

“All of me.” Tommy swallowed hard, then whispered again, “Have all of me.”

That was the blessing Adam was looking for, and he pressed his forehead to Tommy’s and said, “Close you eyes and let me touch you. Think about me and what I’m doing and don’t let your mind wander. Think only of me.”

Tommy closed his eyes, biting down hard on his lip while he did so, and when he started to think of Adam, Adam felt it. There was a flash of anger before Tommy gave himself over to feelings of desire and friendship and loyalty. And as those things began to radiate heat within Tommy, so did his soul. As Adam kissed Tommy, he pressed both his hands, palms down, on Tommy’s chest, thinking only of Tommy’s soul for a second, and then he was falling forward into warmth and white-blue light and brilliant colors. Adam gathered all of it around him, held it close, ran his fingers over its edges, touched his cheek to it.

A human’s soul was like a prism. It took in the human’s experiences and emotions and filtered them as they passed through. A child’s soul reflected those emotions back ten fold, in brilliant primary and secondary colors that fanned out over the universe, but a weary, world-hardened adult’s soul could be dim, hazy, and almost completely without form. Tommy’s soul was more unique than any human Adam had known, even Danai. What Tommy’s soul reflected back was translucent and glittery, brilliant and pure, as if he took everything in and made it better before pushing it out into the world again.

Underneath him, Tommy’s physical body writhed and twisted, he breathed heavily and groaned and sighed, but the soul in Adam’s hands thread itself calmly through his fingers, spread itself against Adam’s divine spirit, and pulsed in the desire to be as close to his divinity as possible. Adam touched Tommy’s body and let his soul attach itself to him, so that he could feel the power and energy of the divine. Tommy cried out. The sound echoed in Adam’s head as he continued to stroke his hands all over Tommy’s soul, and he was only dimly aware that Tommy’s body had arched in release and there was a layer of sticky warmth between them.

Tommy’s soul, on the other hand, gave more than ever. It spread itself all over Adam and he felt Tommy’s whole life surround him. Laughter from Tommy at age four, a scraped knee at age seven, his mother’s comforting words at age twelve, holding hands with Justin at age sixteen, frustration at his stalled career at twenty-five, then seeing Adam sing at age twenty-eight. As soon as that memory overtook him, it was gone in a burst of heat and passion.

Adam fell out of Tommy’s soul and back into reality. Adam’s hand was wrapped around Tommy’s cock, pumping it slow and hard. Tommy shook and whimpered, his back rising off the mattress below him. They were a mess. Both of their chests and stomachs were covered in each other’s come and sweat.

“Adam, I don’t think I can come anymore,” Tommy breathed, half begging him to stop.

But Adam merely smiled. He heard the blood moving quickly through Tommy’s veins and knew he could. “Shh. Not done. Give to me.”

At that, Tommy nodded and looked right into Adam’s eyes and Adam saw the surrender within them. Tommy arched up and his body jerked once, twice, and he came into Adam’s hand. He fell back against the mattress with a thud and laid there until his body stopped trembling. Drawing in one shaky breath, he reached out, running a hand over the ridges of Adam’s cock. “Adam, let me now…”

But that one touch had Adam’s stomach muscles flexing and he knew his human body was done, even if he could have gone on touching Tommy’s soul for eternity. He gently took Tommy’s hand off of him. “I think I’m done too.”

Looking nearly relieved, Tommy rolled onto his side slowly to look into Adam’s eyes. He breathed, his chest rising laboriously. He seemed to be gathering the strength to speak, and finally collected enough. “You didn’t even touch me until the end. I didn’t know I could… How did you do that?”

Adam trailed a finger down Tommy’s front, enjoying making slick paths in the mess they’d made. “What did it feel like to you?”

“I don’t know, I…” Tommy closed his eyes, a faint smile forming on his lips. “I know you were just touching my chest and kissing me, but it felt like you had about a thousand hands and mouths…” Tommy stopped talking and laughed, turning bright red. “It was like my whole body was coming. Seriously, how did you do that?”

Adam gave Tommy a cocky smile. “I studied tantra.”

Tommy laughed. He sounded exhausted. “Of course.”

“And I probably seem way more impressive with you being sick and all…” Adam ran a hand up Tommy’s side. “So it was worth the wait?”

“Worth it?” Tommy laughed again, almost without humor. “I’d be willing to wait forever if you could do that again. Fuck, you barely touched me. How am I going to survive sex?”

Adam smiled at that but his mind was fixated on one word. “Forever?”

“Maybe,” Tommy said, his insolent grin returning. “But don’t get a big head about it.”

Adam laughed and curled his body around Tommy’s. “Can we sleep now, shower later?”

“Yes, please. I’m exhausted.”

“Me too.”

Tommy was out before Adam, so Adam didn’t jump when Brad wrapped his arms around his waist, his angelic face watching Tommy even as he held Adam.

“Are you okay?” Adam asked him. Brad didn’t answer right away, so Adam turned his body slightly to look at him. Brad’s eyes were glistening.

“I’m fine,” Brad lied. “I felt it a little, when you touched his soul. I remember when you could do that to me. I need that again, Adam…”

Adam let Tommy go and turned himself so that he and Brad were face to face in the bed. “I may lose this bet, and then you won’t have to wait any longer. I’ll be yours. Or Fall now and be with me.”

“But you’d still love Tommy.”

Adam nodded slowly. “Yes. I’d still love Tommy. How could I not? He’s so trusting. All I had to do was ask him to let go, and he gave me his soul to hold. That’s Tommy. He gives. He gave it to me like he knew that I cherished it and wouldn’t let any harm come to it.”

“He didn’t know that’s what you were doing. I think you’ll find that when faced with the reality of it, he wouldn’t have been so giving,” Brad said, his tone sour. Then he sighed. “I guess we’ll see. You’re running out of time, and he’s going to need to know the real terms soon before he gives anything to you permanently.”

Adam did the math in his head. He had just under six weeks left. He leaned forward and kissed Brad on the lips. “Yeah. We’ll see. I’m sorry you had to feel that, Brad.”

Brad’s smile was sad. “I’m not. It’s the closest I’ve been to making love to you in thousands of years.”

Adam smiled back. “Are you sure you won’t Fall? Lucifer would love to have your talent in Hell. He’d give you anything you wanted. Even me.”

Brad snorted. “Doubtful. He doesn’t like to share. And stop tempting me. I love you, but God’s promised me a kingdom. I’m not missing out on that. Even for tantric sex.”

Adam laughed and pulled Brad closer to him, and soon they were all asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

“Try this on,” Adam pleaded, tossing a deep crimson shirt at Tommy. They were downtown, in a little shop Adam frequented. After rehearsal, where they’d suffered through the rest of the band’s incessant teasing about their new relationship (“Pneumonia. Sure. Best excuse I’ve ever heard to stay home and fuck for two days…” Monte kept muttering), Adam had needed retail therapy. It was just as well. They were leaving in two days for New York again to tape The View and they were both in need of updating their wardrobes.

Tommy pouted. “It’s red.”

“You wear too much black.”

“That’s a pot, kettle type statement if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Try it on,” Adam said in a more commanding tone, and Tommy rolled his eyes and added it to the pile in his arms before ducking into a fitting room. A minute later he stepped out in a pair of black jeans and the crimson shirt and Adam whistled. “Perfect.”

“I don’t know. These jeans are really tight.”

Adam hummed in appreciation. “As I said, perfect.”

Tommy sighed in mock frustration and made sure Adam was still watching when he disappeared into the fitting room again. When he stepped back out, it was leather pants and a studded gray shirt. Adam eyed him.

“Keep the leather, ditch the studs.”

Tommy saluted and went back inside. This time, when he reemerged, he wore dark jeans that were just as loose as he liked and a royal blue shirt with printing all over it.

Adam raised a brow. “I don’t remember picking that out.”

“That’s because you didn’t. I did.” Tommy spread his arms out. “I like it. I know the jeans aren’t tight, but I don’t feel like I’m going to cut off circulation to my legs. And I love the back of this shirt.”

“The back?” Adam’s eyebrow rose even higher. “Turn around.”

As Tommy turned, Adam’s heart fell into his stomach. The back of the shirt had two wings etched on it in black, making Tommy himself look as though he had wings.

“What do you think? They’re smaller than the ones I saw on you, of course, but I kind of like it.”

Adam said nothing but walked forward until he could touch the shirt, and he slowly traced the right wing with his fingertips.

Tommy sighed at his touch. “Do you like it?”

There was no real answer Adam could give. Did he like seeing wings on Tommy, even if it was just a silly t-shirt? Yes. He was beautiful like this; the wings were so fitting of the nature of his soul. He looked like he was born to wear them. He looked like he was made by God’s own hands. But it also served as a painful reminder that Tommy was only human, that his life was not permanent, that his soul was a precious, fragile thing.

“Adam?” Tommy asked when Adam didn’t respond.

“You should get this,” Adam said, his voice tight.

In the end, Adam wrestled the credit card out of Tommy’s hands and bought everything for him himself. “I don’t want to be a kept man,” Tommy grumbled.

“Your boyfriend’s a rock star. Deal with it,” Adam said in return, and took Tommy’s hand in his.

They left the store and headed toward the nearest Starbucks. As they were awaiting their coffee, talking over the work that had to be done before leaving for New York, Adam felt something wrap around his leg.

“What the—”

“I’m so sorry!” A petite woman exclaimed and grabbed hold of the child who had knotted himself around Adam’s thigh. The little boy yelled in complaint as she pried him off of Adam and the woman scooped him into her arms, blushing hotly. “God, how embarrassing. He just loves you. Watched every minute of American Idol last year and when I saw you walk in the door I knew he’d go straight for you. I tried to grab him, but he’s getting so damn fast.”

Adam looked down at the little boy, who was staring at him in awe from his mother’s arms. He peered up at Adam through his strawberry blond bangs, his gray eyes wide and amazed.

“It’s ok. It just surprised me.”

“Adam Lambert!” the boy said loudly, and Adam ducked as all around the coffee shop, heads turned toward him.

“Shhh, Clayton,” his mother soothed him, but the boy leaned away from her and toward Adam with his arms outstretched.

“Clayton,” Adam repeated, and the boy practically wriggled out of his mother’s grasp to get closer to him. He glanced over at Tommy, and Tommy was smiling at the child, then at him, and Tommy nodded. Adam held his arms out. “May I?”

“I don’t think he’ll let me out of here if you don’t,” the mother said, and handed over her child. “Mind if I get a picture?”

“Not at all,” Adam said, folding the little boy into his arms. He was light, so much lighter than Adam had guessed, and he fit in Adam’s arms so easily, like he’d been held by Adam a million times before. The boy hooked his arms around Adam’s neck and stared at him with his pretty eyes.

“You sing good.”

Adam laughed. “Thank you. How old are you, Clayton?”

Clayton held up four fingers. “How old are you?”

“Twenty eight,” Adam answered and laughed. “I don’t have that many fingers.”

They posed for a picture and Adam held tight to the boy while his mother put her camera back in her bag. His tiny body was warm and soft against his, and he smelled like all children do. Clean and sweet, like the smell of Heaven still clung to their skin. Adam closed his eyes and for a moment he was back in a tent with Danai, holding Karael, his own little red-headed boy. When he opened his eyes again, Tommy was watching him with a little smirk.

“Thank you so much, Adam,” Clayton’s mother said and took her baby back. Adam tried to hide his look of disappointment when his arms were empty again. She apologized again for her child latching on to him and Adam told her not to worry about it, then she left with Clayton in her arms. Adam waved as the child looked back at him over his mother’s shoulder, and then they were gone.

“So…you want kids.”

Adam turned to Tommy, trying hard to suppress the smile on his face. “Kids are wonderful. But no, I don’t want them. Not anymore.”

“But you did? With your ex? What was his name?”

Adam cursed himself. Of course that’s what Tommy would have assumed. It’s not like he knew that Adam had had a family once, at nearly the dawn of time.

Adam answered Tommy as honestly as he could, and it wasn’t that far off. “Brad. I would have had children with Brad if we could have. And, you know, if we’d have stayed together.”

“You loved him.”

Adam hated the sadness that coated Tommy’s voice. “Yes. But things change. I still love him very much. He was a big part of my life. But I want him to be happy, and I think he wants the same for me.”

Tommy nodded. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have brought him up. I was just curious, you know? You’ve mentioned him in interviews but I’ve never heard you say a word about him.”

“Not much to say,” Adam said, and slipped his hand back into Tommy’s. “Things change. You move on. You find someone else, someone who could be even more important.”

Tommy’s brown eyes widened at the implication of that statement and Adam heard his heart flutter. The barista shoved two coffees their way and they let go of each other’s hands to balance their drinks and their purchases.

“Let’s go home. You look tired.”

Tommy didn’t protest. He was still pale, still weak. Adam studied him as they walked back out into the busy L.A. street, and vowed to spend a few nights without him soon so that Tommy could get his strength back. Soon, but maybe not tonight. All he wanted to do tonight was feel Tommy’s soul all around him again. His whole being was itching for it.

“Do you want children?” Adam finally asked when they were in his Mustang, headed down the freeway to his condo.

Tommy looked over at him and smiled. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’d be a good father. I’m too selfish.”

“Are you kidding me?” Adam asked, snorting. Adam thought of the purity of Tommy’s soul and the fierce loyalty he was showing to Adam after only a few weeks of knowing him, both personally and professionally. If Tommy had been a father of the Nephilim when the rains came, he would have given up a home in Heaven too. Adam was sure of it. He reached over and put his hand over Tommy’s. Tommy’s fingers squeezed him feebly. “You would be an amazing father.”

“Maybe someday, then,” Tommy said, flushing a bit as he looked at Adam.

“Yeah, maybe someday,” Adam agreed, though he was lying. Even for Tommy, he would never, ever have children again. It was too painful when they were gone.

~~~//~~~

Light rain fell over New York City as the plane touched down. Adam, of course, had immediate appointments – a smattering of interviews and photoshoots and meetings. So he kissed Tommy goodbye sweetly by the door of their hotel room, telling him he’d see him at rehearsal that night.

Being apart from him would be a good thing, Adam knew. He hadn’t quite had the willpower to stay away from him for the last few nights, and all the things that demanded his time today were great excuses to leave Tommy alone and let him get his strength back. Plus, Adam was getting way too accustomed to being able to touch Tommy’s soul whenever he felt like it. The kid was easy, for lack of a better term. It seemed he was just as addicted to Adam as Adam was to him. The past few nights they’d laid in bed kissing, Adam caressing Tommy’s soul until their human bodies were too spent to bear it any longer and they’d fallen asleep, exhausted.

“We haven’t even had sex yet,” Tommy had complained last night.

“We haven’t needed to,” Adam had replied with a smirk.

At that, Tommy had flushed deeply. “It’s like I’m fucking fifteen years old. It’s embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Adam had kissed him deeply, and Tommy almost immediately opened himself up to Adam. Adam had pulled back with a laugh. “I know I’m irresistible.”

“Bastard.”

Now it was time for rehearsal and Adam and his band stood on The View’s little stage, doing a sound check before they rehearsed. As the crew struggled to find the right setup for LP’s drums, Adam sat with his back up against a speaker and sipped water.

“He looks healthier,” Adam heard Brad whisper. Adam couldn’t see him but he felt him close by. Very close.

“He does,” Adam whispered back. He looked over at Tommy, who was fiddling with the tuning knobs on his bass. His cheeks had a good, rosy tint to them and his body was full of energy. “But I’m not sure my Healing helped much. I hear some irregularities in his heartbeat.”

“Me too,” Brad said, his voice sad. “I hate to say it, but even if you’d been there in time, God would have found another way.”

“I know,” Adam admitted, still looking at Tommy. No matter what the plan was, Adam was sure he’d fight it as much as he could. Tommy deserved to live a long, healthy life.

“He opens himself up to you now without even a verbal acknowledgment. He craves being close like that. Of course he thinks it’s all sexual. He has no idea that you’re letting him feel the divine when you touch his soul.” There was vague disapproval in Brad’s voice.

“I’ll teach him that it doesn’t have to be sexual soon,” Adam conceded. “It’s just the easiest way.”

“I know.”

Adam felt Brad’s presence fade and then suddenly Tommy was beside him, his back up against the same speaker. “They’re going to move the drum set. Apparently there’s too much echo or some shit. I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention.”

Adam chuckled and reached out, laying a hand on Tommy’s thigh. He heard Tommy’s pulse jump and felt it through his hand. “Come closer,” he commanded gently.

“Here?” Tommy asked.

“Sure. The band knows we’re together, and I don’t think anyone here is going to care.” Adam thought about it. “Well, maybe Hasselbeck, but who gives a fuck?”

So Tommy curled himself up against Adam and they enjoyed each other’s warmth in the chilly studio. Adam watched LP move his drums alone as Monte picked at his fingernails. Even when LP shot them all an irritated look, no one got up to help him. Adam felt Tommy sigh, and then his soul seemed to brighten and pulse. Tommy was opening up to him again without Adam even asking. He wasn’t sure Tommy even was aware he was doing it; it was just the need to be as close to him as possible.

Adam thought about what Brad had said to him and leaned close to Tommy’s ear. “You know, we don’t really have to have sex.”

“Uh, yeah. We do.” Tommy made a face.

Adam laughed low in his chest. “No. I just mean that we don’t have to have sex to have that…that connection, I guess, that we’ve had.”

“The tantra?”

Adam hoped to Hell that Tommy didn’t do any research on that like he did the angels. “Yeah, the tantra. I mean, if you just want to be close, we can do that and forget all the physical stuff. Don’t get me wrong. Sex would be awesome. I’m just saying, they don’t necessarily have to go hand in hand.”

Tommy gave him a wry look. “Okay. That’s fine, we can try that. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get me naked as soon as we’re alone later.”

Adam laughed at that, drawing Monte’s attention to them across the studio. Adam made a little motion for him to turn around. Monte promptly flipped him off, but went back to picking his fingernails anyway. “So think of me, just like you have been…and think about how much you want me inside you.”

“Adam…”

“Figuratively, I mean,” Adam said, feeling himself blush. “Let me in, just like we’ve already done.”

It didn’t take long, as Tommy was practically wide open to him already. The soul within Tommy’s body stirred excitedly in anticipation. Adam knew that he was still in human form, sitting in some studio that was far too cold, but he couldn’t see it anymore. He was surrounded by gorgeous light, bursting around him like glowing pearls. Here, in this place, all the divinity within him was in a state of pure bliss. In this place, Tommy’s soul gave to him and grew stronger with each caress from Adam’s spirit.

“It’s okay, touch back.” Adam was aware that even though his human mouth spoke the words, only Tommy’s soul could hear. Then, cautiously, the beautiful pliant thing that was surrounding Adam swelled and drew closer, making contact with its whole being.

A moan rose up from Tommy’s lips and it echoed around his soul, and then everything went quiet. They breathed in and out, warmth ebbed and flowed, and Adam was lost completely in Tommy’s existence and Tommy in his. Adam let the beauty and wonder of Tommy fill him, knowing that Tommy was taking some of him as well, basking in his power as a Son of God.

“Adam. We’re ready now.”

The peace between them dissolved at Monte’s voice, and Adam squinted into the bright lights of the stage area. Monte looked at him questioningly and Tommy’s head was on his shoulder, heavy and unmoving. Adam raked a hand through Tommy’s long hair. “Hey Glitterbaby. It’s time to play.”

Tommy hummed and lifted his head with a lot of effort. When his gaze met Adam’s, sweet but unfocused, he smiled dreamily. “You’re magical, aren’t you? You can probably change water into wine or fly or defeat Voldemort or something, can’t you?”

“I don’t know that I could defeat Voldemort,” Adam said, not at all untruthfully. “But water into wine is easy.”

Tommy chuckled, his voice warm and filled with satisfaction. The connection between them may have broken, but the feeling they’d had lingered on. “What did you do to me? I’ve never felt this relaxed.”

Adam snorted. “You need to get a massage. That was nothing compared to what a talented masseuse could do. And it was just a little meditation. I have some New Age mumbo jumbo books you could borrow if you want to learn yourself.”

“But why did I feel like you were inside my head if it was just meditation?”

Adam ignored the thump of his heart against his ribcage and smiled as casually as he could. “I asked you to think about me, right? Simple as that.”

Tommy’s eyes narrowed at him and he scrutinized Adam thoroughly.

Adam sighed and he leaned forward, pressing a sweet kiss to Tommy’s lips. “I’m not Harry Potter. I promise. And seriously, it’s a little sad that relaxation is so foreign to you. Am I overworking you?”

Tommy opened his mouth to retort something that was guaranteed to be a smart assed, innuendo-filled comment when Monte yelled again.

“Guys. Seriously. Save it for the hotel room.”

Rehearsal went smoothly after that. With Tommy still feeling the effects of Adam’s ‘meditation’, it was so easy now for him to predict Adam’s next move. If Adam pushed the tempo, Tommy’s fingers picked up the pace on his strings; if Adam crossed left, Tommy crossed right, meeting in the middle for their trademark lean. With Tommy’s bass line driving the music, the whole band followed Adam easily, and they finished the rehearsal feeling confident in the next day’s performance.

“You look tired,” Adam commented to Tommy as he opened the door to their hotel room.

Tommy shook his hair away from his face and shrugged. “It was a long day.”

Adam flipped on a bedside lamp and watched as Tommy kicked off his shoes and spread out on top of the comforter. “You should go to the doctor. The pneumonia may be lingering.”

“I’m fine, Adam.”

“It would make me feel better.”

Tommy flicked his eyes up at Adam’s specifically so that Adam could see them rolling. “Fine. I’ll go once we’re back in L.A. I think you’re just trying to get out of having sex with me, though.”

Adam laughed loudly at that as he lay down beside Tommy and wrapped an arm around him. “No. Just trying to give you an out if you’re that tired.”

Tommy met his gaze with a fierce look that quickly faded into surrender. “I am tired. I felt better all day and now suddenly I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m such a pussy. I do want to have sex with you, though. Don’t take this personally or anything.”

“You bitch at me practically all day because we haven’t had sex yet and now you’re all ‘oh I’m so tired, Adam. I couldn’t handle a thorough fucking now because it’s been such a long day.’” Adam’s impression of Tommy earned him a glare like daggers. “Yeah, mixed signals, Ratliff.”

“Shut up.” Tommy curled his fingers into Adam’s hair. “You know I want you.”

Adam pulled Tommy closer to him and breathed him in. “Yeah, I know.”

“So what do we do instead?”

“Talk maybe?” Adam suggested. “Get to know each other better?”

“Okay, although I feel like I know you already.” Tommy breathed slowly in and out.

Adam heard Tommy’s heart trip over itself. There was far more damage than he’d thought. Maybe too much damage. He wiped the thought from his head and smiled wide at the man in his arms. “You don’t know any of my deepest, darkest secrets yet.”

“Shit. That could take all night.”

“All night? Tommy Joe, it could take _years_.”


	9. Chapter 9

They’d been back in L.A. for a few days when Tommy’s sickness reared its ugly head again. Adam had spent the days before then away from Tommy as much as he could bear (and as much as Tommy could bear, for that matter), but it didn’t seem to help. Tommy still acted weak; Tommy was still getting very tired with just normal activity.

The band was rehearsing – the only chance they’d get for a week, as Adam was scheduled for events and interviews for most of the next six days – and during the middle of If I Had You, Adam heard Brad’s voice in his ear.

“Pay attention.”

Adam almost stopped singing to shoot back a snarky comment when it dawned on him that Brad wasn’t talking about the music. Adam turned to look at Tommy. The bassist was covered with sticky sweat. His dark eyes were cloudy. He swayed back and forth uneasily on his feet. Just as Adam was moving to him, Tommy’s legs gave out on him and he crumpled to the floor, his bass letting out an awful wail in the process.

Monte had dialed 911 before Adam could even order it, and LP flew out from behind his drum set to Tommy’s side, where Adam was crouched over him, Tommy’s head in his hands. “Tommy. Tommy! Baby, can you hear me?”

LP was shouting to Lane, Monte was telling the 911 operator where they were, but all Adam could hear was the slow, stuttering beating of Tommy’s heart.

“Brad, tell me he’s not going to die.”

“He’s not going to die,” Brad’s voice answered.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

Adam took note of the worry in Brad’s voice but his attention went completely to Tommy. “Glitterbaby. Open your eyes. Please.”

“The squad’s on the way,” Monte announced as he closed his phone.

Adam leaned down and whispered into Tommy’s ear, so low that only he could have heard. “Stay with me, Tommy. Think about me. Let me in again.”

He didn’t open his eyes, but his subconscious heard Adam’s words and Tommy’s soul began to stir and flash, as if signaling to Adam that it was okay. It was bright, strong, and firmly rooted to Tommy’s body still. Adam sighed with relief. Brad hadn’t been lying. Tommy wasn’t in danger of dying. Even his heart, as weak and irregular as it sounded, was still managing to pump enough blood to his brain.

“It hurts,” Tommy said suddenly, his voice strained. Adam withdrew from his soul and looked at Tommy’s face. His eyes were wide open and scared. “Adam…”

“I’m here. Paramedics are coming. Is it your chest? Does your chest hurt?”

Tommy whispered yes and then cried out, grabbing at his chest as his body arched off the floor. Adam wrapped his hands over Tommy’s and squeezed.

“God, what’s happening to him?” LP asked, frightened, and all Adam could do in answer was shake his head.

The paramedics burst into the room with medical bags and a stretcher and Adam was pushed aside so that they could check Tommy over. When it was confirmed that it was indeed Tommy’s heart causing the trouble, they lifted him to the stretcher and made their way toward the parking lot. Adam looked at Lane and his band mates and barked at them, “No one knows about this. No one. No Twitter, no texts, nothing. He is not going to deal with my insane fans right now.”

They nodded at the order and Adam took off running, climbing into the back of the ambulance with Tommy.

“Sir, you can’t be in here. You’ll have to follow behind in a car.”

Adam stared at the unfortunate paramedic who was just trying to do his job and willed him to shut the hell up. The young man sighed in resignation and closed the doors. The ambulance took off and Adam braced himself against its side.

“Adam…”

“I’m here, Glitterbaby,” Adam said, moving so that he could take Tommy’s hand in his. “Does your chest still hurt?”  
“Yeah,” Tommy choked out.

Adam looked at the paramedic questioningly and the man offered him only a sympathetic shrug in return. “All his vitals are good except for his heartbeat. They’ll have to run tests on him at the hospital, but it’s not a heart attack or anything. His blood pressure is really low.”

Adam turned back to Tommy and tried to smile. “They’ll take care of you at the hospital, okay? They’ll make the pain stop.”

The ride came to a hard stop at the emergency entrance of St. Cecilia’s. The team worked like greased lightning to get Tommy inside and he was whisked beyond double doors before Adam could ask questions.

“You’ll have to stay out here and wait, sir,” Adam was told by a nurse, and suddenly Brad was next to him.

“She’s right. Let them work. He’s not going anywhere and you’ll just be in the way.”

Defeated, Adam nodded. After getting confirmation from the nurse that they’d page him back to the desk if there was any news on Tommy, Adam rounded a corner to a deserted hallway and promptly disappeared, becoming invisible to humans, like Brad.

Adam planted his hands into Brad’s shoulders and shoved. “Did you know this would happen?”

“No, I swear,” Brad said, almost pleadingly as he stumbled backwards. “You had as much warning as I had.”

“What’s going on, then?” Adam growled.

“I don’t know, Adam!” Brad said, his voice cracking with desperation. “It must just be the damage from the fever. I don’t know!”

Adam turned away from him, frustrated. He leaned against the closest wall and slid down until he was sitting on the cold floor. He rubbed his eyes.

“He’s stable. The doctors are just going to run some tests, just to figure out what’s going on.”

Adam nodded at Brad’s small offering of comfort. “I thought he was gone, Brad. For a second there, I thought he was going to die, right in front of me. And you know what? In that second I hated myself so much for dropping my guard and letting Raphael or, fuck, Michael, slip by me. And I hated myself for being in that stupid human body and not being able to do a damn thing unless I revealed who I was to everyone.” Adam took a long, strained breath. “I have to tell him everything. And soon.”

“You do. He can’t make a choice without knowing. But…” Brad slid down next to Adam, and Adam leaned his head on Brad’s shoulder. “I’m his Watcher. Protecting him is my job. Please trust me to do it.”

“He wouldn’t be here if you did your job properly.” Adam wished instantly he could take his words back. That he could reach out and grab them and put them back in his mouth and swallow them down. The pain radiating from Brad held the hurt of thousands of years. Adam took Brad’s hand and tugged him into his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. This isn’t your fault. I’m just…not thinking rationally. I’m just–”

“Scared. Because he’s so fragile. Like everyone you’ve loved. Except for maybe me.” Brad smiled faintly. “Well, maybe me too.” Brad paused a little while longer, his eyes closing for just a second before he said, “They’re taking Tommy to a room so they can monitor his heart overnight. I’ll meet you there?”

Adam nodded and Brad disappeared, leaving him to go through the human motions of checking in at the nurses’ desk and charming Tommy’s room number out of a nurse who was a stickler for the “next of kin only” rule. Adam made his way to another wing and another floor of the hospital, as fast as humanly possible, and stepped out of an elevator into Tommy’s hallway.

Adam’s back straightened and he stood still, rooted to a spot in the middle of the hall. There was another immortal close by, and it wasn’t the faint, sugary smell of Brad, though it was just as comforting. This scent was darker. Richer. More like…

“Cassiel,” Adam breathed the name, and no sooner had he said it than the angel appeared in front of him, wings and all.

“Azazel.” Cassiel’s smirk was predatory as his eyes traveled down Adam’s body. “Not bad. You know, for a human.”

“Thanks,” Adam said. “You look well.”

It was true enough. Cassiel had sharp, patrician features and an imposing but still striking form. He had the look of all the seraphim – regal and statuesque – but he also had a dash of mischief thrown in. Of course, he paid more attention to his looks than his charges, which explained why Adam had quite a few of Cassiel’s former souls drifting about in his home in the Fourth Circle.

“I hope you’re not here to take Kris from me. It was me he chose in the end, after all.” Cassiel smiled wide and insincere. He looked like a Cheshire Cat.

It hadn’t even dawned on Adam that if Cassiel was in the hospital, Kris must be as well. Adam smiled back, just as insincere. “Of course not. You won, fair and square. But I’ve got to run. Great to see you, Cass.”

Adam passed by Cassiel and headed in the direction of Tommy’s room number.

“Oh. I see. The boy is here.” Adam turned slowly at Cassiel’s voice. His smirk had blossomed from annoying to grating. “I should go see what all the hubbub is about. And of course, see Uriel. It’s been too long.”

“Fine. Annoy Uriel all you want but I’ve got to see Tommy. And you can leave him the fuck alone.” Adam started to walk again, Cassiel following close behind, his steps lighter and brisker than Adam’s on the tile floor. “Why is Kris here anyway? Is he alright?”

“Oh, now you’re interested,” Cassiel purred. “He’s fine. Katy might be pregnant.”

“Great. I’m happy for them.” It wasn’t a lie, exactly. He wasn’t happy, really, he just wasn’t _unhappy_ either. Kris was the least of his concerns. Tommy’s heart was damaged and he was lying in a bed somewhere in this hospital, most likely still in pain. That was his concern. So Katy was knocked up. Fantastic. It was about time Kris managed to get it up with his wife again.

Adam didn’t bother reading the room numbers because Brad stood outside a closed door up ahead, waiting. When he saw Cassiel, his eyes lit up. “Cass!”

Brad threw his arms around the other Watcher and Adam felt jealousy twist his guts. He knew that Brad had found a few other lovers himself in his lifetime, and Adam frequently caught himself wondering if Cass had been one of them. Not that he had any right to be upset about it. He’d given up Brad when he’d given up the Kingdom of Heaven.

“How is he?” Adam asked, cutting through Brad and Cass’s excited greetings to each other with the sharp tone of impatience.

“Fine,” Brad answered, pulling away from Cassiel. “The doctors gave him something for the pain, which made him go to sleep as well. His heart, for the most part, seems to be beating regularly.”

“Do they know what’s wrong?”

Brad shook his head sadly. “From what I can gather in the conversations I’ve overheard, it’s like the fever damaged the nerves in his heart. His brain keeps trying to tell his heart to beat, but the message isn’t getting to his muscle properly, so it’s either not beating, or sometimes it overcompensates and it beats too much, but part of his heart isn’t working at all.”

Adam felt his body shake. “That’s not good. I’m going in.”

“There’s no one in there, so now’s the time for it,” Brad said. He rubbed Adam’s arm. “He’s okay, Adam. There’s no pain.”

Cassiel watched all of this curiously. “I’m coming in, too. I’ve got to see what all the fuss is about.”

Adam didn’t have the wits about him to be as irritated as he should have been about Cassiel’s flippant attitude. He stepped into Tommy’s room with both Brad and Cass close behind, scared at what he’d find.

Tommy was in the bed, hooked up to all sorts of wires and beeping machines, white and frail and asleep. As a Destroyer, Adam was used to seeing sick people, weak people, people who happily greeted death because they were suffering so much. He was immune to their pain, immune to the devastation that illness and death caused. But seeing Tommy like this, as if he was just another soul waiting to be collected…

Adam looked away. “Are you sure he’s okay?”

Adam felt Brad’s reassuring touch on his arm. “Yes. It’s just the drugs making him sleep.”

Cassiel crossed to the other side of the room to stand by Tommy’s bed, gaping without a trace of shame. “Good Heavens, Azazel. His soul is gorgeous.”

“It’s remarkable. Yes. And Lucifer willing, it will be mine.” Adam felt Brad flinch beside him but didn’t have the patience to feel bad about it.

“He might be worth the battle of Kingdoms. I haven’t seen such a pure soul in a hundred years.” Cass looked over at Brad. “And you’re willing to leave him unprotected?”

Brad was indignant. “The payoff will be worth the risk.”

Adam bristled, knowing it was his own freedom that Brad wanted. He looked over at Cassiel, lips pursed. “If you don’t mind, I’d like some time alone with him. You should probably make sure your ward hasn’t disappeared.”

Cassiel rolled his eyes and gave Adam an infuriating smile. “Sure. It’ll give Uriel and I some time to catch up. Enjoy your human.”

Cass led Brad out the door with him, shutting it behind them. Adam listened to the beeping machines as they made uneven, syncopated sounds that told him Tommy’s heart was sick. Adam inched closer to the bed and peered down at Tommy’s face. He couldn’t help but think how helpless Tommy looked, how childlike.

With that thought, the shock vanished and Adam lifted the sheets and crawled in next to Tommy. He pulled him close, conscious of all the wires he had connected to him. There was one on his arm, a few on his chest, and an IV in the other arm, but Adam managed to wrap himself around Tommy as much as he could. Then, carefully, Adam let himself take on his angelic form. His body grew to its strong, normal size, and his wings unfolded, only to be wrapped all the way around Tommy’s body. Adam closed his eyes, willed himself to become unseen, and disappeared. Tommy snuggled into Adam’s wings and arms, his breathing becoming deeper, and then the bleeps and blips of the machines slowed and steadied. Adam closed his eyes and relished the precious quiet, the precious soul in his arms, the precious time to stretch his wings. Then the room shifted and his eyes opened.

“Get rid of Cass?”

Brad sat in a vinyl chair close to the bed. He was in his angelic form as well, with his wings tucked behind him against the seat. “Yeah. He means well. He’s just…”

“Shortsighted?” Adam said.

Brad grinned at him. “Something like that. It’s not fitting for a Watcher to be almost completely without empathy, but the good Lord has never seen fit to make him a Messenger. How is our Tommy?”

Adam smiled a little at Brad calling him ‘our Tommy.’ “I don’t feel any pain from him. His heart is skipping beats, though.”

“Yes, and I think it will continue to. The doctors were discussing putting in a defibrillator earlier. That way, if his heart gave out, it would automatically restart it.”

“You mean, it won’t heal?” Adam looked at Brad hopefully, but he shook his head.

“The doctors seem doubtful that his heart could repair itself like that.”

Adam looked at Tommy’s face. Inside him, his spirit fluttered, longing to connect with Tommy’s human soul. Everything inside Adam’s mind converged into one simple question: “How long does he have, Uriel?”

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

Adam shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me the plan. Just tell me how long.”

Adam heard Brad take a slow breath. “Two years at most.”

Everything inside Adam crumbled and shrank. Then, what was left of it broke into bits. Adam got up from the bed cautiously, leaving Tommy undisturbed. He leaned over Brad. “No. No. Two years? Fuck you, Brad. Fuck Elohim. Why?” Then everything slid into place inside Adam’s head. “He made Tommy for me, didn’t He? To tempt me, to lure me back to His side. And you’re going along with it. Why else would a perfect soul have been created, if not to tempt a Fallen one? And if he doesn’t choose me, I only get two years with him? No. You can go to Hell.”

Brad stood, facing Adam, his chin high. “We’re just playing the same games the Fallen play with humanity every day, Adam.”

“And you went along with it. You knew I’d fall for him.”

“Of course, he was made for you and connected to me. How could you not?” Brad said, but his tone held no trace of triumph, only sadness. “We need you, Adam. And I have my own reasons, however selfish. When Elohim told me that if I helped bring you back, you’d be mine…I couldn’t say no.”

“And of course I will be yours, because a soul created for only one reason isn’t going to take well to Hell, is it? He won’t choose me, you know it.”

“He might,” Brad argued. “I would. If I were human.”

“You can now and this whole thing would be over! We could both get what we wanted.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“No, of course not,” Adam growled. “But I’m not allowed to know why. I’m not allowed to know why I’m being manipulated. But I’ve got to say, this is low, even for Elohim. I don’t think He’s ever used love as a weapon before.”

The expression on Brad’s face was pure pain. “I don’t mean to use you, Adam. I just want to be with you again. And Heaven needs you.”

“If I’m needed that badly, why doesn’t Elohim just give me Tommy?”

“Would you go back to working for Him, even if He did?” Brad asked, and Adam thought about it for a second.

“No. Never.”

“That’s what I thought,” Brad said, resigned. “Which is why it had to be this way. I’m doing this because I love you. I want to be with you again.”

“Yes, but now I love Tommy. And I’ll only get two fast years with him before he dies and spends an eternity so close to me, but so far away because I will be yours. Not his.” Adam, overwhelmed, reached for Brad and pulled him into his arms. “I love you, Uriel. You asked me if we’d be together still, if I hadn’t Fallen. And I think we would be. But Elohim did something unforgivable, and now He’s made Tommy for me, so I still can’t love you like you want. If He hadn’t sent that Flood, I wouldn’t have Fallen. We wouldn’t have been separated. Tommy wouldn’t have been created. If you’re looking for someone to blame, someone to hate, it’s not Lucifer you should look at, or me or even Danai or Tommy. You’re on the wrong side, Brad. It may be the winning side, but it’s still the wrong side.”

Brad’s wings flexed automatically at that. Adam gripped him closer.

“And two years isn’t enough. If he doesn’t choose me, I will find a way.”

Brad pulled back from Adam, his mouth open in shock, his eyes wide and terrified. “No, Adam. You know there are worse things than being banished from Heaven.”

Adam thought of the angels who had been thrown into the Abyss, the great expanse of nothing where beings were lost forever. You could defy God and Fall. Or you could battle God and your entire existence would be erased. Adam shivered. “I can’t let Him win again. I won’t let Him take Tommy.”

As if disturbed by the conversation, Tommy whimpered in his sleep. The machines bleeped spastically. Adam looked over at him, and when he looked back, Brad had disappeared.

Adam went to Tommy and climbed into the bed again, wrapping the smaller man up once more in his arms and wings. The machine’s sounds steadied themselves, and soon Adam was deep asleep as well.

He woke to harsh sunlight coming from the window and turned to find Tommy stirring as well.

“Hey, Glitterbaby. It’s so good to see your eyes open.”

Tommy blinked at him as he slowly became aware of his surroundings. “Adam. What happened? Where am I? Did I pass out?”

Adam nodded and began to explain everything he knew about Tommy’s condition. Tommy let the information settle over him with a minute of silence before he asked, “Did I almost die again?”

“No,” Adam asked, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion. “You weren’t in any danger of that, so the doctors say. Why?”

“I had another dream,” Tommy whispered, as if he was afraid someone would overhear. “You had the same black wings. But this time they were wrapped around me, like your arms are now, and you were asleep next to me, just like this. But you know what was really weird?” Tommy waited for the appropriate question from Adam before continuing. “A nurse came in to check the monitors and my blood pressure and stuff, but she didn’t see you. She didn’t even look at you, like you weren’t even there. It was so weird. I mean, if you saw an angel with huge black wings in someone’s bed, wouldn’t you say something?”

Adam did his best to laugh lightly. “They’ve got you on some _great_ painkillers. No wonder you’re seeing strange shit again.”

“Maybe,” Tommy said, though he didn’t sound convinced. He changed the subject. “Have you really been here all night?”

“Yep,” Adam said. “Black wings and all. How do you feel?”

“Kind of lightheaded. Like I’ve had a few beers, but lighter.” Tommy craned his neck, looking straight into Adam’s eyes. “I can’t believe you stayed.”

“Of course I did.”

Adam saw Tommy’s eyes mist over before the boy could turn away fast enough. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m your boyfriend. This is what boyfriends do.” Adam pulled Tommy’s body closer, feeling his heart thud against his chest. “Now we just have to get you healthy so that you can travel the world with me. So listen to what the doctors say and do it, okay? No waiting to see them any more. Get some sleep before they come around again.”

Tommy nodded and shut his eyes, keeping them closed for half a minute before opening them again and focusing on Adam. “Adam. My heart’s too weak, isn’t it? I’m going to be sick from now on, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know.”

“I do,” Tommy said, his voice barely audible. “I think I might be dying. It’s like I can feel it.”

Adam felt rage leap up like the flames of Hell inside him. He shook his head. “No. You’re not dying, Tommy. It will be okay. The doctors will fix you.”

“I hope you’re right.” Tommy closed his eyes again. “If not, hopefully the angel version of you will greet me on the other side. If I knew you were there, I wouldn’t be afraid.”

“You don’t have to be afraid now, Tommy.” Adam kissed Tommy’s temple. “Now please stop talking about this and sleep. You’re not dying. I won’t let you.”

Tommy laughed a little at that. “Okay, Baby Boy. I’ll sleep. Will you be here when I wake up?”

“I don’t want to be anywhere else. Goodnight, Glitterbaby.”

“G’night, Adam.”


	10. Chapter 10

It was odd to see Lucifer in the plain surroundings of Adam’s kitchen. Even in a human body, Lucifer looked far too powerful, far too mysterious, far too alluring.

“He’s here with you now?”

Adam nodded. Up above them, in the master bedroom, Tommy slept soundly, fueled by painkillers and Adam’s calming presence. “The doctors gave me about a thousand pages of materials to read on his condition and how to care for him. They didn’t want to let him go so early.”

“Tell me everything, Azazel. Every detail of his sickness, everything Uriel’s said to you…I need to know what they’re planning.” A smile crept into Lucifer’s lips. “Better yet, Uriel, why don’t you join us?”

Uriel appeared next to Adam, his slight human form even smaller than his angelic self. He crossed his arms. “There’s nothing to tell, Lucifer. I know nothing.”

“Except that Tommy was made for me, for this one purpose, and that in two years he’ll be taken from me as well,” Adam mumbled.

“Unless you win him.”

“Yeah, let’s take a wild guess how that will turn out.”

“Boys,” Lucifer said, raising his hand to stop their argument. “Please sit, both of you, and just tell me what’s going on without the editorializing.” He cast a cool glance toward Brad as they took their seats at Adam’s kitchen table. “And I’m just asking for facts here. I wouldn’t dare ask you to share anything your precious God has said in confidence. Don’t get your wings in a twist.”

Brad huffed and Adam smiled, finding Brad’s moodiness endearing instead of irritating. “About a week ago, Tommy was struck with pneumonia…”

Adam talked on, spinning the entire tale to his boss, and Lucifer listened patiently and without interruption. When Adam was done, Lucifer nodded several times, humming slightly.

“I wonder why Elohim is so desperate to have Azazel back,” Lucifer mused. He looked straight at Brad, goading. “Maybe there’s something wrong with Michael? We all know Michael is the only Destroyer who can match Azazel’s talents, and he certainly is enough to suit any purpose Elohim might have. So why would He need you too?”

Adam raised a brow. “Perhaps He feels Michael can no longer be trusted.”

The two Fallen angels looked to Brad and Brad shifted in his seat nervously. “Of course Michael can be trusted. He’s an archangel. He’s done some of the Lord’s best work, and he’s been rewarded far more than any other angel in Heaven.”

“Yes, but there are alternatives if he’s getting tired of doing Elohim’s dirty work.” Lucifer winked across the table at Adam then licked his lips slowly. Adam’s human body couldn’t help but tingle. So damn tempting. “I dare say, _better_ alternatives. Wouldn’t you agree, Adam?”

Adam’s grin back was satisfied, almost feline. “Much preferable to slaughtering innocents.”

“Michael wouldn’t even think of Falling,” Brad said, oblivious.

“Well then, I can’t imagine why Elohim would need another Destroyer,” Lucifer said with a smile and a shrug. “Especially one who has proven he won’t take orders.”

Adam chuckled. “Maybe He just feels bad and wants to apologize.”

“Oh yes, the repentant God. Adam, we’d best return home. It’s probably freezing and I’m not sure my staff knows how to operate without fire and brimstone.” Lucifer covered his mouth to politely hide his giggle.

Brad fumed. “Laugh all you want, Lucifer. But you’ll be without a Destroyer soon because he’ll be warming my bed.”

“The only one warming anyone’s bed will be Tommy, in Adam’s, far away from you in the Fourth Circle. Speaking of, why don’t you fly up there and check on your ward? I’m sure he could use his Watcher,” Lucifer said, smiling coolly.

Brad glared but took Lucifer’s suggestion, disappearing with a sour look on his face. Adam and Lucifer waited until they sensed his presence in the master bedroom before speaking again.

“Rest assured, Adam, whatever Elohim wants you for is a plot against me.”

Adam had guessed that much, though he didn’t know how he could be of any use. Surely Elohim wouldn’t be stupid enough to ask one of Lucifer’s loyal servants to fight for Him. “He just wants to incite you, doesn’t He? He wants to provoke you into war.”

Lucifer sighed heavily. “You and I both know the war will happen one day. And that we will lose. It wouldn’t surprise me if He was just using you to start the conflict.”

Adam thought of the scriptures, of the words of the prophets and saints that told of Lucifer’s final battle. He looked into Lucifer’s eyes. “I’d rather lose with you than win with Him. I cannot love a God who claims to be the father of all creation, and yet allows His children to suffer.”

Lucifer’s smile was warm. Loving. “It’s a shame we will not win. You and I would be great rulers.”

“Careful,” Adam warned jovially. “That kind of pride is what started this whole mess.”

Lucifer laughed. “Pride and my undying loyalty. Who would have thought?”

“I’m glad for it,” Adam said, his thoughts traveling back thousands of years. “And I will never forget how wonderful you were when you took me in and gave me a home. You were so patient, understanding… like a father should be. I’m grateful for it.”

“I don’t ask much in return. Just devotion.” Lucifer winked.

“Among some other things,” Adam said, chuckling.

“Speaking of those other things, exactly why did you ask me here today, Adam? I know you wanted to tell me the news, but you could have come to me. Why did you want me in your home?”

Adam folded his hands together on the table and stared at them. He spoke nervously, like a child asking for a toy that was too expensive. “I tried to Heal Tommy last night, and although I could get his muscles working for a while, without my help they stopped again.”

“And you want me to try.”

“Please.”

Adam looked up at Lucifer, who was watching him thoughtfully, and with concern. “You love this boy.”

Adam nodded. “Like Danai.”

Adam felt Lucifer’s hands fold over his. “It’s so cruel, what He’s doing to you. Of course I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything. We angels aren’t really meant to Heal. Our knowledge is limited.”

Adam understood that all too well. He also understood that Lucifer did nothing for free. “And in return…Lucifer, you can have anything. Anything you want.”

Adam felt Lucifer’s eyes roving over him, taking in the features that God Himself had made so beautiful.

“You’re generous, Adam, and you certainly know me well. But now that your heart is Tommy’s…” Lucifer didn’t complete his sentence. He’d come just about as close as he could to being mushy. “Perhaps, though, you might let me borrow one of your souls?”

Adam smiled. “Take your pick.”

“Drake, if you don’t mind,” Lucifer said almost immediately.

“Really?” Adam raised a brow. “I didn’t think he was your type.”

“Hmmn, skinny, pretty, and eager to please. What’s not to like?” Lucifer wiggled his brows.

Adam rolled his eyes. “He’s yours. I’ll make the call. Want him tonight?”

Lucifer nodded and rose from his chair as Adam reached for the phone. A few minutes later they were all in the master bedroom, leaning over Tommy, Brad included.

Lucifer bit his lip. “There are a few things I can try. I’ll need your cooperation.”

Adam nodded and Brad shrugged, saying, “As long as you don’t hurt him.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it. A soul like this? It would be a tragedy to damage it.”

Lucifer began to work. He took most of the afternoon, trying several methods over and over. Adam heard him use languages that hadn’t been uttered in thousands of years, names that had long been forgotten, ancient secrets that he’d only heard about in myths, but still, Tommy’s heart remained damaged and stuttering. At last, Lucifer looked up at Adam, apologetic. “I’m so sorry.”

“You tried. Thank you.” Adam could say no more. The lump in his throat prevented any other words from coming out. He bent down and kissed Tommy’s lips softly, then he looked at Tommy’s face for a long time. There was more than one battle Lucifer would lose with Elohim. Every time a plan was set in motion to determine the fate of Heaven, neither side could prevent it from happening. Lucifer’s inability to Heal Tommy was proof that there was a plan.

Lucifer’s strong arms wrapped around Adam, and Adam tried hard to keep his face blank. Lucifer had failed. That was it. Two years with Tommy, if he was lucky, and then Adam would become a servant of Heaven again. Even if he saw Tommy in Heaven, and he doubted Tommy would include him in his Heaven at all, he would be tied to Brad. Then Adam had a sudden, horrible thought.

“Brad. If he doesn’t choose me, when are you taking me back to Heaven?” Brad didn’t answer. He merely looked at Adam with sorrowful eyes before turning away. Adam felt his world collapse in on him as he answered himself. “New Year’s.”

Brad nodded. “The Lord made it clear that He wants you to return as soon as possible.” Adam hadn’t even considered that. He wouldn’t have two years with Tommy. He’d have two weeks. “I’m sorry, Adam.”

Brad tried to reach out for him but Adam pushed him away. “Don’t touch me. Just leave, Uriel. I’ll take care of Tommy for a while. Just go.”

Brad looked stung at Adam’s abrupt dismissal but obeyed, slowly fading until there was nothing left of him. When he was gone, Adam raised his eyes, meeting Lucifer’s.

“I’m sorry. I should have realized what He was up to. I should have—”

“Adam.” Adam stopped speaking and looked at his boss. “You don’t need to apologize. We’ve all been waiting for something like this. You’re not the only one who should have been more aware. I’m going to return to Hell now, unless you need more for anything else?”

Adam shook his head. All he wanted to do was spend the rest of the day by Tommy’s side.

Lucifer nodded. “I’ll leave you to it. Thank you. For Drake. And I’m sorry I couldn’t…”

“I know,” Adam said. “I’ll see you soon.”

When Lucifer was gone, Adam crawled into bed next to Tommy, took the sleeping man in his arms, and fell into a shallow, fitful sleep.

~~~//~~~

 

Now Drake was in his kitchen, leaning against the counter as if the effort to stand was too much for his slight frame to bear. Adam leaned against the fridge, arms crossed, looking at Drake with a weary expression.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

“I’m doing nothing to you,” Adam said, his tone flat. “You did this to yourself.”

Drake shook his head. “You’re sending me to his bed. How is this my fault?”

“Lucifer owns your soul as much as I do, Drake. It’s only through him that I am able to keep a soul for myself.” Adam swallowed. He wanted to feel badly for Drake, he wanted to love him enough to even pity him about this, but he couldn’t. Drake had given up his soul without so much as a few questions about Hell or eternity or expectations. “I’m sorry you didn’t read the fine print, but I assure you, it’s there. You’re his too.”

Drake shook his head futilely. “I won’t do it.”

Adam held Drake’s gaze, a stern parent lecturing their child. “Trust me. You should. The alternative is that you won’t even be allowed in my house in Hell if you disobey. Besides, Lucifer is a good lover. He reads human bodies like books.”

“I don’t care about that,” Drake hissed into Adam’s ear. “I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Yes, you did,” Adam said, his voice showing that he was losing his patience. “You wanted fame. You wanted your art to sell well. A few paparazzi pictures with me and your pieces are selling for thousands each. We held up our end of the bargain. Now it’s your turn.”

“That’s not enough!”

“That’s all you asked for.”

A little creak in the floor alerted both of them to Tommy’s presence. Drake drew away from Adam sharply, staring at the bassist in the doorway with deep contempt.

“The new toy has come to play, I see,” Drake muttered.

“Hi Drake,” was all Tommy said in return, and then looked to Adam with a questioning smile. His hair, soft and disheveled from sleep, fell into his eyes, and Adam felt his body go to mush. “Hey you.”

“Drake was just leaving,” Adam said pointedly, and Drake took the hint and made his way out of the kitchen, but not without stopping right in front of Tommy first.

“You look like hell.” Drake laughed a little to himself and glanced over his shoulder at Adam. “Didn’t take long for him to suck out your soul.”

“Drake…” Adam warned.

Drake rolled his eyes and stepped aside, muttering to Tommy as he left the kitchen, “Make sure it’s worth it, whatever you ask for.”

“What?” Tommy asked, his thin eyebrows arching at Adam, not Drake.

“Get out, Drake,” Adam said, more forceful and nasty than he meant, and Drake obeyed, laughing a strange, hollow laugh the entire way out of the house. The door slammed shut.

“Pleasant visit?” Tommy asked after a beat of silence.

Adam laughed miserably. “Something like that.”

“Going to tell me what it was all about?”

Because Adam didn’t like the little bit of unease he saw in Tommy’s eyes, he let himself toss out a few white lies. “He’s unhappy about you. But moreover he’s unhappy that reps at the label all but forced him into signing documents swearing to his secrecy. If he wanted different stipulations in the contract, he should have said so.”

“Are you afraid he’ll sell his story to the tabloids?”

“A little.”

Tommy nodded as if he could see that about Drake as well. “Well, you have to protect yourself. Do you want me to sign something too?”

“I would never force you to sign anything, Tommy,” Adam said, knowing he meant it on several different levels. “How do you feel?”

Tommy moved toward Adam and Adam took him into his arms, kissing the top of his head. “Okay. I’m not tired anymore, I guess. But I feel like my chest is swollen. It’s weird.”

The news didn’t surprise Adam. Lucifer had tried so many different methods, so many times. Tommy was bound to be a little sore. “Do you want me to call a doctor? They insisted I check in once a day anyway.”

Tommy laughed. “They didn’t trust you with me.”

“I don’t blame them.” Adam blushed. “I was kind of acting like a lunatic. I just didn’t want you to stay in that horrible place. And I hated that I couldn’t be with you.”

Tommy tilted his chin up to give Adam a single kiss on the mouth. “My boyfriend’s all protective and jealous. I kind of like it.”

“Seriously. Do you want me to call? They suggested maybe hiring a nurse, someone that could check your dosage and monitor your heart and all that. I can do that. It’s not a problem. The hospital had a whole list of nurses that we could—”

“Adam,” Tommy said, his quiet voice cutting into Adam’s. “Please don’t hire a nurse for me. You already have to look for another bassist. I won’t let you hire a nurse too.”

“I’m not hiring another bassist. You’re going to play for me, no one else.”

Tommy shook his head sadly and looked at the tiled floor. “Sure. Gigs here and there. But I can’t travel with you. I read that information they gave you, Adam. I shouldn’t be traveling. I’m really susceptible to illness and exhaustion and they don’t want me far away from their surgeons. I’ll play for you around here if that’s what you want, but I think we have to be honest with ourselves. I can’t go to Asia or Europe.”

“No,” Adam said, arguing against Tommy’s undeniable logic. “They said you needed exercise too, Tommy. That anything you could do to make the healthy parts of your heart stronger, you should do.”

Tommy smiled at Adam, grateful for his determination. “I think they meant I should take up jogging, not live the rock star life.”

Defeated and cursing Uriel and God in his head, Adam sat at his kitchen table and leaned over it, rubbing at his temples.

“While we’re on the subject,” Tommy said, propping himself up over the kitchen counter to look at Adam, “I’ve been thinking about it, and…maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if you had someone to keep you company. Not Drake, obviously. But…someone. To travel with you or…you know, whatever.”

Adam raised his head. “Are you suggesting I sleep with someone else?”

“Well…” Tommy said, pouting a little. “I guess I am. I just want you to know that it’s okay with me. If you need someone else, it’s okay with me. I’ll understand.”

Adam rose from the table, slowly, staring at Tommy in confusion. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Come on, Adam. It’s okay. I’m sick and from what I understand, I’m not going to get better. And you’re Adam Lambert. I mean, what good is being a rock star if you’re chained to a boyfriend at home that can’t stay awake long enough to let you fuck him?”

Adam opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again, fish-like. “I can’t even believe what I’m hearing. Tommy, do you really think that’s what I want? I want you. Only you.”

“Jesus Christ, Adam. Will you stop being so fucking noble?” Tommy snapped, with more volume than he’d used in weeks. “I’m trying to give you an out, here.”

“An out?” Adam asked, puzzled.

“An out,” Tommy echoed. “We just started this thing. It’s completely understandable if you want to get out now. I wouldn’t want to get to know someone, only to watch them die, either.”

All the rage and heartache Adam felt at hearing Tommy say that made a tight, thick knot in Adam’s throat. He tried to breathe around it, to swallow it down and remain calm, but in spite of his best efforts, it remained. “You are _not_ dying.”

Tommy stared at him, his face softening with pity and fatigue. “I am, Adam. I know it. I can _feel_ it. You read that information. My heart’s a ticking time bomb. It’s going to give out one day. That may be next week; it could be ten years from now. Either way, I won’t hold it against you if you want to get out before you…”

“Before I what?” Adam said, his voice high and rough. “Before I get invested? Is that what you were going to say?”

Tommy nodded once.

“God damn it, Tommy Joe. Don’t you see it’s too late for that?” Adam watched Tommy’s eyes widen. “Why do you think I’ve been taking care of you while you’re sick? Why do you think I brought you here to my house instead of letting you stay at that god awful hospital?” Adam laughed once, a miserable sound that echoed throughout his kitchen. “I’m beginning to hate every minute I have to spend without you. Do you get it now?”

Tommy’s dark eyes were shiny. Sad. Hopeful. “Adam…are you falling in love with me?”

“No,” Adam said, and Tommy’s face fell before Adam added, “I already did. So, whether you have a week or ten years, I’d like to be there for it, and I don’t need anyone else. You’re more than enough.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

Tommy stared at Adam for a full minute before letting out a long, relieved breath. “Oh thank God. I don’t think my heart could have handled it if you’d have taken me up on that. Literally and figuratively.”

“Generous of you to offer,” Adam said, a smile tugging the corners of his lips up. “You act like you really care about me or something. Maybe you’re falling for me a little too?”

Tommy shook his head. “It’s a little past tense for me too. When I woke up in that hospital and you were there with me and I wasn’t scared because of that…I just thought, ‘Well, shit. When did that happen?’”

Tommy laughed a little and sat at the table and balled his arms up for a pillow. Adam sat next to him and watched his boyfriend’s face as it slowly changed from humor to worry.

“This is too fast, isn’t it?” Tommy said, turning his head toward Adam. “Shouldn’t it happen slowly?”

“I don’t know,” Adam shrugged. “I think sometimes people just know. The characters fall in love fast in all the best love stories, don’t they? Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, Paris and Helen…”

“Yes, and those worked out really well in the end,” Tommy grumbled. At Adam’s stricken expression, Tommy relented. “Sorry. It’s just…I’ve only felt this way once before, and not anywhere near as strong. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“There’s not much you can do.” Adam spread his hand over Tommy’s on the table. “Just go with it and hope for the best.”

Tommy tugged Adam’s hand to him, using it as a pillow instead of his own arm. “And if we jump in head first, and make all these plans, and my heart gives out?”

“It doesn’t matter, Tommy. We can be together, and make plans, and expect a future. And if there isn’t one, well, all that matters is that we were willing to take the chance, right?” Adam leaned over and kissed Tommy on the lips. “But stop talking like that, please? We have time.”

Adam’s chest tightened as he said it, remembering that he had only a few weeks, that Tommy would be lucky to have a couple years. But Tommy was nodding, a little smile on his face as if he believed Adam’s every word. Adam kissed him again, this time deeper, longer.

“Are you tired now?”

“No, why?” Tommy asked.

Adam cocked a brow. “How about we go upstairs and I wear you out?”

The smile that crept over Tommy’s face was sexy. Challenging. “Excellent idea, boss.”


	11. Chapter 11

Tommy stood by Adam’s bed expectantly, and Adam made him wait a full minute while his eyes roved over Tommy’s body, planning his next moves like a chess player. Then Adam went to him, took the hem of Tommy’s shirt by both hands, and pulled it over his head. Tommy shook the hair out of his eyes and looked up at Adam, waiting. Adam smiled down at him before reaching out to trace his fingertips over Tommy’s neck, then his collarbone. His hands moved lower, over the small swell of Tommy’s chest, down to his hard stomach, over the slight curve in at his hips.

When Adam’s hands headed back up, Tommy made a slight sound of disapproval in his throat, and Adam chuckled. “Patience, Tommy.”

“I’ve been patient,” Tommy grumbled back.

Adam chuckled again and let his right hand come to rest over Tommy’s heart. The small organ thumped against his palm without a real pattern. But when Adam leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tommy’s, its beats became stronger, quicker. Adam ducked his head and replaced his hand with his lips over Tommy’s heart, then his tongue, moving away to curl his tongue around a nipple.

Tommy sucked in a breath and grabbed fistfuls of Adam’s hair, and Adam scraped his teeth against the hard nub of skin, encouraging more ragged sounds from Tommy’s throat. His arms wrapped around Tommy’s waist, hands moving incessantly, until finally coming to a halt at Tommy’s hipbones. Adam grabbed hold of cotton fabric there and pushed down. Tommy’s sweatpants fell to the floor and then Adam’s arms were around him again, lifting him by the waist until they were both lying on the bed, the whole time licking and sucking at Tommy’s throat.

Tommy took Adam’s chin in his hands and brought his mouth over his. Tommy swirled his tongue over Adam’s bottom lip before Adam opened up to him. Their tongues rubbed over each other, their bodies mimicking those same movements. Moans tangled together inside their throats and Tommy arched up underneath him, pressing himself even harder against Adam. Adam leaned back once, allowing Tommy to pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor, before collapsing on top of him again and kissing him even harder than before.

Tommy rolled his hips against Adam and broke the kiss to growl, “Come on, Adam. Touch me.”

He rolled his hips again and Adam groaned at the feel of Tommy’s hardness against his. Dazed, Adam nodded, but he had other plans. He crawled backwards, situating himself between Tommy’s legs, and gave the other man no warning before taking Tommy’s entire length into his mouth.

The sound Tommy made was half scream, half cry, and his body lifted off the bed. Adam spread his palm against Tommy’s stomach, keeping him down, and licked at the sweetness gathering on the head of Tommy’s cock before swallowing him whole again.

“Fuck,” Tommy panted as he reached down and gripped Adam’s hair. Tommy lifted his hips, grinding himself into Adam’s mouth, and Adam let himself be manipulated. He tightened his lips, loving each ridge and vein he felt against him, loving the way Tommy thrust himself down the back of his throat. Adam lost himself in the feel of hot, long flesh moving in and out of his mouth, the taste of Tommy leaking onto his tongue, the sound of Tommy’s gasps and pounding heart. He could have stayed like that for eternity, satisfying Tommy over and over again.

All too soon, Tommy came, shoving himself hard one last time down Adam’s throat. Adam swallowed each delicious spurt on his tongue. Tommy fell back against the bed and tried to catch his breath. Adam let him rest for a minute and listened to his heart.

“Tired, Glitterbaby?” Adam asked, and though he could hear Tommy’s heart take on a slow, weak pace, Tommy shook his head no.

“Still want you,” he mumbled, and Adam’s cock twitched at the words.

“You’ll find what we need in that drawer,” Adam said, “then turn over.”

While Tommy obeyed, Adam stood and removed what was left of his clothing. When he turned back to the bed, Tommy was spread out languidly on his stomach, his head turned to look at Adam as he offered him a bottle of lube. It was the most appetizing thing Adam had ever seen.

Adam took the proffered bottle and knelt between Tommy’s legs. “You’ve been with a man before, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s been a while. A few years, I think.”

It had been almost five years, Adam knew. “I’ll go slow.”

“The fuck you will,” Tommy said, his lips curving into an arrogant smile. When Adam looked at Tommy in question, low laughter fell from Tommy’s lips. “I’ve waited long enough. Besides, I like it a little rough.”

Adam sniffed. “Whatever you want, Glitterbaby.”

He coated a few of his fingers with lube and traced the rim of Tommy’s entrance slowly. Then, even slower, he pushed a finger inside him, not letting himself breathe until he was up to the knuckle. Tommy wiggled back against him impatiently.

“Come on, Adam.”

Adam withdrew his finger and without ceremony pushed two back in. Tommy moaned as Adam moved them in and out, drawing a cry from him when he curved his fingers and found the sweet spot.

“Fuck yes,” Tommy breathed and pushed himself up on his knees, giving Adam more access and a much better view. Adam watched his fingers disappear over and over, feeling his own need for release building low in his stomach. Tommy moved fluidly against Adam’s hand, like his body was little more than an extension of Adam’s, like Tommy was made for this. Just this.

Suddenly Adam was unable to wait any longer. He grabbed the condom out of Tommy’s other hand and rolled it on himself. Then he bent over Tommy’s body and wrapped a hand in his hair tightly. He pulled so hard that Tommy squealed and came up off the mattress so that they were both on their knees. He leaned back against Adam in surrender and rested, waiting.

Adam licked up his neck and then sank his teeth into Tommy’s earlobe. Tommy made a strangled sound in his throat. “How’s that for rough?”

Tommy pressed his ass against Adam’s cock. “Come on. Just do it.”

Adam would have loved to have driven into him hard right then, but again, he had other plans. He let go of Tommy’s hair and moved his hands all over Tommy’s smooth torso, as gently as he could muster the patience for. He turned Tommy and eased him down on the bed, on his back, and used one hand to part Tommy’s thighs while the other stroked against Tommy’s cheek.

“Gorgeous,” Adam murmured, and pushed inside Tommy. Tommy gasped and reached to his sides, clutching at the comforter underneath him. When his knuckles loosened and his body relaxed, Adam leaned forward and buried himself all the way inside.

Tommy’s muscles tightened all over again, then surrendered to Adam, and he became liquid in Adam’s arms. His whole body rose and fell with each of Adam’s thrusts. He breathed out when Adam breathed in. He closed his eyes and gave himself over completely, even in his mind.

“No, Tommy, stay with me,” Adam whispered as he watched Tommy’s being opened up to him and reveal his soul. Then it was closing, and Tommy’s eyes opened a little. “Good. Stay with me.”

As much as Adam longed to touch Tommy’s soul, the moment would be over way too soon for both of them if he allowed himself. Tommy’s soft, tight heat stretching around him was almost more than he could handle already.

Adam held Tommy around the waist and leaned back on his knees, taking Tommy with him. Tommy moaned loudly as he settled onto Adam’s lap, sinking further onto his cock.

“God…so deep…” Tommy mumbled and Adam thrust up in response, the angle perfect. Adam could almost feel the pleasure that shot through Tommy’s body himself. Tommy leaned his head on Adam’s shoulder heavily, letting the feeling pass. “Fuck. Oh god, fuck.”

“Ride me,” Adam commanded, his voice low, and with what sounded like a whimper, Tommy started to move. Even drunk on pleasure, Tommy moved with grace, reading Adam’s every movement and meeting it as if it Adam spoke his thoughts out loud. Adam drove into him without mercy, hitting that spot inside him again and again, feeling the pleasure spike through Tommy’s body.

Then Tommy pulled Adam’s hair, bringing his head back, and forced his tongue into Adam’s mouth. Adam bit down. When he tasted blood he gripped Tommy’s hips and thrust upward hard, and Tommy screamed. Hot come splattered against Adam’s chest and stomach, and Tommy rode out the aftershocks until he was weak and trembling. Adam’s every sense was overtaken by Tommy, by his soul, his humanness. It was too much. The pleasure built too rapidly.

Adam pushed Tommy onto his back again, finesse abandoned, and with three more hard thrusts was coming hard. Tommy met each one and then wrapped himself around Adam as he collapsed on top of him, holding him in place. They listened to each other’s uneven breaths.

“Jesus Christ,” Tommy finally said, and Adam laughed into his shoulder.

“Seconded. I’ll move soon, I promise. But I can’t feel my legs right now.”

“Stay here as long as you need to.”

Adam kissed the side of Tommy’s neck. “I’m just going to sleep here, then. How do you feel?”

“Other than having a two hundred pound man on top of me, I feel pretty good.”

“Fine,” Adam grumbled, and untangled himself from Tommy. They both made a little whining sound of complaint when Adam pulled out. Adam tied off the condom and threw it in the general direction of the trash can before curling around Tommy again. “You really feel okay?” he asked, his hand automatically settling over Tommy’s heart. It beat more steadily than it had in days.

“I feel great.” Tommy put his hand over Adam’s and his brown eyes were dancing. “You felt great.”

Adam smiled. His body remembered the tight hotness of Tommy’s and was already longing for it again. “You too, but I think you wore me out.”

“We’ll call it even, then. Sleep now?”

“Yes, please.”

It was nearly three in the morning when Adam woke and knew immediately that Brad was in the room. Adam lifted his head and spied his old lover sitting on the corner of the bed, watching them sleep with a sad little smile on his face. “Brad?”

“Hey.”

Adam studied Brad in the dim light. “You okay?”

Brad didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned forward and let his fingers brush over Tommy’s chest. Tommy stirred, purring in his sleep. “God really made him perfect for you, didn’t He? High cheekbones like you love, full lips. Small but strong. Narrow hips and smooth, pale skin. And he knows how to counter your every move.”

“Brad…”

“He made me for you too. He made me like that.”

“I know,” Adam said, his voice choked. “But there’s a plan for you, Brad. Much bigger than me.”

Brad moved forward, settling himself between Adam and Tommy and enfolding Tommy in his arms and wings. Tommy moved into his embrace, his lips curled into a smile.

“I don’t hold him enough,” Brad said. “He’s not as in tune with me as he should be because of that. I need to hold him more. I’ve always been scared to.”

Adam frowned at that. He’d always thought God underestimated how strong of a pull Watchers felt toward their wards. He forbade them to reveal themselves to their wards because a human wouldn’t be able to handle seeing their guardian angel. The connection was too strong; they’d fall instantly in love. But the Watchers made theirs wards their entire world. Of course they’d want them as lovers. But if Brad was going to be tempted with Tommy, Adam wouldn’t tolerate it.

Brad must have felt Adam’s discomfort because he reached back and took Adam’s hand. “Don’t worry. I won’t. He’s yours. And I think he’s going to choose you.”

“What happens to Elohim’s plans, then?”

Brad didn’t answer that either. He smoothed Tommy’s hair out of his face and rested his head on Tommy’s shoulder. “Get some rest, Azazel. Unfold those wings. That body makes you so weak.”

Adam was too tired to try to keep prying answers out of Brad, so he let himself take on his angel form and wrapped himself around the human and the angel God had made for him, and fell asleep. When the morning light crept over his eyes in the morning, waking him, Brad was gone, and he held Tommy in his black wings.

~~~//~~~

As soon as Adam opened the folder, he knew why Lucifer had chosen him for this job. A picture of a plain white woman with hazel eyes stared back at him. Age thirty-nine. Married ten years. Kids: zero. Name: Christine Nelson.

She was sitting at her kitchen table in her huge home in Vermont, staring off at nothing, when Adam appeared in front of her. She barely flinched, and she didn’t act the least bit surprised, even when Adam unfurled his wings and they stretched nearly the span of the whole room.

“Are you Satan?” she whispered hopefully.

“No,” Adam replied, tucking his wings back in and sitting across from her at the table. “I am Azazel, one of his most trusted representatives.”

“Will I see him? Will he come?”

Adam wrinkled his nose. It wasn’t often that he was deemed unimpressive, but this woman obviously had her sights set on Lucifer himself. “You will see him if you sign.”

“I’ll sign. Just give me the contract.”

Adam produced the folder which held all of her information, even the contract for her soul. “I need to read it over to you so that you are fully aware of the stipulations of this contract before you sign. This is an irreversible decision. If something is not satisfactory, even down to the minutest detail of a clause, then we cannot—”

“Will I have a baby?”

Adam stared at her. “If you sign, yes. A baby girl, as you chose, with your husband…” Adam glanced at the documents for a name, “Brett Nelson.”

The woman reached across the table and grabbed the contract. “Let me sign.”

“Christine,” Adam said in the voice he usually reserved for lullabies and his lovers’ ears. “If you sign, you are committed to an eternity in Hell. You will live out the rest of time in the Third Circle, without your senses and without company.” Adam stared into her eyes, seeing the pain in them. “It’s lonely. And it’s dull. And you will not be granted the mercy of insanity.”

“Why are you saying this? And why didn’t Lucifer come? I asked for _him_ ,” Christine snapped, scowling. She sat back in her chair and blinked back tears.

“Lucifer would tell you the same.” Adam leaned toward her. “I can ensure that you become pregnant and that you have a little baby girl who is healthy and lovely. But to do that I need an exchange. Your soul, which will remain in Hell until the end of days.”

Christine made a fist and pressed it to her mouth. “I can’t have children. We’ve tried everything. Brett wants children. If I can’t do this for him…he’ll leave me.”

Adam closed his eyes and repeated the name Brett Nelson in his head. Brett Nelson was currently fucking a coworker on his office desk. Adam bit his lip before saying, “In the interest of full disclosure, I am obligated to tell you that your pregnancy is not guaranteed to make you happy, to save your marriage, or to make your husband love you. Furthermore, the girl will be healthy at birth but is not protected by us thereafter. And we most certainly do not guarantee that she will be easy to raise, smart, or beautiful.”

Christine Nelson flinched and then turned away, chewing on a nail before turning her gaze back to Adam. “You live there, don’t you?”

“I live in a home in the Fourth Circle,” Adam replied.

“What’s it like?”

Adam kept his voice and his gaze steady. “My home is lovely inside. Warm, beautiful, comfortable. I have souls, collected much like yours will be, to wait on me hand and foot. They obey my every whim and they stay in large rooms in my house. But they are the souls I chose to seduce. Souls who willingly called on Satan are just outside my door. They are forced to fight each other with heavy swords and stones, and their wounds never heal. Even safe inside my home, I can sometimes hear them scream.”

Christine stared at him, open-mouthed. “But I’d be in the Third Circle, right? I wouldn’t be fighting?”

“No. It’s quiet there. Not that you’d know, because you won’t be able to hear.”

Christine leaned on the table and bit her knuckle. She was still for a few minutes, her only movement a small shiver. “He’ll love the girl, won’t he? He’ll love his daughter?”

“I can’t make that promise.”

Then, slowly, quietly, Christine started to cry. “I don’t know what else to do…”

“Want my advice?” Christine wiped at her eyes and studied him, unsure of whether she could trust an angel that worked for Satan. Adam disregarded her and spoke again. “I’d make sure you really know what you’re giving your soul for. Is he worth it, Christine? And do you really want a child? Children should be loved for their own sake. Trust me on that. I was a father once.”

Christine looked down at the contract. Her eyes flicked over the page once, twice, and then she pushed it back across the table to Adam. She hugged her knees to her chest and fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Adam took the contract from the table and tucked it back inside the file folder.

Adam stood and stretched, giving Christine a sympathetic smile. “You’re going to be much happier without him, Christine.”

And then Adam was in Lucifer’s office, smug smile planted on his face. “Couldn’t get her to sign. Sorry.”

Understanding and gratefulness flashed behind Lucifer’s eyes and he nodded, frowning a bit. “I’m sure you tried your hardest. You are my best worker. Thank you, Azazel. Get back to Tommy now. I can feel how much you miss him.”

Adam left Lucifer’s office and landed outside his own door, grinning. Good, loving souls like Christine Nelson’s didn’t belong in Hell, and Lucifer knew that more than anyone. But Lucifer’s pride, his biggest sin, wouldn’t have allowed him to say so out loud. And of course, a soul lost was a soul that God claimed, so it was never a cause for celebration. Still, there was a lightness to Adam’s steps as he opened the door to his house and found Tommy in the living room, watching Rosemary’s Baby on the flat screen TV.

Adam almost laughed at the irony.

“Welcome home, Baby Boy,” Tommy said, his grin lazy. Sexy. “How were the jingling balls?”

Adam had almost forgotten that he’d been in Florida at all. “Jingly. Did I miss anything exciting here?”

Tommy stretched himself out on Adam’s leather couch. His shirt, one of Adam’s old ones, rose up to reveal his flat stomach. Adam let his gaze wander over the curves of his muscles as slow as a Sunday drive in the country.

“Not much. I went jogging.”

Adam gasped histrionically. “You exercised?”

“I did. I ran for almost two blocks before I felt like I was going to throw up.”

Adam snorted. “How’d the ticker do?”

Tommy absently rubbed his chest. “Not bad. It felt pretty good, honestly. And a doctor came by. Said you’d scheduled a house visit for me.” Tommy’s eyebrow arched. “I told her I had a paranoid, overprotective boyfriend and I was fine, but she insisted on checking me out. She took me off some pain meds and put me on something that keeps my blood thin, I guess so my heart doesn’t work as hard to pump it. Adam, you really didn’t have to do that.”

Adam shrugged. “Was she ugly? I told them to send an ugly doctor.”

“Paranoid, overprotective, and jealous.” Tommy shook his head, resigned. “She had a unibrow. I think her name was Olga.”

“Perfect,” Adam said. “Come here and kiss me. I’ve been home five minutes already and you haven’t even gotten off the couch.”

“But my chest hurts a little, and I’m tired. I think you should just come to me.”

Tommy stuck his bottom lip out and his brown eyes went all sad and pleading and Adam’s heart waved a little white flag. He went over to the couch and lay down, Tommy snuggling up to him as if getting closer was imperative to his existence. Adam tipped his head and touched his mouth to Tommy’s, drinking him in.

“Just so you know, when we’re done snuggling, I’m taking you upstairs and wearing you out again,” Adam said when they broke away.

“Good. I was feeling entirely too awake,” Tommy quipped.

Adam laughed and kissed him again.


	12. Chapter 12

They were settled on the couch under a pile of blankets, watching the third season of The Tudors at Adam’s insistence, when Tommy leaned his head on Adam’s shoulder and said, “It wasn’t all jogging and doctor visits.”

A prickling chill rushed down Adam’s spine. He pressed a button on the remote and the screen froze. “Did you collapse again?”

“No.”

Adam tried to remain calm though inside he was picturing a plethora of horrid scenarios. “Okay, then. Did you have a party here and break an heirloom vase? Forget to feed my fish? Hire strippers?”

Tommy laughed in that light way of his that told Adam he was being ridiculous. “I, uh…I wrote a living will.”

“You did what?”

Tommy sat up, wrapping a blanket around himself. “Just hear me out. We know I’m sick and that something could happen to me any minute, and—”

“Would you stop this? Nothing’s going to happen.”

“Adam, please. Listen to me. This is important,” Tommy said, the edge of begging in his voice. He ran his fingers over Adam’s forearm. “My heart isn’t good. And if something happens to me that would leave me incapable of making decisions for myself, I want you to know what I’d want, okay?”

Adam shook his head and was going to speak, but found the muscles in his throat just wouldn’t move.

“No amount of denying or talking about the future is going to keep me here,” Tommy said, and he snuggled back up to Adam. Adam wrapped Tommy in his arms, automatic, his thoughts a few steps behind Tommy’s words. “And I don’t want you to have to stress about anything. I want everything to be taken care of, so you can just be there with me…you know…when I die.”

Adam sucked in a breath.

“I’m trying to accept this. That doesn’t mean I won’t fight it. But I’m trying to accept this. I need your help, Adam.”

Adam looked down into Tommy’s pleading eyes and nodded. “What can I do? What do you want me to know?”

Tommy smiled, relieved. “I’ll have you read it over some other time, but basically I want you to let me go. If there’s a point where it’s only a machine that’s keeping me here and there’s no chance I’ll get better, just let me go.”

“Let you go,” Adam repeated back, the impossibility of the instruction like dead weight in his mouth. The only way Adam would ever be able to just let Tommy go was if he knew that afterwards, Tommy would be in his arms for all eternity.

“Yes. There are some things you need to sign for me.” Tommy pouted, apologetic. “I couldn’t ask my mom. She’s a mess over this anyway. She’ll be useless. I know you’ll be able to follow through.” Tommy looked hopefully at Adam, waiting. His shoulders slumped when Adam said nothing else. “I’m not scared. Please don’t be scared for me.”

“You’re not scared?”

“No. I mean, I’m scared that I won’t get much time with you, cheesy as that is. But I’m not scared of dying. Like I said, I’m trying to accept it.” Tommy’s lips curled slightly. “I think whatever comes after this must be pretty awesome, right? There’s no way we could go through all this crap on earth and not have something fun in the afterlife. Maybe it’s one big party up there. Or rock concert. Or maybe I’ll just float off into the ether and find a handsome, black-winged angel.”

Adam chuckled and kissed his temple. “You’re insane.”

“Hey, don’t laugh. Those silly hallucinations have made me feel a lot better these last few weeks.”

Adam pushed Tommy back so that he could look him in the eyes. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Tommy’s face flushed deep crimson. “I’m just saying. I can understand why people get all religious when they know they’re going to croak. I mean, I’m not buying into all that stuff my mom’s church said or anything but… it’s kind of comforting to think that there’s something after this, right? That this isn’t all we get?”

Sympathy stirred and balled itself up inside Adam’s chest, tight and aching. “It is comforting.”

“Of course, if there is an afterlife, I’ll probably end up in Hell. They probably wouldn’t want me in Heaven.” Adam blanched as Tommy chuckled, then he felt Tommy’s eyes on him. “Hey, you alright? You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

“I’m sorry, Tommy,” Adam said and then tried to pull himself together. “This is kind of a hard conversation for me…I’m not to the point where I can think about this. Not sure if I’ll ever be.”

“I know. I just talk about it and joke about it because if I don’t I’ll think about how hard this is. How unfair it is. How much I won’t be able to do and all I’m leaving behind…”

Tommy looked meaningfully at Adam, and Adam could only offer a weak smile in return. “I really think you have a lot of time. I’m not saying that because I’m in denial. I just have this feeling.”

“I hope so. We haven’t had nearly enough sex.”

“Is it possible to have enough?”

“We’d need a few thousand years, but eventually I’d tire of having amazing sex, I’m sure.”

Adam didn’t laugh. He reached up and curled his hand into the hair at the back of Tommy’s head and brought him close for a kiss, licking into Tommy’s mouth eagerly. When he pulled away, Tommy sighed, his eyes closed and a blissful smile bloomed on his face.

“Okay. It would take more than a few thousand years.”

“I don’t think I could ever get tired of you.” Adam looked at the TV, wondering why the hell he was wasting time watching it. “Mind if we change plans for the evening? There’s something I want to show you.”

Tommy squinted at him, like he was trying to piece together clues from Adam’s facial expression. “Okay. Do I need to get dressed up or anything?”

Adam eyed Tommy’s outfit. “No, but you might want to consider wearing something you haven’t slept in for the past week.”

“Shuddup. I’ll go change.”

Adam listened to Tommy’s footsteps thump up the stairs and turned in the direction of Brad’s presence. Brad materialized, his face stoic. “You’re telling him.”

“It’s time, Brad. He thinks he’s dying, and we both know he’s not wrong about that. And he’s obsessed with these mysterious angels he keeps seeing.” Adam blew out a breath. “Besides, I’m almost out of time.”

Brad gave a curt nod. “Look at the third page of that journal there.”

Adam glanced at the end table next to the couch. There was a small black, leather-bound journal there. It looked new, hardly used. Adam picked it up, turned to page three, and read over a small list printed in Tommy’s uneven scrawl. “What is this?”

“Ever seen that Morgan Freeman movie? The Bucket List?”

“He’s making a list of things he wants to do before he dies?” As Brad nodded in response, Adam read it over. He expected to see adventures, long trips, death defying feats. But the list was full of small, achievable things. Adam read some of them out loud to Brad. “He wants to drive a sports car really fast on an empty road. He wants to record some of his music. He wants to pay off his mother’s mortgage. He wants to spend the night with me under the stars. He wants me to sing him to sleep…”

Adam stopped speaking as the list blurred from his tears. He looked up at Brad, filled with anger. “If God wanted to make me someone, why didn’t He make him a robot? Someone without feelings or a will of his own? Why did He have to give Tommy hopes, and dreams, and talent… This is too cruel, Brad. Not just to me, but to Tommy. He doesn’t know his only purpose is to tempt me back to Heaven. And why should it be? Why shouldn’t he have a long, healthy life?”

Brad didn’t reply to that. There was no answer he could have given that would have satisfied Adam, and with his ward as the subject, he could hardly disagree. “Turn the page, Adam.”

Slowly, as if a snake was waiting to jump out and bite him, Adam turned to the next page in the journal. There, scribbled over the faint blue lines, was a drawing of his face and shoulders and behind him, stretched out as if he were flying, were black wings. In the corner, in slanted, angular handwriting, Tommy had written, “Azazel.”

Adam lifted his eyes to Brad’s.

“He’s somehow connecting everything in his head, almost as if he’s aware that there’s a purpose for him.” Brad looked away. “It’s time. Good luck, Adam.”

Brad faded away as Tommy came in the room. He was wearing the loose jeans he loved and the shirt that gave him angel wings. Adam got up and went to him, turning him so that he could see Tommy’s back. He put a hand on each wing and pressed gently. “You are so gorgeous like this.”

“Maybe they’ll give me some when I get to Heaven,” Tommy said and winked.

Adam smiled back at him even though his heart felt like it might shatter. He took his keys off the counter and handed them to Tommy. “You drive.”

Tommy gaped at him. “You want me to drive your Mustang?”

Adam yawned dramatically for Tommy’s benefit. “Yeah, I’m a little sleepy. Better have someone focused behind the wheel.”

Tommy took the Mustang’s keys and held them in his hands as if they were precious and fragile. Adam thought it was adorable.

“Let’s drive down the coast. Get out of the city. Claim a few of those winding country roads for ourselves.”

Tommy drove them south cautiously until Adam told him, “Will you fucking go over seventy? It’s a god-damned Mustang. Pedal to the floor, son.”

When Tommy took that as a challenge and the little speedometer climbed almost past its limit, Adam closed his eyes and was more thankful than ever that Brad was watching over them.

Dull memories of flying over the area guided Adam’s instinct, and he had Tommy turn down a twisting gravel road. Tommy didn’t question him, and soon they were at the top of a huge hill, the nearest house miles away, only trees and the stars over their heads. There was another thing that Adam could cross off Tommy’s Bucket List tonight, if he was lucky.

Tommy parked and they got out, looking out over the valley below with wonder. Adam took Tommy’s hand in his.

“It’s a little chillier than I’d like, but I’ve got tons of blankets in the back of the car.”

Tommy arched a pretty brow in question. “You want to spend the night here?”

“Yeah,” Adam said, nodding. “Is that okay?”

Tommy’s lips pursed. “You read my list, didn’t you?”

“Does it make me any less romantic if I did?”

Adam cleared his throat and looked out at the hills across the valley with a smirk. He could see Tommy shake his head in resignation next to him. “No, not at all.”

“And I want you to know, the rest of those things on the list…we can do those. Easily.” Adam turned, his gaze settling heavy on Tommy’s. “I can get you into a studio tomorrow if you want to record. Your mom’s house…just let me know how much to make the check out for. And I’ll sing you to sleep every night, if that’s what you want.”

Tommy nodded once and then his face contorted into an expression of pure pain and he dropped Adam’s hand. Adam reached for his boyfriend and Tommy dodged the touch.

“What’s wrong?”

Tommy said nothing but shook his head viciously before sitting on the ground with a thud. Adam watched Tommy tuck his knees to his chest and pull his fingers through his tangled hair before kneeling beside him.

“Tommy. Talk to me.”

“Please don’t do this, Adam. Please don’t do all these things for me.”

Adam stared at him, confused. “Why not? This is what you want, isn’t it?”

“It is. And you’re amazing.” Tommy blinked, fighting a few tears that had come to his eyes. He looked upward at the stars above their heads. When he spoke, his voice was shaky. Raw. “And I hate you a little bit right now for that.”

“Why?” Adam asked, his heart sinking.

Tommy tried to smile a little, but all he achieved was a pout. “You’re making it hard to die.” When all Adam could do was gape at him in return, Tommy went on. “That stupid list. I thought I’d write down things like trips to Europe or some tropical island…bungee jumping off the Eiffel Tower or some shit. All it did was make me realize that none of that matters to me. I want to make sure my mom’s taken care of, sure. Other than that, all I could think of was you. I might live to be a hundred years old, and if I do, I want to spend every minute of it with you. And if I don’t…if my heart gives out on me tomorrow, I won’t want to go on, no matter how awesome it is on the other side. Cause I don’t want to be without you.”

Tommy brushed tears from his cheek and scowled at the wetness on the back of his hand. “Damn you, Adam. I’ve only known you for two months and somehow you have me so in love with you that I can’t accept being sick, and I hate you for it. Because I need to be okay with this. I want to be able to die in peace and not be thinking, ‘If only I had more time with him.’ It’s not fair.”

With those words, Adam’s human heart skipped joyously inside his chest, and his divine spirit stirred within him. He cupped Tommy’s chin in his hands and kissed him once, chastely, on the lips. “You never have to be without me. Even if you die tomorrow, you’ll never be without me.”

Tommy squinted at him. “Sure. Memories and all that. That’s what everyone says.”

“No,” Adam said, shaking his head. “Not like that. For real. Tommy, we can have all the time in the world. Eternity.”

Tommy pulled back slightly. “You’re scaring me a little…”

“Don’t be scared.” Adam stood. “I want to show you something. Please don’t be frightened. I would never hurt you.”

“Adam…” Tommy began, but his warning trailed off as Adam changed in front of his eyes. His body stretched, growing taller and filling out with sinewy muscles and tendons, his calves lengthened, as did his fingers. His eyes started to glow bright, beautiful blue, electric and piercing. His hair even darkened, becoming as black as the Abyss itself. Then, once his body had settled into its angelic form, Adam stretched out his giant black wings to their full span before curling them back in toward himself.

Tommy gasped and leaned away from him, covering his mouth in shock.

“Don’t be afraid,” Adam said again, and though his voice was gentle it echoed around the hill, powerful and ethereal. “I’m still me, this is just what I really look like. My real name is—”

“Azazel,” Tommy whispered, his hand falling from his mouth.

“Yes,” Adam said. “I know it’s hard to believe.”

“I believe.” Tommy stood slowly, facing Adam with trepidation. His eyes traveled over the expanse of black wings behind Adam, filled with awe. “Those visions felt so real. I thought maybe I was just trying to convince myself so that I wouldn’t have to be scared…but they felt so real.”

Tommy looked into Adam’s eyes and his hand reached out, moving slowly toward Adam’s cheek.

“Oh!” Tommy breathed, and pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry. Can…can I touch you?”

“Please. Touch me.”

So Tommy reached out again, his fingertips moving over Adam’s jaw line, over the rise of his cheek, over his temple. Adam sighed into the touch and tried to focus on making it as physical as he could for Tommy, though he knew Tommy was feeling a humming, a vibration, not real substance like human flesh.

Something like a sob broke from Tommy’s lips and he hugged his own body before sinking to the ground. He held himself and rocked slowly, side to side, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry. I’ll change back. It’s really too much for a human…I should have been more careful…”

“No,” Tommy said, looking up with pleading eyes. “Please don’t. You’re so beautiful. Your eyes…your face…the wings…It’s just a little overwhelming, but please, don’t change. I want to see you like this. It feels right. It feels like I’ve always known. Could I have known?”

Adam thought about what Brad had said, how Tommy had been made for him. Adam nodded. “I think so. But facing me like this will make you too tired. I don’t want to hurt your heart.”

“Okay,” Tommy said, though he was obviously disappointed. Then he asked with an embarrassed smile, “Can I touch your wings first?”

Adam’s wings fluttered with excitement at the mere suggestion. He smiled back at Tommy, careful to make sure his eyes softened a bit. “Of course.”

Adam unfolded his wings, stretching them out slightly to his sides and Tommy took a step closer, giving Adam one more glance for permission. Adam nodded and Tommy reached out, touching the strong top of Adam’s left wing and running his hand down the length of it, to the tip. Adam closed his eyes and commanded his breath to be steady, though every little movement sent him into pleasure-filled shivers. He’d forgotten how good it felt to have a human touch his wings. It was almost as good as touching a human’s soul.

Tommy was grinning with an edge of cockiness when Adam opened his eyes, enjoying Adam’s reaction immensely. He moved his hands inward so that he was touching the thinner, velvety part of Adam’s wings. Adam sighed.

“It’s like a butterfly wing, but thicker. I thought it would feel like leather.”

Adam shook his head. His wings were powdery, flexible, and had they not been ridiculously powerful they would have seemed fragile. He knew how soft they were to human hands. “Not really like a bat’s at all, right?”

Tommy laughed. “Not at all.” Then his smile faded and he lowered his hands, meeting Adam’s eye with sadness. “Are you here because I’m dying? Have you come to take me to the other side?”

A lump rose in Adam’s throat. “No. I’m here because I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. I couldn’t get you out of my head. I’ve been watching you for years. Since you were a baby.”

Instead of being creeped out by that, like Adam had feared, Tommy seemed relieved. “So I’m not dying. But aren’t you Death? Isn’t that what you do?”

“Sometimes it’s what I do, when Lucifer asks it of me. But that is not my purpose with you.”

“No, you want my soul, don’t you?” Tommy asked, unflinching. “That’s what you meant by us having forever, right?”

“Yes. If you choose me. I mean, if you choose to give your soul to me, we’ll be together forever in… in the afterlife.”

“It’s all true then?” Tommy asked. “God exists? And Heaven? Hell?”

“Yes, all of it.”

Tommy nodded, accepting Adam’s answer like he’d known it before he’d asked the question. He probably had, Adam realized. A soul made for an angel would undoubtedly have some clue or distant memory of its origins. Tommy spoke again. “I have a lot of questions.”

“Naturally.”

Tommy’s big brown eyes focused on him, as if Adam was the most important thing in the universe. As if Adam could tell him all the secrets of the stars. And Adam could.

“The story is true then, too? About the Flood? You had children, Nephilim, and God asked you to send the rain that would kill them.”

“Yes,” Adam said softly. “I had four children. Beautiful children. And I couldn’t bear to hurt them.”

“So you Fell and…now you work for Satan?”

“Yes, but he’s not so bad,” Adam said when Tommy pulled a face. “He’s actually very kind. He punishes me if I disobey, but he would never ask me to do anything I didn’t want to do. He’s quite merciful, believe it or not.”

“A kind, merciful Satan,” Tommy said, slight amusement in his voice.

Adam chuckled. “Yes. I mean, I wouldn’t cross him, but he’s not the devil they make him out to be.”

“And God? What’s He like?”

Adam closed his eyes and hummed a faint, ancient melody, one he knew from the Heavens eons ago. Happiness washed over his entire being. “Wonderful. All-powerful. All-seeing, all-knowing. He’s extraordinary.”

“But…he wanted you to kill your own children.”

“Yes, and I hate Him for that. For hurting me. But He is a part of me, Tommy. He is my father and the center of my spirit and He is all that is within and without. I cannot separate myself from Him completely, nor would I ever want to.” Adam watched Tommy shake his head in disbelief. “I know it’s hard to understand, but I’ll explain it all. I’ll explain anything you want me to explain. You want to know why there’s suffering in the world? Sickness? I’ll tell you. Want to know how the universe came to be? I can explain it. Anything you want. Let me change back into a human so we can talk all night. You’ll get too tired with me this way.”

“Wait.” Tommy cocked his head to the side and wrinkled his nose. “Um…”

“Yeah?” Adam asked, arching a brow.

“Can you, uh…can you stay like this while we…”

Adam’s lips twitched with amusement. “You’ve already had sex with an angel, remember?”

“Yeah, but…not with the wings and…” Tommy looked down at Adam’s hands. “…the long fingers and such.”

Adam laughed loudly. “Tommy, what did you feel when you touched me? Flesh and bone?”

“No,” Tommy answered after some hesitation. “It was…almost like it was moving. Like my guitar strings after I pluck them.”

“Exactly,” Adam said. “I’m just pooling energy and whatever substance I can underneath your fingers. I have no physical substance. This is the form I take because it’s how God designed humans to see me, but I could look like anything I want. I’ve been told that I look like black smoke when I’m working. But I could never maintain this shape long enough for sex. When I’m in this form, I prefer to touch you another way.”

A look of sudden realization crossed Tommy’s face and he rolled his eyes. “Tantra my ass.”

Adam tried his best to look sheepish. “I was kind of, well, touching your soul.”

“It felt incredible.” Tommy stepped closer and leaned up on his toes, kissing Adam’s lips. Their lips thrummed against each other with Adam’s energy. “Touch my soul again, Adam.”

Adam smiled slightly. “Don’t you want to know the secrets of the universe first?”

Tommy shook his head. “Nah. I know I love you, and you love me, and you’re an angel. I’m sure I’ll know the other stuff soon. Right now, I want an angel to make love to me, the only way he can.”

“I can do that,” Adam said, and before he could kiss Tommy again, Tommy was opening himself up, offering his soul completely to Adam’s touch, and Adam took all he was offered.


	13. Chapter 13

“Tommy.”

The greeting caught in Adam’s throat with surprise. Tommy had said he was going back to his apartment to gather some things for the next few days, but he’d only been a half hour at most. When Tommy ducked into Adam’s kitchen, a duffle bag hanging from one shoulder, Adam was just finishing a cup of coffee with his boss.

Tommy stared at the stranger in the room. The duffel bag fell off his shoulder with a loud thump against the tile floor.

“Tommy, this is—”

“Lucifer,” Tommy whispered.

“Yes, Lucifer.” Adam didn’t waste time wondering how Tommy knew. Tommy’s intuition was amazing for a human, and his intrinsic knowledge of the supernatural was unmatched. He’d found that with Tommy, he never really had to explain. “The leader of the Fallen. My leader. Lucifer, you know Tommy.”

Lucifer stood and offered his hand, and Tommy showed no fear, walking forward to shake it with a firm grip. “Good to meet you, Tommy. We’ve actually met before, but you were unconscious.”

“Yeah. Thank you for trying to Heal me, though,” Tommy said. They sat at the kitchen table and Tommy reached for Adam’s cup. Adam put his hand over the top.

“I’ll make you decaf. No caffeine, remember? Speeds your heart up too much.”

As Adam got up to fix the coffee, Lucifer leaned toward Tommy, his dark eyes taking in Tommy’s slight form inch by inch. “You are pretty, aren’t you?”

Adam watched over his shoulder as Lucifer stroked a finger down Tommy’s cheek and smiled suggestively at him. Adam’s jaw clenched and he turned away, one ear open in their direction.

“And that soul… just lovely. Like it was made for an angel to touch,” Lucifer said. Adam bristled and searched for a mug in his cabinet. “Such a beautiful white, and the smell…”

“My soul has a smell?” Tommy asked, filled with innocent curiosity.

“Yes, definitely. Adam, what is that smell? It’s so pleasing…”

Adam set the mug on the counter and looked at them. Lucifer was still touching Tommy, a firm hand on his jaw, an arrogant smirk on his face. It was like he was dangling Tommy in front of him. Look what I have, Adam. Even if you win him, he’s still mine.

“You smell like water,” Adam said as calmly as he could. “Clean, fresh water. Or morning dew. Or sea air. But it’s always water.”

“Yes, water,” Lucifer purred. “Your entire soul is like water. Refreshing and pure and serene. No wonder my best Destroyer loves you so.”

Adam watched with powerless fury as Lucifer’s thumb circled Tommy’s lips. Tommy’s eyes blinked shut and his pink tongue slid out of his mouth to swipe across Lucifer’s thumb. Lucifer’s low, satisfied laughter brought Tommy back to reality and he quickly jerked his face away and sent Adam a look of apology.

“So responsive,” Lucifer mused. “So wide open.”

Lucifer stood and came around the counter, wrapping Adam up in his arms. “Don’t worry, Azazel. His heart will always remain yours alone.”

His words didn’t soothe Adam in the slightest.

“Remember your assignment. I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, Lucifer was gone. Adam turned to Tommy, his eyes flaring to their angelic bright blue.

“Adam, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. He just—”

“He’s the fucking devil, Tommy. That’s what. And you’re just a human. Of course you’re going to lose self-control around him. He is temptation.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy stammered. “I can be strong. I can resist him, I’ve resisted him all my life, right? I just didn’t expect it to be so powerful.”

“I’m not mad at you. He was just putting me in my place, reminding me who always has the upper hand here.”

“What do you mean?” Tommy asked.

Adam was silent. He took the coffee carafe out of the machine and poured it into Tommy’s mug. “We need to talk more. We haven’t talked about anything important yet.”

Tommy’s lips turned up at the corners. “We’ve talked about how the world was created, about destiny and free will. You answered me when I asked you if God could make a burrito so big that He Himself couldn’t eat it. What important stuff could be left?”

“Your destiny, Tommy. Where you’re going to spend eternity.”

Tommy took the mug as Adam offered it to him and sat across from him. Tommy swallowed and leaned back in his chair. “We know the answer. I’ll be with you cause I’m giving you my soul.”

“No. Don’t say that,” Adam said, shushing him. “Not yet. You need to know everything.”

“I’ll be with you, that’s all I need to know.”

“No.” Adam shook his head. “How can you be so astute about everything but this? Tommy, if you choose me, you’re going to spend eternity in Hell.”

“With you.”

“Yes, with me, but it’s Hell.”

“Meaning…?”

“Meaning that it’s not Heaven.”

“But it’s _with you_.”

Adam sighed. He was going to have to try a different tack. “Okay, you know what Lucifer just did to you?”

“Yeah?”

“If you give me your soul, he can do that any time he wants. I only get to keep your soul through his power, it’s actually his. He’s the only one Elohim has permitted to hold souls. It’s not my right, it’s his.” Adam watched as fear settled into Tommy’s brown irises. “You’ll be in my house, with me, and by all intents and purposes mine…except that he’s the one who actually owns you. You’re just on loan to me because of my loyalty to him.”

“So…he could just take me?” Tommy asked.

“Yes. And do anything he wanted with you. To you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

It was clear from the panic on Tommy’s face that he did. “I don’t want to be with anyone but you. Can’t we make a deal? Can’t we put that in the contract, that I’m just yours?”

“If I could sell my own soul for that, I would, but I don’t have one to sell,” Adam said softly. “He loves me, Tommy, and he wouldn’t hurt me, but he likes to remind us every once in a while that he is in charge. And taking you would be a sure reminder for me. Not to mention, Heaven and Hell are fighting over you. To say there’s interest in you is the understatement of, well, all time. He’ll want you. Trust me.”

“Why are Heaven and Hell fighting over me? Aren’t you just after my soul? That happens every day, right?” Tommy asked. “Why am I so interesting?”

This was the important stuff, not the secrets of the universe. Adam felt dread chill in his stomach. “Your Watcher is Uriel, though he calls himself Brad now.”

“As in your ex-boyfriend Brad?”

“That’s the one.”

“So my Watcher is your ex. That makes me feel safe.”

Adam grinned. “Don’t worry. Because he’s your guardian angel he loves you far more than he loves me. You have a kind of connection. And he’s definitely the best Watcher in the world. I’m not just saying that because he’s my ex; it’s true. No one has taken a soul from him. Ever. Which is why I had to make a little wager with him so that I might have a shot at getting yours.”

Tommy’s eyes narrowed to slits. “So you made a bet for my soul with my guardian angel? You’re not exactly instilling confidence in him, here. My eternity is in the crossfire of what, an old grudge?”

“It’s not a bet for your soul. It’s a bet for my freedom. Your soul is, and always was, yours to do with as you will.” Adam blinked. “It’s the free will thing we talked about last night. Just because God is all-knowing doesn’t mean you don’t have free will. He just knows your choices before you make them.”

“But why make a bet at all if Brad’s boss knows the outcome?”

“Because the outcome might be both in God’s favor and in mine. I don’t know the plan. But I do know there’s nothing I can do to fight the plan. Everything’s written.”

Tommy leaned over the table and rubbed at his temples. “I’m going to have to think about that one a while to understand it. Back to Brad. What do you mean, your freedom is at stake? Isn’t it a battle over my soul?”

“Brad agreed to step aside and let me near you until the new year. I have until then to convince you to give your soul to me, and he won’t interfere until then.” Adam looked down at his hands. “And if you don’t choose to give your soul to me, I become Brad’s for eternity. I will live with him in Heaven and become one of God’s angels again. I will be bound to God, and I will have to do His will.”

“Even if it means killing your own children?” Adam nodded slowly. Tommy rubbed his temples again. “Of course I’ll choose you. I want to be with you. I love you. And if it keeps you from doing things you don’t want to do, all the better. So why try to convince me that this is a bad thing?”

“I have to be honest with you, Tommy. I cannot let you just make this decision without knowing all the facts. You’re not…you’re not like Drake, whose soul was cheap and easy to take. He didn’t care to know anything except what he was getting in return. But I know you. You want to know details, you want to know the way things work.” Adam raked a hand through his hair. “And I couldn’t trick you into this. Your soul is too precious to be bought by deceit. Part of my agreement with Brad is that I can’t use any tricks anyway. All I can offer you is myself. Not fame or fortune or any of that. Just forever with me.”

Tommy seemed deep in thought for several minutes, then he asked, “How many souls do you own?”

Adam thought about it. “I’ve taken at least one a decade since the dawn of time…I’d have to do the math…”

Tommy nodded once then turned away. “And did you tell all of those people you were in love with them?”

“Most of them don’t want my affection, Tommy. Most of them want money or something tangible. I visited a woman last week who wanted to give her soul to Lucifer for a baby.” Adam felt shame wash over him as he uttered the next words. “I could take them as lovers if I wanted, since I own them, but most don’t become lovers. I took Drake because I was lonely and because it allowed me to fulfill his contract. But I’ve said ‘I love you’ to someone else only rarely. I generally don’t say things I don’t mean. But some people don’t even want to be loved anyway.”

“Rarely,” Tommy repeated back, thinking. “Did you love Brad?”

“Very much. God made him with me in mind. And I still do. In fact, I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that he is your Watcher. I’m sure God connected him to you so that my love for you would be even more intense. But regardless of him, I love you for who you are. I’d still love you if your Watcher was someone like Cassiel, God forbid.” Adam looked at Tommy hopefully. The blond tried to smile and failed. “I will not trick you into this. I will not lie to you. Okay? That’s why I’m telling you all this, so that you know what eternity could be like for you, either way. So that your decision is based on the truth. Then I’ll know you really want to be with me, in spite of living in Hell, in spite of what you’re giving up by blocking yourself out of Heaven.”

“What’s so great about Heaven, anyway? It obviously doesn’t have the best looking angels.”

Adam laughed at that. He reached out and pulled Tommy into his lap before sobering. “I’ll show you. I want you to know.”

“You’ll show me Heaven?”

Adam made a face. “I can’t. I’ve lost the way. But I’m still friends with quite a few angels that know how to get there. They’ll show you.”

“Brad?”

“No,” Adam said, laughing. “You’ll never see Brad. Even in Heaven. You won’t see your Watcher until you die, otherwise you’d fall desperately in love with him, and I can’t risk losing you like that.”

Tommy leaned forward and pressed his lips against Adam’s, smirking as he drew back. “You’re really going to show me Heaven, aren’t you?”

“Am I an angel, or am I an angel?”

Tommy snorted and shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t be having this conversation. It’s unreal. I was lucky enough to be dating a rock star. And he’s an angel too.”

“I’ll have to show you Hell too, Tommy,” Adam said and shrugged. “It’s only fair that you see where you’ll live if you choose me.”

“Okay,” Tommy said, a bit of his humor disappearing. “Show me. I’m ready.”

“It’ll take a few days… Time moves differently in Heaven.”

“Oh.” Tommy accepted that answer easily and looked upward, searching his memory. “We have a few days free before Gridlock.”

“Yes. But you won’t have very long to make a decision.”

“Would you listen to me, Adam? I don’t need a lot of time. Heaven can’t be more amazing than you; my mind’s already made up.”

Adam’s heart twisted inside his chest. Violently. As if it knew it was going to break soon and was trying to resist. “I guess we’ll see about that. I’ll arrange it. Tonight I have an assignment. A soul to collect for Lucifer.”

“Playing Death tonight, huh?”

Adam nodded. He didn’t like the glimmer of unease he saw in Tommy’s brown eyes. “I’m not a murderer. Please remember that. I just carry over souls when their time on Earth is up.”

“Do you know when my time is up?”

“No. Not even Brad will know until your final days.” Adam bit his lip. “I wish I could tell you it’s not soon, but I don’t know that.”

“Adam,” Tommy began, tightening his arms around Adam’s neck and kissing him again. “If I don’t choose you, we only get a few weeks, and if I do… the sooner my time’s up the better. We can start eternity, right away.”

“Christ, I love you,” Adam said and pulled Tommy as close to him as possible.

“Show me,” Tommy teased, pecking him on the lips. “Touch my body. Touch my soul. Let me see your wings.”

“I guess I have a few hours before I have to work,” Adam said, grinning, and suddenly, with a rush of wind, they were both standing in his master bedroom.

Tommy gaped. “Whoa. Cool trick.”

Adam cocked an eyebrow. “I’m impatient. Impatient divine beings should not be kept waiting.”

“Impatient divine beings should take my clothes off if they don’t want to wait any longer.”

“Touché,” Adam said, and did as the human commanded.


	14. Chapter 14

“What exactly should I wear to Heaven? I mean, it’s not like I can wear ratty old jeans, right? We always dress up for church…”

Adam watched Tommy rummage through his own dresser, where Tommy was keeping his clothes nowadays. They’d lost all pretense that Tommy wasn’t officially living with him at some point, probably not long after Tommy had tucked the last of his clothing into Adam’s spare drawer.

Adam grinned. “God doesn’t care what you wear, trust me. You’ll be clothed in His presence when you get there anyway.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Tommy asked, slamming the drawer shut. He’d emerged with the red shirt Adam had bought him on their shopping trip before The View. Adam couldn’t help but notice his hands were shaking.

“Relax, Tommy. No one will hurt you. Nothing bad will happen. We’ll travel through a few circles of Hell, Purgatory, and then Heaven. I’ll be with you the whole way. Or at least one angel will. Gabriel has a soothing presence too.” Adam sat up and smiled at his lover. “Just enjoy this, okay? Only a few other people have ever gotten to take a journey like this.”

“Yes, but…I mean, I’m seeing _God_ today. How does one dress for the creator of the universe?”

“You won’t see God, sorry to disappoint. Only angels can stand to look upon Him, and even then, it’s difficult. I much prefer to talk to Him through a messenger.”

Tommy huffed. “Whatever. Just tell me. Is this shirt enough or am I going to get cold?”

“It’s not cold in Heaven.”

“So is it warm?”

“It’s perfect.”

“What does that mean? Perfect for whom?”

Adam grinned. “For you. For everyone.”

“Fuck,” Tommy mumbled. “Knock off the Zen, existential, vague bullshit.”

“The red shirt is fine. And bring a hoodie. It gets a little cold in Hell.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Adam took true delight in Tommy’s confusion and collapsed into a fit of giggles. “Only in a few circles. The others are actual fire. I promise you it will live up to its reputation.”

“Fantastic,” Tommy grumbled sardonically. “Do you live in a cold part or a fiery part?”

“It’s warm where I live, but not fiery. You’ll be comfortable there, I promise.”

Tommy pulled the red shirt over his head and grabbed one of Adam’s hoodies, a gray one that had always been a little too snug on him but fit Tommy to a T. Tommy looked at him expectantly through blond fringe. “Okay, so…how do we get there?”

“Kiss me.”

“I have to kiss you to get to Hell?”

“No. I just want a kiss.”

Tommy rolled his eyes but gladly did as Adam requested, letting his lips linger on Adam’s a touch longer than he’d intended. He grinned up at Adam, his brown eyes shining. “Now what?”

Adam’s wings expanded behind him and his body lengthened. By now, Tommy was used to the change, though he still watched in awe. When Adam was in full angel form, he wrapped his arms around Tommy’s waist and said, “Hold on to me. Open yourself up like you do when I touch your soul. Don’t let me slip from your mind.”

Tommy let Adam in immediately, and Adam held his soul tight as he willed himself to Hell. They were there within seconds, landing within Lucifer’s office with only a slight stumble. Tommy shivered and rubbed his arms.

“Shit, it’s cold.”

As soon as the words were out of Tommy’s mouth, the walls of the room erupted into flames of gorgeous teal and royal blue, sending waves of heat throughout the space. Lucifer appeared in his desk chair, his grin a half-moon of white teeth on his face. “Better?” he asked.

Tommy, who had jumped behind Adam at the first sign of the flames, looked around his lover at Lucifer sheepishly. “Much. Thanks.”

“We’ll make you as comfortable as we possibly can if you choose to spend eternity here, Tommy. I can guarantee that.” Lucifer’s gaze settled on Tommy hungrily. “And I do hope you choose us, not just for Adam’s sake, but for yours as well. He’s impossible to get over, trust me on that. Even Heaven couldn’t help you there. Plus, you know, if you choose him it’ll make things between me and ol’ Elohim much less complicated,” he concluded with a wink.

“I’m going to show Tommy my house, then through Purgatory.”

“And on to Heaven,” Lucifer said, his whole manner changing, becoming brisker and more serious. “Yes. Well, you know what I think of that. If there’s any way I could get you to change your mind, Azazel…something else you need…”

“I won’t change my mind.” Adam swallowed hard and Tommy looked back and forth between him and Lucifer, trying to understand the subtext desperately. “You know I have to.”

Lucifer nodded, his expression grim. “I understand. I love you, Azazel. Do what you need to do.” With a sudden smile, Lucifer turned to Tommy. “Enjoy your stay here in the Fourth Circle, Tommy. I hope you’ll find it satisfying.”

There was laughter and then more flames and Lucifer was gone. Tommy turned to Adam with a skeptical expression. “He seems unhappy with you.”

“He is,” Adam said, nodding. “He doesn’t want me to show you Heaven.”

“Why not?”

“Because you won’t choose me when you see it.”

Tommy didn’t argue with that. He seemed exhausted by the debate in general. He cocked his head at Adam. “So you and Lucifer were lovers, huh?”

“A very long time ago,” Adam said in answer.

Then Adam felt Tommy’s small hand slip into his and squeeze. “I feel suddenly inadequate, what with the Prince of Darkness being your ex-boyfriend and all…”

Adam chuckled. “Hardly. Ready to see my house? Just open up again and I’ll will us there.”

“It’s too far to walk?”

Adam avoided Tommy’s eyes. “No. But you don’t want to walk there, trust me.”

“Why not?” Tommy pressed.

“The Fourth Circle is home to all the souls who were obsessed with wealth and material things during their lifetimes. They gave up their souls easily for money or for something that would not last. They are condemned to fight each other for their possessions forever, never healing from their wounds. If we walked, we’d walk right through that chaos.”

Adam shrank under Tommy’s gaze as he regarded him with eyes that gave nothing away. “And that’s right outside your home?”

Adam nodded.

“Show me.”

Adam waved his hand and a door appeared on a wall in Lucifer’s office. Adam stood in front of Tommy and opened it slowly, shielding him. Sounds of battle – swords clashing, screaming, ugly threats – filled their ears immediately. In front of them, amidst oppressive heat and humidity and blackness, thousands of people were engrossed in the frenzy of war. Tommy watched, aghast, as swords, knives, clubs, and spears clashed and sank into flesh. Piles of ordinary things like clothes and money and trinkets were being guarded by groups, only to have them stolen and be made to fight for them all over again. Blood flew through the air, splattering, gushing out of wounds that must have been excruciating, so much so that the ground (which was dust and gravel) appeared red. An older woman carrying a small knife noticed Adam and screamed out for help, but as she screamed a young boy ran his spear through her side and her words were lost in a painful cry.

Tommy, horrified and eyes wide, turned and buried his face in Adam’s chest.

“Let me in,” Adam said, and Tommy desperately obeyed, and then the screaming stopped. Adam stepped back and stretched out his arms. “We’re safe. This is my home. Nothing can harm you here.”

Adam watched as Tommy looked around himself. He was pale, his eyes still wide from the shock of seeing the Fourth Circle, but as he stared openly at the grandeur around him, his color gradually returned and his body stopped shaking with fear.

Adam offered him a gentle smile. “My house is made of stone but it’s—”

“Awesome,” Tommy supplied, turning in a circle to take in the mammoth foyer of Adam’s house.

Though it was completely carved out of stone, the foyer seemed more like a tropical rainforest. Gorgeous leafy plants and flowers grew all around the rock and vines curled themselves around the stone. There was water all around, too. Small fish ponds here, a waterfall there, a stream running idly through the middle. Pathways led from the open area where they stood in all different directions, covered in dark wood and iron bridges, like some sort of glamorous boardwalk. Sweet smells filled the air, and the sounds of birds singing flitted through the room.

“I’m glad you like it.”

The outside of the house seemed forgotten as Tommy took in the beautiful inside. “Adam, it’s amazing.”

Adam grinned. “Well, if there’s anything you’d like, we can change it or add on. Lucifer wouldn’t mind if I added a few rooms.”

“Are all the rooms like this?” Tommy asked, awed.

“Heavens no,” Adam replied. He pointed to a path to his right. “That leads up to my study, which is actually the aquarium. I have fish and dolphins swimming over my head as I work. The library is like a Persian hideout. Tons of pillows and fabrics hanging everywhere. There’s a massive pool, it kind of looks like a circus big top overhead, and beyond that are the guest quarters, where all the other souls live. My room is high above us and I, uh…” Adam blushed. “I sort of made it to look like the hill top where I told you that I was an angel. It’s the woods with a permanent moon and stars overhead. Well, and the giant bed, too.”

Tommy laughed. “Sounds perfect.”

“It is,” Adam agreed. “What do you want to see?”

“You said the other souls you took stay in the guest rooms? Is that where I’ll live?”

“No. You’ll live with me, in my quarters. I mean, you can have a room of your own if you want but…I’d like you to stay with me.” Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand.

“Well, then I guess I want to see your room. And the pool. And…all of it.”

Laughing, Adam began to pull Tommy toward the back of the room where a path crept underneath all the green foliage. “Pool first. It’s right through here.”

Tommy let himself be led down the winding path until the dense plants gave way to beautiful multi-colored tile and a room that was as high as it was long, its walls made entirely of glass. Stretching over nearly the whole floor was a huge pool, save for a few water slides and diving boards and a small area for lounging and snacking. It was packed, too, with hundreds of people splashing in the water or standing around chatting on the sides.

A deafening sound rose up from the people as they greeted Adam happily. Though few seemed brave enough to approach, they all looked at Tommy with jealousy or contempt or even bewilderment.

“So this is the pool. The guest rooms are beyond the door over there,” Adam said, pointing, “and there’s a large banquet hall where they all eat together.”

Tommy looked around in shock, his eyes lingering over groups of people. “So many questions…”

“Ask.”

“You took all these souls?”

“Yes.”

“They…eat?”

Adam laughed. “Yes. It’s not necessary to but it’s something they miss from their earthly life.”

“Do you… I mean, are all of them servants?”

“Just my favorites,” Adam replied. “Those that were kind and gave their souls for some unselfish reason or sacrificed themselves in some way.”

“And they’re free to do whatever they want?”

Adam nodded. “As long as they remain in my house they can do whatever they want.”

Tommy opened his mouth to ask another question but was interrupted by a man wearing a white robe and a crown of dark curls about his head.

“Azazel,” the man breathed reverently. “May I do anything for you? Is there anything you need?”

Adam studied the man, trying to remember his name, his era, his sin. “No, but thank you.”

“Perhaps you need a companion for the evening?”

Adam saw Tommy tense out of the corner of his eye and reached for him, pulling him close. “No, thank you…” Adam searched for the name again. It was right on the tip of his tongue.

“Pius,” the man said, stricken. “Don’t you remember me?”

“Of course,” Adam said, the memory rushing back to him. “I made your son an emperor.”

“Yes,” Pius said, obviously pleased that Azazel could recall him. “If there’s ever anything I can do for—”

“Yes. Of course. Thank you, Pius,” Adam said quickly. The man slunk away, defeated, and Adam turned to Tommy. “Sorry about that. Sometimes they get a little needy.”

Tommy nodded, body tense, staring straight ahead at the pool without expression. “I think I’ve seen enough here. Can I see your room now?”

“That’s next,” Adam said, and led them back through the jungle and turned at the waterfall onto a path leading directly under it. The cascading water hid a door that Adam opened with a wave of his hand, and a spiral staircase led them up, dizzyingly, to another door. As Adam pushed that door open, Tommy let out a gasp.

“Oh my god, this looks just like it,” Tommy whispered in disbelief. It was just like the hillside where Adam had revealed himself. Every tree, every star, even the distant glow of city lights was all the same. The only difference was the large bed which seemed to be made of four old, knobby trees which curled their roots and branches together to make a surface to sleep on, and a canopy overhead. Tommy smiled at Adam. “It looks like the home of some sort of forest creature. A nymph or a sprite or something.”

“Perhaps a fairy?” Adam supplied, winking.

Tommy laughed. “I wasn’t going to say it.”

He wandered around the room, touching the trees and the grass and the rocks like a Doubting Thomas, smelling the woodsy air, enjoying the soft hues of twilight. He sat on the bed, bouncing a little before sinking into feather-like softness. He sighed.

“Good?” Adam asked.

“It would be better if you joined me.” Tommy patted the spot next to him and Adam obliged, lying on his side so that he could study Tommy’s face.

“What do you think?” Adam asked, unable to control his anxiousness.

“It’s a great house,” Tommy replied, his voice soft. “And of course, you live here, so it’s even more amazing.”

“But…”

Tommy’s brown eyes were dull. Pained. “Those people… the way they looked at you, like you were all they had in the world and yet so broken… and that guy. He was so desperate…”

Adam nodded. “It isn’t easy being here, Tommy. Even in my house.”

“Why is that? I feel it, but I can’t explain it. Something’s just been off since I arrived here, and I thought maybe it was just because I’m still alive and don’t belong but…” Tommy swallowed. “It’s not that, is it? What aren’t you telling me?”

“I knew you’d feel it.”

“Feel what?”

“The emptiness,” Adam said.

“Yes, that’s it. I feel empty. Like something’s missing, but I don’t know what.” Tommy squinted as if trying to see the answer. “Is it a punishment, this feeling? For being here?”

“You might say that,” Adam said. “When you’re here, Tommy, you are completely separated from God. You may not know it, but even on Earth you can feel Him, always. He’s why you can feel fulfilled, satisfied, happy. He’s why sometimes, even when you’re alone, you feel like there’s someone around. And when that’s gone, it’s…”

“Sad,” Tommy said, finishing Adam’s thought. “I just feel sad, and alone, and unfulfilled, like I’m longing for something but I have no idea what.”

“Yes, that’s what every human has told me they feel.”

“You don’t feel it?” Tommy asked.

Adam shook his head. “Despite Falling, despite living here, I cannot be separated from Him. We are part of each other. I don’t feel the longing you feel.”

“That’s why it’s so comforting when you hold my hand here. That’s why Pius needed you so much. That’s why they all look at you like you’re their only hope.” Tommy shut his eyes. “You’re the closest thing they have to God.”

“Yes, I suppose I am the closest thing they have.” Adam cleared his throat. He could say no more, and Tommy looked away, studying the fake moon over his head.

“But the house is mine?” He asked after a half minute of silence. “More so than the other souls?”

“Yes, everything in it. And you’ll be able to change it if you want,” Adam promised quickly. “And you’ll have more freedom, too. I’ll allow you to come and go as you please.”

“Won’t the other souls get jealous? Won’t they get restless and angry? And will we ever have privacy with them around?”

Adam said in earnest, “If you think it’s best, I can get rid of them.”

Tommy’s body stiffened. “Where would you send them?”

Adam shrugged. “To another house.”

“Somewhere where they couldn’t even experience your presence every once in a while?”

Adam blinked, caught in his insensitivity. “I’m not trying to be callous, Tommy, but you have to understand. I don’t love them. They gave their souls to me yet, save for a few exceptions, they don’t mean anything to me. Anyone I’ve ever loved is divine like me, or drowning in the Abyss, or roaming the Earth tortured. Except for you. And that’s why I so badly need you here.”

Tommy stared at him and then jerked away, fixing his eyes upon the moon again. “And in a thousand years, which I gather is about how long it’s been since you’ve bothered with Pius, will you forget my name too? Or will you fall for another human and banish me from your house like the other souls to make room for him?”

Adam sat up, resting his head against the trunk of a tree. “I know that’s what this must look like to you. And I’m sorry I can’t offer you anything better. But I can make you promises. I haven’t forgotten a second of your life, Tommy, even if I can’t remember the name of the person whose soul I last took, and I won’t forget you. And I promise I will make you as happy as you can be here. I promise I will be everything you need and that I will never stop loving you.”

“God and lover and friend and provider,” Tommy mused quietly. He grew silent, his expression unchanging and blank.

“Tommy,” Adam finally said, unable to stand it. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Tommy turned his head to look at Adam, sadness clinging to his doll-like features. “Will I ever forget what God felt like? Will I ever stop longing for that feeling?”

“You may forget what God felt like, you may forget that the feeling once had a name, but you’ll never stop missing it.” Adam swallowed. The back of his throat felt like sand. “And the longer you’re without it, the sharper the need will get. And the more you’re with me, the harder it will be to be separated from me. And… you may start to believe that I was the only thing that ever gave you that feeling.”

Tommy nodded. “God and lover and friend and provider,” he said again, his voice more breath than sound. And then he lifted questioning, glistening eyes to Adam. “But can a god be a lover and a friend? Will we lose that?”

“You will always be an equal to me, Tommy,” Adam said, his words made of conviction and promises.

“But will that be how I see you, if you’re the only thing that can give me happiness and satisfaction?”

When Adam couldn’t answer, Tommy sat up, facing away from Adam. “Please show me Heaven now.”

“Tommy…”

“Adam, please.”

“Okay. Just…” Adam slid his hand into Tommy’s and pressed his thumb into Tommy’s soft palm. “Remember that I love you. You’re my everything too.”

Tommy nodded and before Adam could suggest it, he opened himself up, and Adam began to will them to the fires of Purgatory.


	15. Chapter 15

Adam pulled on Tommy’s arms roughly, prying him out of Purgatory’s clutches toward the cool, grassy solid ground. He watched Tommy helplessly as he coughed, sputtered, and heaved, crawling across the earth, clutching at the soft grass for purchase, as if he didn’t believe it was real and, if it was, that it might disappear at a moment’s notice.

“Holy Jesus,” Tommy hiccupped before heaving again and grabbing onto his stomach. “Adam. What the fuck?”

Adam ran a hand down Tommy’s spine. “It’ll pass in a few minutes, Glitterbaby, just hold on.”

“It’s like my insides got scrambled,” Tommy said between coughs.

“How is your heart?” Even as Adam asked he could hear it, beneath the muscle and sinew of Tommy’s chest, beating like a galloping horse’s hooves. Living bodies weren’t meant for Purgatory. They weren’t meant to hold a pure, clean soul.

“Hurts,” Tommy murmured and sputtered again before wiping off his chin.

Adam held him, keeping track of the pace of his heart and his breathing as he looked all around himself. At their back was a poplar tree, as if they’d emerged from the very core of it. It stood, thin and soldier straight, in a row of thousands that led as far as the eye could see to either horizon. Hills rolled gently around them, their sides coated with high green grass and yellow and white asphodel. To his left, far, far in the distance, were mountains of rock capped by storm clouds and lightning. To the right, nothing but sunlight and white, fluffy clouds. It was eerily quiet, eerily still. No wind to rustle the grass, no birds chirping in the trees. No sounds of merriment; no sounds of misery. When Tommy’s heart slowed at last, Adam glanced at him. The human was looking around himself curiously as well.

“Where are we?” he asked.

How to answer that question? Adam wondered. He tried. “We are in the Land Between the Lands, or at least, that’s what we call it. It’s been given many names over history.”

“Limbo?”

Adam nodded. “Limbo is one name. Elysium Fields, it’s often called in literature. It’s neither here nor there, up or down, Heaven or Hell. It’s just…between.”

Tommy looked back and forth over the hills. “We’re the only ones here.”

“No one stays in the In Between for long,” Adam said. “It’s only for those who are unable, or unwilling, to decide which way to go themselves.”

“I don’t feel God here.”

“And you won’t, until you’re closer to Heaven.”

Tommy looked over his shoulder at the storm clouds, and then to his front where miles ahead, it seemed, sun broke through from the clouds. “And that way is Heaven.” Adam nodded. “What do we do? Start walking?”

“You might be able to find it that way,” Adam said, feeling hopeless, “but I could walk for years and never find it. No, now we wait for your guides.”

As if they’d been waiting for those words, two figures appeared on the next hill, walking slowly beside the row of poplars. One was tall, dark-headed and dark-winged, the other was smaller, his golden hair glistening in the dull light of the sun, a pair of small pearly wings stretching out behind his back.

“Who are they?”

“The small one is Gabriel, the only Messenger in the original six of us. He’s a cherubim, so he looks barely older than a child, but he’s only a few hours younger than I am. Remember that, don’t let him fool you into thinking he’s innocent because I can assure you, he’s not. And forgive yourself right now for being attracted to him.” Tommy opened his mouth to protest but Adam held up a hand. “You will be, everyone is. Just remember he’s ancient. No need to feel like a dirty old man about it. The other is Michael, an archangel, the only Destroyer who can match my strength. We were created only minutes apart, an hour or so after Lucifer. Michael’s the older of the two of us. And he… well, you’ll see.”

When Michael and Gabriel were close enough that Tommy could make out their faces, he gasped. “Adam! Michael! He’s…he looks just like you.”

“Yes,” Adam said, “I guess, in human terms, he’s sort of like a twin. But he’s not the same at all.”

When at last the two angels stood in front of Adam and Tommy, Tommy could see it was true. Though Michael had Adam’s good looks, they were, longer, thinner, smoother, and nondescript. As if Michael were a wax statue of the living, breathing Adam Lambert. And there was something less pleasing about his face and presence. While Adam seemed sweet and vulnerable and humorous, Michael was none of those things. He was stoic, closed off, and serious. He turned piercing blue eyes, so unfriendly compared to Adam’s, right on Tommy’s gaze.

Adam slipped his hand into Tommy’s. “Tommy, these are your guides into Heaven, Gabriel and Michael. Brothers, this is Tommy.”

Tommy shook each of their hands, unafraid but rapt; his eyes roving over the youthful beauty of Gabriel before getting stuck on the oddness of Michael, as if convinced he would smile or joke like Adam and couldn’t comprehend why it hadn’t happened yet.

“Tommy, pleased to make your acquaintance,” Michael said, his voice bass and booming. So unlike Adam’s. “We are very glad that Azazel decided to let you come. It’s going to be—”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Azazel. No wonder you’re smitten. What a gorgeous soul.” Gabriel said, his voice sounding as young as he looked, giving Tommy the once over. He whistled softly. “Gorgeous on the outside too. Almost as much as me.”

Gabriel reached out a slender, graceful hand to touch Tommy’s cheek and Adam made a growling sound in his throat. “You promised, Gabe.”

The boy – or ancient angel, Tommy had to remind himself – pouted. “Yeah yeah. Look but don’t touch, he says. Why don’t you just hang him in a museum, Azazel? Though I guess that’s kind of your goal anyways, right? Whatever. Let’s get going. Raphael’s going to love this.”

Michael huffed. “Gabriel, if you could concentrate on the task at hand—”

“The task at hand is showing Azazel’s pretty human around Heaven. I’m on it, Mike.”

Michael turned his gaze away from Tommy and to Adam. He didn’t smile, though he might have wanted to. “Thank you for bringing him, Azazel. This is the right thing to do. It’s good to see you, brother. We’ve missed you.” He paused, eyes searching Adam’s hopefully, and Tommy stared at him, confused as to how someone so detached could also be so desperate for approval.

Adam gave him a slight nod, his face nearly as blank as Michael’s. “It’s good to see you, too. Take care of him.”

“I promise I will.”

Michael stepped away to courteously give Adam and Tommy some time to say goodbye, pulling Gabriel with him, and when they were out of earshot, Tommy whispered, “Michael seems pleasant.”

“Don’t let Michael worry you. He was made to be intimidating.”

“He doesn’t intimidate me,” Tommy said, causing Adam to look at him incredulously. “He seems half afraid of you, actually. Or…something.”

“He deeply regrets harming my children. He was rather fond of them himself, and he loves me. He carries that guilt and sorrow still, and it’s a heavy burden.”

“He sent the flood,” Tommy said, realizing.

“Yes, he was the only Destroyer powerful enough to do that. Besides me.”

“And yet God asked you.”

Adam bit his lip and nodded. “A test. In His eyes, I failed.”

Tommy looked out over the hills, his brown eyes reflecting the strands of grass and asphodel. “Just take me home, Adam. Heaven may be wonderful, but I don’t want any part of it. Not if its ruler would hurt you.”

“Tommy, I know you can feel His absence and you hate it. This is about more than me, more than my children, more than a feud thousands of years in the making. You need to see all your options.” Adam leaned forward and kissed Tommy on the lips, chaste but long. “Go, so that I will be able to live with any decision you make.”

After a while, Tommy relented. “Alright. I love you, Adam.”

“I love you.”

Adam kissed Tommy again and then watched him go, walking between Michael and Gabriel, up and over a few of the hills before disappearing completely, seemingly into sunlight.

With nothing to do but wait, Adam leaned his back against the poplar tree and went to sleep.

~~~//~~~

Adam slept horribly, whimpering and shaking his way through dreams of demons, floods, and the Abyss, feeling the separation from Tommy acutely and sharply throughout all of them. He awoke to the sound of beating wings and Tommy’s voice and opened his eyes.

Tommy ran toward him, smiling, laughing, eyes bright and sparkling like a child’s. Michael and Gabriel followed in the air, the wind from their wings stirring the tall grass.

“Adam…” Tommy said as Adam stood and spread his arms out for him. Tommy ran into them, his whole body shaking with excitement, his soul vibrating with happiness.

“Shh, Glitterbaby. We’ll talk about in a little bit. Let’s get home now. We still have a show to do.”

Tommy curled around him and held on tight. Adam nodded to his brothers over the human’s shoulder. They both wore pained expressions on their faces – sorrow for him, pity for him, sympathy. Adam mouthed “Thank you” to them and grasped Tommy’s soul. Seconds later, they were alone in a dim, smoky dressing room, and the In Between was gone. Outside their door, someone yelled that the show was about to start.

Adam pulled away, looking at Tommy. Tears slipped onto the human’s cheeks without a sound, though a smile stretched his lips wide. But in the depths of his brown eyes, Adam noted the hint of an apology, of guilt.

“Adam… Heaven… It’s…” Tommy began, too overwhelmed to form a coherent sentence.

Adam nodded. “It’s wonderful, isn’t it?”

Tommy opened his mouth to answer but couldn’t say the words. He closed his mouth and nodded too. Adam kissed him. “What did they show you?”

“My house. Oh my god, my house. Gleaming white and on a cliff overlooking the sea. No windows or doors so the breeze could go right through.” Tommy clung harder to Adam, trembling. “So peaceful. And… the feeling… Michael told me it was God. And it made me so happy, Adam, that feeling. I felt like I could burst from the happiness. I’ve never felt so complete, so loved, so…”

“Joyful,” Adam supplied, remembering how it felt to be that close to Elohim, so many years ago. “It was joy.”

“Yes, joy,” Tommy agreed. “And Adam… the music… oh god, the music…”

“Beautiful.”

“So beautiful. But not like anything I’ve ever heard before. I can’t even dream music like that. And I wanted to sing so badly. I’ve never wanted to sing and suddenly I couldn’t stand not singing.”

Adam understood that all too well. Even now, after so many years as a Fallen angel, when he opened his mouth to sing, he caught himself wanting to sing the praises of his Creator. He looked into Tommy’s eyes again. “And the colors? What were they like?”

Tommy smiled blissfully. “I didn’t know colors like that could exist.” Tommy paused, looking around the dingy dressing room. “Everything looks so gray now. So plain.”

“Yes, that’s what I miss most. As much as I loved the music, I miss the colors most.”

Tommy stared at him, his eyes so sorrowful that Adam wanted nothing more than to taken him back to Heaven right away. “How did you do it?” Tommy asked. “How did you leave that place, knowing you’d never return?”

Adam took a minute to answer. “I guess I left because I had to. I just… I don’t know… I just loved my children so much. They were Heaven to me in a way. They gave me joy like that. They filled me with music. They made the whole world seem more colorful.”

Tommy looked down, too ashamed to meet Adam’s eyes. “Adam, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Tommy started to cry again, to shake again, and Adam pulled him close. He was suddenly, inexplicably, happy for Tommy. “Shhh, don’t apologize. This is the way it should be. A soul like yours belongs in Heaven. It was silly of me to think it could be otherwise.”

“But I love you so much…”

“Shh, please don’t say anything more. You don’t have to. It’s okay.”

There was nothing more either of them could say. The deal was done, the bet was off. Adam wouldn’t think, not right now. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t let himself wonder if he had been able to spend more time with Tommy, maybe if he’d been more loving, more… _something_ , then Tommy would have loved him enough to choose him. Not when even as he wondered, he knew deep down: this battle was lost from the start. Tommy’s gorgeous soul craved Heaven and God and goodness and purity, and he deserved it. For an eternity. He deserved it like Jareth had deserved it, and all his children. And he wouldn’t take it away from him. Even if Tommy had chosen him, had chosen Hell, Adam understood now that it was never going to happen. How he could have ever believed that he’d let Tommy choose Hell, how he could have ever wanted that for him, he couldn’t say. Now he understood.

God wins. He always wins, one way or another. And He’d known Adam would love Tommy so much that Tommy would end up in Heaven, no matter what.

Just then there was a knock at the door and Lane poked her head in. She saw them clinging to each other, both of them in tears, and sighed ruefully. “Guys, whatever’s going on, can we put it aside and get in makeup please? You’ve got five minutes before you’re expected onstage and this needs to be good. Do you have any idea what kind of exposure this is bringing you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Adam said, saluting.

“Don’t you ‘yes ma’am’ me,” Lane mumbled and closed the door.

“Adam, I—”

“Shh. No more, Tommy,” Adam said, kissing him deeply once. “Let’s just go out there and make music together and let this be, okay? We’ll have a little bit of time afterward for goodbyes. Now go get into that outfit I picked out for you and tune up.”

Tommy squeezed him and did as Adam had requested, biting back words that threatened to spill from his mouth. Adam stared at the closed door after he left, head swirling, emotions oscillating between happiness and sadness and fury.

“Adam.”

Adam didn’t turn in the direction of Brad’s voice. He spoke at the door. “Congratulations, Uriel. And congratulations to Elohim. That was well-played.”

“He knows you so well, Azazel. How could He help but win this?” Brad sighed. “His only mistake was not seeing from the start how fiercely loyal you would be to those you loved. He never planned on His Destroyers loving at all, and you changed everything. But He learned His lesson and used it to His advantage.”

“And yours.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Adam said, finally turning. “You’re not.”

“I am. I know how much you love him.” Brad’s eyes were shiny, wet.

“You’re getting what you want.”

“There’s no satisfaction in winning this,” Brad said, his voice soft. “Michael will be here at midnight. Welcome back to the Light, Azazel.”

And then Brad was gone and it was time for Adam to get onstage. The lights went up and the audience applauded and he sang for Tommy, and Tommy opened up to him, and there onstage he touched Tommy’s soul and held it close through every note, every melody, until at last it was time to say goodbye.

~~~//~~~

“You were amazing out there tonight,” Tommy said as they stepped back into the dressing room.

Adam looked around, for once cursing the life he’d made on Earth for this horrible dark space, that the things he had done had all led up to this dirty room being the place he would say goodbye to the only human he’d loved since the dawn of time.

Adam shrugged at him. “Had to give the last performance my best.”

Tommy went to him, snaking his arms around Adam’s middle, squeezing hard. “What happens now?”

“I go to Heaven.”

“And what about Adam Lambert?”

Adam pushed fringe out of Tommy’s eyes. “I suppose the singer will be best known for his strange disappearance.”

“And me?” Tommy asked, quiet and unsure. “What happens to me?”

“You’ll find a better job. With Adam Lambert on your resume, how could you not? And I’m sure that job will pay better.” Adam chuckled sadly.

“No,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “I mean, what will I do without you?”

Adam reached out, his palm on Tommy’s cheek, and closed his eyes. “You’ll keep playing, you’ll keep loving music, and if you take care of yourself you’ll live long enough to do all those things on your list.”

“And when I die, I’ll see you in Heaven?”

“Maybe.” Adam cleared his throat because it was feeling suddenly dry and thick. “If I’m allowed. I’ll belong to someone else.”

Tommy took a step backward as if he’d been punched. “So I might not be able to see you at all?”

“You might not. I just don’t know.”

Tommy shook his head. Outside, a countdown had begun. Twenty seconds until the new year. “No. No, no, no…”

“Hey,” Adam said, taking Tommy into his arms again. “It’s okay. This is the right choice. You’ll be so happy in Heaven, Tommy. You’ll have everything you want, everything you need. It’ll be–”

“Not if you’re not there, I won’t,” Tommy cut in. “I missed you, Adam. I missed you when I was in Heaven. I wanted you in that house with me, I wanted you singing with me. I wanted… Oh god, my heart hurts…”

Adam’s hands instantly closed over Tommy’s heart. “I’ll go get a doctor.”

Before he could turn away, Tommy’s hands stretched over Adam’s. “It’s not that kind of pain, Adam. It’s…it’s the thought of not being with you. I have to be with you. Like you were saying about your children, you give me Heaven. You can give me everything I need.”

Adam bent his head and kissed Tommy on the lips. “I can’t be God for you, Tommy. I’m not enough.”

The countdown continued outside. Five, four, three, two, one…

Adam unfolded his wings and made the change, preparing for what was to come. He closed his eyes and then opened them slowly, and Michael was there, in the corner of the room, looking like a reflection of himself in a slightly skewed mirror, ready to escort him to his new home.

“No.”

Michael and Adam both turned to Tommy in surprise. Tommy stepped between Adam and Michael, facing Michael down with resoluteness and strength unlike Adam had ever seen before.

“He’s not coming with you,” Tommy said, his voice sharp but wavering. “I’m giving my soul to him, so you can just go back where you came from and tell Elohim that. And tell my guardian angel while you’re at it. They both lose.”

“No, Tommy. You made the right decision before.”

“ _This_ is my decision, Adam. I’m yours.”

Adam put his hands on both of Tommy’s shoulders and shook. “No. I won’t let you do this. You need to be in Heaven.”

“What I need is you, for an eternity.” Tommy took a deep breath and put his hand on his heart, alerting everyone to the fact that it was indeed hurting in a physical way. “God damn it, Adam. I love you. I want you forever.”

“I can work something out with Uriel so that we can see each other every once in a while—”

“Every once in a while? No.” Tommy shook his head, his jaw flexing. “Not enough. Nothing but eternity is enough. And you’re not taking him. He’s mine,” Tommy said, jabbing a finger at Michael. “So get me a contract. I know Lucifer has one already made up for me. Let me sign on the dotted line and my soul is yours.”

Lucifer appeared then in a column of twisted smoke, the proper documents and a fancy silver pen in his hands. He held them out for Tommy. “I suspected you would make the right choice eventually.”

“No, Lucifer. He’s going to Heaven,” Adam said, pushing the contract aside.

Tommy’s face contorted into an expression of pure rage. “Give me that damned contract,” he growled, and Lucifer once again stretched the contract toward Tommy’s waiting hands.

“Lucifer, look at me,” Adam said, his tone so commanding that even the Prince of Darkness obeyed. “The bet is off. Tommy goes to Heaven. Elohim knew I wouldn’t let it be otherwise. He knew I’d love Tommy too much to cheat him out of Heaven. And…I think He knew that you wouldn’t hurt me by letting Tommy sign that contract against my wishes.”

Instantly, Lucifer’s face softened. He let his arms fall to his sides, and he stared at Adam lovingly, questioning. “Is this really what you want, Adam?”

“Yes,” Adam said plainly. Lucifer nodded and, defeated, held up the contract, tearing it into two, then four, then eight, and letting it drop to the floor. “I’m so sorry, Lucifer. You’ve been so kind to me, and… I have a feeling I just started something that can’t be stopped.”

“It’s all coming now, isn’t it?” Lucifer said. He smiled dully at Adam. “I love you, Azazel. It’s you I’m bowing to, not Elohim. He hasn’t won anything yet.”

Adam’s smile was slight and pained. “Thank you.”

“Next time we meet will be on the battlefield, I suppose,” Lucifer said in a half-bored tone. “Have mercy on me.”

“You too.”

“No, you can’t do this,” Tommy interjected before Lucifer could disappear. “I want him to have my soul. You have to take it.”

Lucifer looked to Adam. “If he doesn’t want it, I can’t take it.”

“You don’t want my soul?” Tommy asked, turning to Adam.

Adam shook his head. “No, your soul needs to return to God, like all good souls. I love you, Tommy.” Adam took the human into his arms and kissed him roughly.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m doing this _for_ you, so you can be happy.”

“I won’t be. Not without you.”

“Tommy, please,” Adam said. He felt the tears swell in his eyes and tried in vain to hold them back. “Just let me go.”

Adam turned to Michael. Tommy held fast, gripping him tight, a litany of protests and pleas tumbling from is mouth. “No. Don’t leave me. Adam, please don’t leave me. I love you so much. Take me with you. Please. Don’t leave me here without you…”

“Michael, brother,” Adam said, trying his best to ignore Tommy’s pleas. “Take me home.”

Michael’s face remained unchanged, stoic, but he gave Adam a slight shake of his head. “I am not here for you.”

“What?” Adam asked, a chill racing down his spine, fear squeezing his heart, and then Tommy’s voice completely ceased. Adam saw his body hit the floor out of the corner of his eye and he turned, screaming for help and pulling his lover’s lifeless body into his lap. “Tommy! Tommy! Wake up! Can you hear me? What’s wrong? Oh God, Tommy! Uriel! What the Hell is happening?”

Brad’s arms formed a circle around his chest, holding him while he held Tommy. “Let him go, Azazel. It’s his time. He has no other purpose here. Just let him go, baby, let him go.”

Adam held Tommy and listened as his heart gave one last, lingering beat and then gave out. And then Michael was holding that precious white soul in his arms and they were both fading into the Beyond, and Adam was left in Brad’s embrace, his sobs filling the small room hauntingly. Angels weren’t meant to mourn, and an angel’s voice lifted in agony could break the heart of God Himself.

And that was why Uriel wiped away Adam’s tears and hushed him with a little kiss and whispered, “Come home with me, Azazel. Come back home.”

All Adam could do was nod yes, and he felt himself slip away with Brad, beyond Purgatory, beyond the Elysium Fields, and then he was in Heaven, home, and God surrounded him once more.


	16. Chapter 16

Adam awoke screaming, calling Tommy’s name. Amidst his disorientation, a pair of small, soft hands held him, a light voice soothed him, told him to keep sleeping, everything was fine. The hands were not Tommy’s; everything was not fine. But exhaustion overcame him, and he closed his eyes again.

            The second time he woke, those same small hands wiped tears gently from his cheeks, from his nose, from the corners of his eyes. “Tommy?” Adam asked hopefully, but brown eyes so different than Tommy’s stared back at him.

            “No, baby. It’s Brad. But Tommy’s okay. Don’t worry. Sleep more.”

            Slightly appeased but still exhausted, Adam went back to sleep.

            When he awoke the third and final time, he held a slender, gorgeous body in his arms. The perfect size and shape and feel against him, but not the same smell he loved, and when the body moved, the subtle differences became immense.

            “Welcome home,” Brad said. His smile was genuine, though sadness tugged down on the corners of his mouth. “Are you hungry?”

            No, he wasn’t hungry. There was no hunger in Heaven. That wasn’t the question. The question was, ‘Would you like to enjoy the taste of something this morning?’ and Adam wasn’t sure he wanted to. But he nodded anyway. “Sure. How long have I been asleep?”

            Brad sat up, folding white satin sheets over his lap modestly. For the first time, Adam noticed that they were in a huge bed, the softest bed he’d ever slept in, and it was a mess of white sheets and comforters. “A few days. I’ll go find something to eat. Why don’t you get up and explore? I’ve… I’ve, uh, changed the house quite a bit since the last time you were in it.”

            As Brad left to find food, Adam stood and stretched, taking note that he’d been dressed in all white as well. Loose, linen pants and a linen tunic hung from his body, embroidered in an intricate pattern with silver thread. Adam would have laughed at the symbolism had he not known that Brad wasn’t playing with the myths. Inside this house, almost everything was white. No, Brad just wanted everything to match.

            The walls were white-washed or possibly sun-bleached so that they gleamed in the early morning light. The floor on his bare feet, an off-white stone tile, was cool against his heels. As Adam moved through the house, room to beautiful room, he noticed there were no doors, only archways, and only some of those had gauzy, sheer curtains hanging from them. The windows were open too, breezes drifting in and out, sunlight and blue sky filtering in. The only color was the contrast of dark wood accents, mosaics in tiles of blues and teals and greens, and sometimes a splash of yellow or orange. Every room was furnished sparsely but stylishly, and built for comfort and lounging. Big rooms, small rooms, rounded rooms, squared rooms. Staircases with iron vines for a handrail, skylights like giant gaps in the ceiling, verandas and lanais and balconies leading from nearly every doorway.

            At the top of a turret, Adam found Brad out on a balcony, looking down below to a small beach of white sand and deep blue water. The wind whipped around them, salty and fresh. A wicker table and chairs were set up by the railing, covered in the same gossamer material everything else was made of. There was a bottle of champagne cooling in an ice bucket, a glass already filled with the bubbling liquid, and a whole plate of fruits and cheese and crackers. Brad turned to him, his own glass of champagne against his lips. He hummed. “Well? Is it someplace you could spend eternity?”

            Adam forced a smile. “It’s beautiful, Brad. Very airy. Like those houses in Santorini.”

            “That was exactly what I was going for,” Brad said with a dismissive laugh. Adam watched the sparkle in his eyes dull a bit. “If you want to change anything, I can. I’m not really attached to it, you know? I don’t have a music room. I know you’ll need that. And I don’t—”

            Adam pulled the worrying Brad into his arms and silenced him with a crushing kiss. Brad’s tense limbs turned to mush and he sank into Adam, pliable but hungry, his wings fluttering behind him. After a few seconds, Brad pulled back in a daze. “Why did you do that?”

            “This is what you want, isn’t it?” Adam asked, confused. “This is why I’m here.”

            Brad stared at him, unblinking. “Sit down, Adam. Let’s talk.”

            Adam sat, helping himself to a slice of ripe mango before turning to Brad expectantly. “Elohim offered me this deal, that I could keep you forever, that you’d be mine forever, and I took it. But not for the reasons you think.”

            “What do you mean?”

            Brad bit his bottom lip. “If you want to kiss me, I’d love it. If you want to be my lover again, I’ll be the happiest angel in Heaven. But only if you want those things. If God had said you’d be permanently Michael’s, or Raphael’s, or just a member of the choir forever, I would have taken it too. I just wanted you here, at any cost. I need you here.”

            Brad leaned forward over the table, spreading his hand over Adam’s. “The end is coming, Azazel, and you were on the losing side. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being cast into the Abyss. I know you don’t want to be here, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t lose you forever, even if you never love me like you did before…”

            Adam’s thumb traced over Brad’s knuckles soothingly. “I love you, Uriel, in ways I can’t even express. And I know what this has cost you. I know how painful it must be now, and how painful it’s been these last few months knowing I love Tommy. And for you to want to keep me safe in spite of that…I don’t know what to say…”

            Brad cleared his throat. “I want to make this as good as I can for you. Whatever you want done with the house, whatever you want from me…”

            Adam thought about Tommy, about asking if he could see him once in a while. Separation from him gave Adam a dull ache in his chest that sat heavy and permanent, right next to the one for his children. Scars that would never heal. But at least with Tommy, he might be able to see him and relieve that ache for a while.

            But Brad’s eyes were hopeful and remorseful and Adam couldn’t bring himself to ask. “The house is lovely, Brad. And you’re wonderful. And we have eternity. Maybe one day, when the pain is gone, you and I…”

            Brad nodded, blinking back tears. He rose and curled himself on Adam’s lap, his arms wrapping Adam up in a hug. They said nothing for at least five minutes. The waves on the beach below crashed into the sand like thunder.

            “He needs me for the final battle, doesn’t He?” Adam finally asked.

            “Yes. Lucifer has grown so strong. Elohim is doubtful that Michael can defeat him by himself.” Brad picked his head up from Adam’s shoulder. “Gabriel is on his way to talk to you about your work, the expectations God has for you.”

            No sooner had Brad said it, than Gabriel came through the doorway that led to the balcony, his impish face smiling at seeing the two of them tangled together in one chair. “Glad to see Azazel is adjusting to his new home.”

            Brad stood, straightening his own white tunic and fluffing his wings. “Yes, well, I’ll leave you two to talk.”

            Brad sauntered out and Gabriel took the empty seat at the table, pushing a folder of documents toward Adam. He smiled at Adam, at once tempting and childlike, and Adam’s heart warmed. He’d forgotten how fun it was just to be in Gabe’s presence.

            “Would you like to talk to Elohim directly or through me?” he asked.

            Adam shuddered at the thought of speaking to Elohim directly. He wasn’t quite ready for that overwhelming experience yet. “You, please.”

            Gabriel nodded in understanding. He folded his hands over the table, all business. “Well, first and foremost, Elohim wants to issue a formal apology to you. For the Flood.”

            “What?” Adam squeaked. “He’s apologizing?”

            “Yes. He was deeply saddened by your loss, Azazel, something He didn’t quite understand until much later. I believe it was Abraham and Isaac who taught Him that valuable lesson. And He was extremely sad about losing you. He mourned, which, I’m sure, is something they kept hidden from you in Hell. He missed you terribly and has since.” Gabriel opened the folder and pointed to a document. “This is His apology. And He’d like to offer you something, anything you want, as sort of a peace offering.”

            “Anything I want?” Adam asked, his thoughts immediately drifting to Tommy. “Tommy. I want Tommy here with me.”

            Gabriel’s blue eyes darkened. “I was afraid you’d say that. I’m sorry, Azazel, but the deal with Uriel stands. You are Uriel’s possession now, and as such, you cannot have Tommy unless Uriel grants it to you. That is something you will have to work out between you.”

            Adam looked down at his hands. “I understand.”

            “Adam,” Gabriel said, leaning forward. “I’m disappointed. He’s offering you anything and all you can think to want is your human lover? Think bigger. Think much bigger.”

            Adam closed his eyes and listened to his heart and without hesitation said, “My children. I want my children here with me in Heaven, safe.”

            “Bingo,” Gabriel said with a laugh. “For Pete’s sake, Azazel. Of course, your children.”

            “It’s possible?” Adam asked, his wings spreading in excitement. “You can bring them here? I thought He’d never allow it.”

            “He will for you. They’re going through Purgatory as we speak. They will be the children you remember when they arrive, not the demons they were forced to become.”

            They would be his children again. Untouched by the horrors of the past, innocent as the day the Flood took their lives. Overwhelmed, Adam put his hand to his mouth to cover a sob. “I’m getting my children back…”

            Gabriel’s smile was huge. “Congratulations, Daddy. Your children were a joy to everyone. It will be great to have them in Heaven finally, where they belong.” Then, inexplicably, Gabriel’s smile fell. He shuffled papers in the folder to another document. “Now there is something else we have to discuss, and it involves Tommy…”

            “Tommy?” Brad asked, appearing in the doorway. “What’s wrong with my ward? What’s going on?”

            Gabriel gave him a sad glance. “Why don’t you sit too, Uriel? I’ll explain.”

            Brad planted himself in Adam’s lap, taking his hand for reassurance.

            Gabriel turned a document so that both Brad and Adam could see it. Adam read the words on the list slowly, filtering out the important ones. Earthquakes, floods, tsunami, fires, mudslides, famine, drought…

            “God wants me to do all of this?”

            Gabriel nodded. “Yes. We must start sending messages to the people on Earth that their time is coming to a close. They must start making choices themselves. They will have to be on one side or another during the final battle. This is what the prophets have said since Lucifer’s Fall. We all know how this will work out.”

            Adam knew. Uriel knew. Those that had given away their souls would be cast into the Abyss forever. And horrible things would occur on Earth before the end would come.

            “So many innocent souls…” Adam said, thinking of the Flood and his children.

            “Yes, but God is merciful to those loyal to Him,” Gabriel said.

            Adam shook his head. “It’s so cruel. So unfair. And what has this to do with Tommy?”

            “Azazel,” Gabriel began gravely. “Though God loves you, He wasn’t sure He could trust you to do this work. He knows how empathetic you are to the humans. He, uh… He wanted collateral.”

            Adam felt himself tense all over and Brad shifted in his lap. “What do you mean, collateral?”

            “Tommy had another purpose, besides making you fall for him. He’s the collateral.”

            “Meaning if I do these things, I get Tommy for eternity?”

            “No, that’s not what he means,” Brad whispered, focusing sharp eyes on Gabriel. “Gabriel, why isn’t Tommy here yet? He just went through Purgatory. His soul was clean. Why isn’t he here? Where is he?”

            Gabriel swallowed, looking at Brad. “He’s not allowed in Heaven.”

            “What?” Adam roared. “Tommy’s the purest soul in a thousand years. He was created for me alone. Why in all Hell wouldn’t he be allowed in Heaven?”

            “He gave his soul away, Azazel. You and I both know that anyone who deems their soul unworthy enough to give away is not welcomed into Heaven.”

            “But he didn’t sign the contract! Lucifer wouldn’t let him sign!” Adam protested.

            Gabriel’s pretty face was long and sad. “Yes, but that’s just a technicality. He gave his soul to you. It’s no longer his.”

            “So, where is he, then? Hell?” Brad asked, his voice screechy with concern for his charge.

            Gabriel shook his head no. “He didn’t sign the contract, so he’s unwelcome there as well.”

            “So he’s floating around like my children did,” Adam growled. “Hoping for a way in.”

            Adam stood, knocking Brad off his lap. He paced, pulling at his dark hair, his black wings flapping with anger. “Some merciful God…He apologizes and then this?”

            “Rules are rules, Azazel,” Gabriel said simply. “They haven’t changed. Elohim just knew this would happen and wanted to use it for insurance.”

            “So if I do all these things, these awful cruel things that He wants done, then what? He’ll let Tommy into Heaven?”

            “Yes.”

            “But he still won’t be mine.”

            “No.”

            Adam didn’t risk a glance at Brad. He didn’t want to see the hurt or anger or whatever Brad might be feeling about this situation. This wasn’t his fault. No more than it was Gabriel’s or his own. For some reason, he thought about what Brad had said to him just minutes before, about how he’d wanted Adam with him there in Heaven, no matter what the cost. He’d wanted Heaven for Tommy, too. It was just turning out to be a bigger sacrifice than he’d ever imagined.

            Adam looked out over the blue sea, so peaceful and at odds with the emotions tumbling around inside him. The list was long, the cost would be high. Maybe a million or more dead, even more suffering before the end came, and all at his hands.

            But Tommy…wandering the Earth without a home…unable to rest and unable to be happy…and eternally separated both from him and Heaven.

            No. Adam couldn’t allow that. Not for a million souls.

            When Adam spoke, his words were like gravel. “Where do I sign?”

            Gabriel let out a sigh of relief. “You don’t. We don’t do contracts in Heaven. Your word is good enough.”

            “My word?” Adam scoffed. “He doesn’t need it. He’s got, what did you call it? Oh yeah. Collateral.”

            “Adam,” Gabriel warned, looking nervous. “Careful with what you say.”

            Adam set his jaw, a muscle twitching. He growled deep in his throat. “Fine. When do I have to do this?”

            “You’ll start next week.”

            “That soon?”

            Gabriel nodded. “This is the right thing, Azazel. If the world had ended, Tommy would have been thrown into the Abyss. Enjoy your first day in Heaven. I’m so glad you’re back.”

            He left, leaving Adam alone with Brad. Adam kept staring out at the sea, trying to keep his breathing steady.

            “Adam, I—”

            “Shh,” Adam shushed, turning to Brad, whose large eyes were glistening. “This isn’t your fault, Uriel. And I get my children back. Like they were never taken from me. I get my children back and Tommy will have Heaven and I get to stay in this beautiful place with you for an eternity. It’s…more than enough.”

            Brad looked as though he’d like to say something else but then thought better of it. Adam was leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek when a noise stopped him, mid-pose.

            “What is that?” Adam said in response to the high-pitched squeaks and yelps off in the distance, coming from the direction of the beach.

            “Why don’t you go see for yourself?” Brad said, his smile strange, amused and knowing.

            Adam took off through the house, running down staircases he’d never seen before in the quest to reach the beach. Finally he steered himself out onto a large veranda and to the dunes beyond that, the sand warm but not hot under his feet, the white light of sun and the world around him almost blinding. He ran as fast as he could, following the sound he now recognized as laughter, squeals of delight, and shouts of camaraderie – the sounds of his children.

            Malin appeared first, his eldest daughter, smiling so beautifully and looking more like Danai than he’d remembered, her golden brown skin crinkling around her eyes. God, she was nearly a woman. Had she been so old when the rains came?

            And her hand held the hand of Karael, who at only five years old was the eldest boy, and was cursed with his father’s freckles scattered all over his tiny body.

            Rumen, his youngest daughter, ran to catch up with them, freckled too but with gorgeous blue eyes and dark hair, her awkwardly long limbs scrambling to match pace with her sister.

            And then it seemed that all at once they saw him standing there, tears and the light blurring his vision, and as one they took off sprinting toward him.

            “Daddy!”

            The shout was Rumen’s, followed by a similar one from Karael, and both children launched themselves at him.

            Adam caught Rumen around the waist with one arm, and bent to catch Karael with the other, pulling them as tightly to his chest as he could. He held them close, breathing in their scent, feeling their warmth, remembering the same feeling thousands of years ago. The same instinctive need. The need to protect, to love, to shelter, to hold. He would never let go… never let them go again…

            Karael laughed and wiped his cheeks, wet not from his own tears but from his father’s. “Daddy, you’re soaking me!”

            “Sorry,” Adam apologized, laughing, but didn’t bother trying to stop tears that were thousands of years overdue. “I just love you so much. I’ve missed you so much.”

            “Where did you go?” Rumen asked, her blue eyes inquisitive.

            “It doesn’t matter now,” Adam said to her, kissing her freckled cheek. “It doesn’t matter at all.”

            He looked over Rumen’s shoulder to Malin, who stood tall and straight and strong, watching them. “Where are we?”  
            “Uriel’s house, in Heaven. You remember Uriel?”

            Malin nodded, as if her fourteen years gave her all the wisdom humans and angels could give her. “It’s nice.”

            Adam chuckled at her teenage indifference, but something else was pulling at his heart. Not all of his children were there. “Where’s Jareth?”

            “The man’s carrying him.”

            Adam set Rumen and Karael down, stooping to look at his son’s face. “What do you mean, the man’s carrying him?”

            Then, mere feet away from out of the sunlight, a bright tenor voice that Adam would know anywhere said in an annoyed tone, “You guys move too fast. I’m holding a baby, for Christ sakes, I can’t run.”

            _Tommy._

            His lover stepped out of the sunlight, balancing a blond and pale toddler on his hip.

            Adam had said many times that Heaven was the greatest feeling in the entire universe, but that was untrue. The greatest feeling was looking into the eyes of someone you loved, when you didn’t think you’d ever see them again.

            “Tommy,” Adam said, his voice barely a whisper. “You’re here. But…how?”

            Brad appeared behind Adam, his hand closing over Adam’s shoulder. “It was just a test, Azazel. To see if you would be obedient. As Gabriel said, your word was enough. You passed, and Tommy was allowed to enter.”

            Adam looked back to Tommy, whose face was slack with bliss and relief. “I knew I’d see you here…”

            The moment was shattered when the children shouted Uriel’s name, happy to see the angel they’d always called their uncle. Adam felt himself tense and saw Tommy’s eyes darken with fear and understanding as he realized who the other angel was. Adam remembered his duty to Uriel then and took a step backward, looking away from Tommy’s sweet face. Brad greeted the children, picking Karael up and swinging him around once before his laughter died, and he looked at Adam and Tommy.

            “Tommy, welcome to Heaven,” Brad said, sticking out his hand for Tommy to shake. The children watched behind them, rapt. “I’m Uriel. Brad. I was your Watcher while you were on Earth.”

            “Your voice is so familiar,” Tommy said, squinting a bit into Brad’s face. He held Jareth snugly against his hip, as if he’d always had a child at his hip, and shook Brad’s proffered hand. “I know I’ve heard it before…” Tommy turned away from Brad, flicking a glance at Adam before staring at the sand at his feet. “You’re beautiful. Just like Adam said. Congratulations. He’s… he’s wonderful.”

            Adam reached out to comfort Tommy but remembered who he was now, and more importantly, who he belonged to. He let his hand drop to his side, his wings waving uneasily in the breeze.

            “So, Michael said these children would lead me to my home, but they must have got it wrong, or maybe I missed a turn.” Tommy looked all around himself, still cradling Jareth as if it was the most natural thing in the world to him. “Wouldn’t surprise me. I was so confused. I wandered for so long in that In Between place. I had to have gone up and down that row of poplars a million times, but I couldn’t find the way until these guys came along and told me they knew.”

            “Children always know the way,” Adam said, feeling tears welling up in his eyes again. “They’re my children, Tommy.”

            Tommy looked at Malin, then Rumen, and finally Karael. Then he turned his face into Jareth’s soft blond hair and breathed him in deeply. “They’re beautiful, Adam. So beautiful. They look like you.”

            Tommy looked around himself again, not bothering to wipe away the tears pooling at the corners of his eyes, not bothering to hide the heartbreak in his voice. “Well, we found their home, I guess. I could swear mine was close by. It must be. This one looks just like the one Michael and Gabriel showed me. It’s so strange.”

            “Tommy,” Brad said, a hand coming to rest on Tommy’s arm. “Did you hear what Adam said? Children always know the way. This is your home. They led you straight here.”

            Adam turned to Brad. “What?”

            “Tommy is going to live with us, if that’s alright,” Brad said, putting on a casual air. “After all, I had this huge house made just for me. For us. You know, the love of my long existence and his children and our closest friends, whoever. Plenty of room for another…”

            Brad looked away, trying to hide the tears in his eyes, but Adam saw them. “Brad. What about the deal? What about the arrangement with God?”

            “Oh, that,” Brad said, laughing too lightly. “Well…it still stands, I guess. You’re mine. But Tommy gave his soul to you, didn’t he? So, he’s yours, and you’re mine, which kind of makes him mine too, which is great, since we’ll all be living in the same house and all.”

            Adam stared at his ex, raised a hand silently to his mouth and then dropped it just as silently. And then he threw his arms around Brad’s shoulders. “You’re impossibly good. I can’t even imagine… Brad, how are you this wonderful?”

            Brad laughed and let himself wipe away tears for the first time. “I’m an angel, why do you even have to ask? Besides, you’re in Heaven with me. That’s all I wanted. Well… almost all I wanted. But I can live with not having the rest as long as you’re here, and you’re happy, and you’re safe.”

            “I love you. So much.”

            “I love you, too, Azazel.” Brad pushed Adam away and turned to the children, his smile unnaturally wide and not quite reaching his eyes. “Alright, who’s hungry? Let’s see if Uncle Uriel remembers your favorite foods. Peas, right Karael?”

            “Blech! No!”

            Brad laughed. “Right, right, I knew that. Tommy, can I take Jareth from you?”

            Tommy looked down at the sleeping child in his arms then back up to Adam before answering Brad. “Um… do you mind if I just hold him a little while longer? He, uh, he seems to like using my shoulder for a pillow.”

            Brad raised a brow. “I think someone’s in love. Hard to resist Adam’s kids. Not when you can see a little of him in each one.”

            Tommy nodded, his eyes catching Brad’s and exchanging a look of understanding before Brad turned away, traipsing up the dunes behind the rest of Adam’s children.

            Tommy watched Adam with a smile as Adam covered his face and laughed, almost hysterically, he was so filled with emotion. “I’m sorry. I get you and my children back all in one day. I’m a little overwhelmed. I thought I’d never hold you again. I thought Brad would never allow it. I thought…”

            “He’s great, Adam. I can see why you loved him for so long. I mean, is he for real? Is this for real?” Tommy laughed a little too. “Kiss me, please. So that I know that it is, that I’m really yours and in Heaven with you, holding your son.”

            “It’s real,” Adam said and pulled Tommy into his arms, careful of the sleeping child between them. “I love you so much.”

            Adam leaned down and kissed Tommy, sweet and long and deep, and when he drew back, Tommy’s eyes were closed and he was smiling. “It’s real.” He opened his eyes. “I wasn’t supposed to be here, was I? Because I gave my soul to you. That’s why I wandered in the In Between for so long.” Adam nodded. “Dare I ask what God wanted in exchange for my entrance into Heaven?”

            Adam shrugged and they started walking up the dunes to their new home. “Ah, nothing. Just a few natural disasters. Well, and a few man-made ones too. The usual.”

            “That’s too high a price,” Tommy argued with a shake of his head.

            “Not for you. I would have moved Heaven and Earth for you to be here if I could have. But you know, I’m not God or anything.” Adam listened to Tommy chuckle at his little joke.

            “So what now, then? What’s His endgame?”

            “The war,” Adam said. Up ahead, on one of the patios, the children circled around Brad as he distributed ice cream sundaes. Adam smiled at the picture. “We go to war with Lucifer and the Fallen, and all of humanity will have to choose between the Light and the Dark. The Dark will lose, and everyone on that side will be cast into the Abyss. You narrowly escaped that.”

            Tommy switched Jareth to his other hip carefully, thinking. “But I chose the Darkness. I chose you.”

            Adam halted, turning to Tommy and placing one hand on Tommy’s cheek and one in Jareth’s hair. “Sometimes what we call darkness is really just light in disguise.”

            Tommy said nothing in return but gave Adam a small smile as he thought that over. Then, as Adam’s words sunk in, he turned his head back to the house and resumed walking.

            “So which room is ours?”

            “Anyone we want,” Adam laughed. “But we should probably claim one with a balcony before the kids snatch them all up.”

            Tommy laughed loud enough at that to cause Jareth to stir, and the child looked up at him with big, sleepy blue eyes. Adam’s eyes. Adam watched Tommy melt under his son’s adorable gaze.

            “Ah Hell,” Tommy grumbled. “Let him have the good room.”

            “Sucker,” Adam chided, and took Tommy’s hand, leading him up the rest of the hill to his family.

  


~~~THE END~~~


End file.
